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With the news that Adele (her again!) is like, totes, going to write and release the theme for the new Bond film, us handsome devils at hecklerspray are going to take a look at the Top Ten Bond themes.
So get comfy, pour yourself a drink and get ready to agree with every single one of our choices.
Right?
So you played online poker for three hours and won a sum that a Polish minimum wage employee would snort derisively at.
The disappointment you feel could not compare to that of these fine gentlemen of film after learning what the wardrobe department had in store for them. We’ve all had to wear tights for one reason or another in our life, but even the butchest of men struggle to pull off these fashion faux pas.
So kick-starting the list is a man who drinks ugly and craps failure…
Sean Connery would be rubbish on Grumpy Old Men – but stick him in a show called Compulsively Aggressive Old Men Full Of Blind Hatred For Humanity and you’re away.
Or at least that’s the theory. Having allegedly made enemies of his friends, neighbours and everyone who’s ever seen Zardoz from start to finish, Sean Connery has now apparently turned on his son Jason.
According to a book written by his ex-wife Diane Cilento, Sean Connery’s tricks have included removing Jason from his will and threatening to kill him during an argument about his name.
Apparently, it was all an effort to get Jason to stand on his own two feet, and it worked – without Sean’s help Jason would have never founded the My Dad’s A Miserly Bald Sod Who Inexplicably Wants Me Dead support group. Thanks Sean!
It must be a nightmare living next door to James Bond.
Face it – you'd have that huge Aston Martin clogging up the driveway, a never-ending stream of Martini supply trucks dropping stuff off and the occasional coroner popping round to have a peek at dead ladies covered in gold paint. Not to mention the fact that he'd be looking all suave and ladykiller-like all the time, constantly showing off beautiful girlfriends like Eva Mendes while – in stark contrast – you have to settle for some slapper you met in Wetherspoons who looks a bit like the Cadbury's Mini Eggs parrot.
Luckily, of course, Bond is simply a fictional character. You'd never have such trouble if you lived next to, say, actor Sean Connery, would you? Of course not – he'd be like a benevolent old uncle, constantly popping round from the flat upstairs to give you tins of shortbread and perform entertaining highland jigs when there's nothing on television.
You'd think that, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you? Hell yes you would – and you'd quite literally be the wrongest person in the whole wide world for doing so.
