Sean Penn - HecklerSpray

Robin Wright Throws Major Shade at Sean Penn’s Dick

March 10th, 2015 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Well, well, well, it seems like Robin Wright has been drinking a whole lot of hate-orade these days, because bitch is throwing some major shade at her ex-husband, Sean Penn’s, dick-giving skills in “Vanity Fair” magazine. Robin recently gave an interview to the super fancy magazine and indirectly made a jab at her exes jabbing skills (see what I did there?) by proclaiming her current, and much younger, piece, Ben Foster, to be the best person ever at making her lady parts happy.

To be fair to Sean, their marriage was pretty shitty the last few years of it (they were constantly separating and getting back together), so there is a good chance he was just fucking her with an old sweet potato he’d put spray tan on, because apparently that’s how I imagine Sean Penn’s dick looks?

10 of the Most Attractive Unattractive Celebrities

October 26th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

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?As I have discussed many times, the world of celebrity is full of some major hot babes. It’s not often you see a People’s Most Beautiful cover without someone who is basically a 9 or a 10 on it. Great eyes, great nose, great smile, great hair; overall, just the type of people you’d stop on the street to notice because they’re so fucking attractive. However, not everyone in Hollywood is a Jessica Alba or a Ryan Gosling.

In fact, some people are straight up weird looking. However, that doesn’t mean they’re not hot. I mean, I personally think Stevie Buscemi and Kevin Spacey are very attractive (they’re really talented, OKAY?!), but I know they’re an acquired taste. However, there are some unconventional looking people in Hollywood who have gone to be sex symbols in their own right. In case the title of this blog didn’t tip you off, I’m going to name 10 of them.

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Charlize Theron Has Lost Her Damn Mind

January 6th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

Ugh, I know it’s irrational but I get a bad case of the sads when a celebrity I really like does stupid shit.? I have a major girl crush on Charlize Theron for being both beautiful and bad ass, but now I feel like I will never look at her the same way again.? Her crime?? Rumor has it'she has started banging Sean Penn.? Yes, total douchebag, cheater, arrogant jerk Sean Penn.

You can still like someone even if you lose respect for them, right?? It’s not she’s hooking up with Shia LaBeouf or Mickey Rourke, I guess.? Ugh, Charlize, what is going on with you girl?

Sean Penn Has Never Been Truly Loved by Anyone

December 16th, 2012 By Chris Chambers

Sean Penn is one intense dude. He’s an amazing actor … sort of scary and also incredibly?awesome. In the January issue of Esquire, he candidly discusses love, his son’s life-threatening accident,?his mission in Haiti … and how the three are linked.

For better or worse, Sean is an original. He’s not a pretty boy and he doesn’t seem to have a light-hearted bone in his body. He’s been nominated for five Best Actor Academy Awards and won twice. He was Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. He allegedly hit Madonna over the head with a baseball bat. He married Buttercup. And he’s basically the patron saint of Haiti.

Sean Penn Is A Massive Bitch And A Commie One At That

December 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

When Sean Penn’s not being pestered by Scarlett Johansson on the rebound, he’s being all philanthropic and all that jive. Of course, having a political persuasion means you’ll rub some people up the wrong way and they shout at you.

Mercifully for Sean Penn, he’s a grade-a bitch. He has put-downs that could almost match the output of a drag queen convention.

And who found this out at their cost? Why, if it wasn’t a co-star of his who accused Penn of being a Communist. What fun!

Scarlett Johansson Says Marriage Is A Good Idea, Even Though It Clearly Isn’t

October 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

Scarlett Johansson’s boobs. She showed them off to us by accident didn’t she? That’s probably the thing she’ll be remembered for when she dies. Boobs, oh and she did some films. Better to be remembered for titties than forgotten entirely, right?

Either way, we’re not here to talk about breasts all day. We’re talking marriage. Pull up a seat. Let’s get deep.

See, Scarlett is under the assumption that marrying Ryan Reynolds was one of the best decisions she ever made. She split with him after two years and made one of the most annoying perfume adverts in history. But it was still totally the best thing she ever did. Ryan Reynolds. Think about that.

Ryan Reynolds And Charlize Theron Are Dating To Become World’s Dumbest Couple

July 13th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Ryan Reynolds – man that is made entirely of gym instructions – and Charlize Theron – a woman designed to occupy thongs – have apparently been dating for months, and were both so simple minded (much like cows in a field) that they forgot to tell anyone… including themselves.

A source close to the pair has revealed to at least four people who were half-listening, that the pair are officially ‘in a relationship’, telling reporters: “They’re exclusive, and it’s very hush-hush.”

Presumably, even Charlize Theron doesn’t want to admit that she’s going steady with the man responsible for the dreadful, dreadful Green Lantern film.

Sean Penn Runs Away From Scarlett Johansson Screaming ‘CLINGY’

June 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

It’s nice to know that, even though you’re widely regarded to be one of the most beautiful humans who ever walked this pathetic excuse of a planet, you can still be hugely flawed and make an idiot of yourself before someone you really, really fancy.

We’re talking about Scarlett Johansson and her besottery with Sean Penn, perhaps one of the most baffling celebrity hook-ups in a decade, what with him having a face like wrinkled elbow-scrag.

See, it appears that the romance between the Hollywood beaut and the wizened actor had to die because Scarlett was into Penn way too much, leaving him widening his eyes and mouthing ‘What the f…’

Scarlett Johansson Gets Off With Sean Penn While President Obama Watches On

May 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

You may well think that Scarlett Johansson is the most beautiful woman you’ve even seen, which probably means that you think you don’t stand a chance of ever making out with her. Well you do, because she’s decided to tap a troll-faced Sean Penn. Repeatedly. While Barack Obama watches on.

That’s right mingers, Johansson has long been rumoured to be swapping fluids with Penn, despite the fact he could curdle the vapour in the air with his foul face.

And while in the presence of President Obama, Mila Kunis and Donald Trump, Scarlett decided to indulge in a spot of heavy petting with Penn at Saturday’s White House Correspondents Dinner in Washington, D.C. Honestly. They were like teenagers at a roller disco, all grunting and dribbles.

Scarlett Johansson May Be Sleeping With Half Of Hollywood. Or Not.

March 9th, 2011 By Amy Grindhouse

Scarlett Johansson is rumoured to have been dating Sean Penn for the last two months. Therefore, it was no real surprise when there were pictures taken of the pair eating lunch together; lunch that had a happy ending; lunch for which she paid.

Well, cry yourself to sleep no more, dear hecklerspray reader/ squatter of the hecklerspray hovel. If the reaching rumours are true, you’ve just as good a shot as anyone at bedding the buxom baby Marilyn Monroe.

There were raised eyebrows at the news the 26-year-old and 50-year-old were less dating and more sleeping together for kicks and column inches. Our stomachs had just settled when these rumours were followed by ones of Scarlett dating Jason Sudeikis and flirting with Kevin Connolly.