Ashley Greene is very close to joining the cast of Scream 4.

The Twilight nobody, who became a somebody after naked pictures of her came out on the internet, has been offered to step into Neve Campbell’s shoes in Wes Craven’s fourth instalment of the annoying horror franchise.

Heroes star Hayden Panettiere and yet another malnourished Culkin brother, Rory, will be joining Greene is getting sliced up with a huge knife – which, ironically, was how hecklerspray felt throughout the whole of Scream 3.

Courteney Cox, her husband David Arquette and Neve Campbell have also agreed to be in the movie – mainly because they have very little else to do. (Apparently Craven is paying them in food vouchers).

It has certainly been a good month for Greene, who only recently re-negotiated a deal to return to the Twilight series in Breaking Dawn, and proof that getting your kit off has always been a good career move. Unless you have the kind of body that makes babies cry (otherwise I would have done it years ago).

But, thankfully for Greene, she doesn’t and her nude pictures have become of the biggest internet sensations over the past year.

Honestly, some people will do anything to get noticed by Robert Pattinson.

Greene will play Jill, the cousin of Neve Campbell’s character Sidney, while Hayden will play her best friend.

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It’s been eight years since Scream 3 was released, and those have been eight of the happiest years of our life.

Seriously, 96 consecutive months without being infuriated by David Arquette, worrying about the threat of a sudden Matthew Lillard cameo or bothering to remember that Liev Schreiber even exists. Yes, a world without Scream is a happy world indeed.

But don’t get too cosy, because there’s a Scream 4 on the way. There definitely is. Definitely. We know this because Jamie Kennedy, star of Dinotopia: Quest for the Ruby Sunstone, seems to be under the vague impression that there might be. Still, that’s enough to give us the right old bloody hump for the day. For a change.

Scream. That was a clever movie, wasn’t it? It subverted the form of the horror genre, turning something scary and thrilling into something so smug that it made you want to shove your fist down your throat and pummel your kidneys into goo from the inside.

It also helped inspire cinema greats like The Faculty, Urban Legend, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Urban Legends: Final Cut, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and Urban Legends: Bloody Mary. That’s one hell of a legacy.

More than that, though, Scream also inspired Scream 2 and Scream 3 – films that answered the question “What would Scream be like if you remade it to be exactly the same but not as good twice?” And now it looks as if Scream has also inspired Scream 4.

Wait, we know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that Scream 4 has already been made. A smug horror film directed by Wes Craven and written by Kevin Williamson that came after Scream 3? Why, that’s Cursed - the story where Christina Ricci possibly turns into a werewolf and something happens at the end that we don’t know about because we turned it off halfway through because it was a bunch of arseholes.

Will Scream 4 be able to reach the lofty heights of Cursed? One thing’s for sure – Jamie Kennedy seems to think it is. And he was in Son Of The Mask, so he clearly knows a shitload about class. According to iF:

“I actually had a conversation with somebody very big in the organization, and there’s a way,” he tells iF. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but they have plans for a lot of things. You can see new faces that you wouldn’t expect and you can see old faces that you wouldn’t believe. There’s a way to bring a lot of things around.”

New faces you wouldn’t expect? Old faces you wouldn’t believe? Does this mean Liza Minelli‘s going to star in Scream 4? Because she’s kind of both those things.

Perhaps we’re being too hard on Scream 4. After all, enough time has passed since Scream 3 for there to be a new take on the formula. Technology has changed immeasurably since the last movie, so perhaps Scream 4 can revolve around that. So, basically, it’d be exactly the same as Scream, but with iPhones. We’d watch that.

For the sake of transparency we feel inclined to point out that we wouldn’t actually watch that.