Scarlett Johansson - HecklerSpray

Scarlett Johansson Sold The Rest Of Her Soul For A Big Fat Check

February 3rd, 2014 By Megan Leitch

Scarlett Johansson, like most of the rest of the world, likes having money.? She likes it so much that she agreed to bring her status down from “serious actress” (who can’t really act) to B lister,?and participate in a commercial that aired during the Super Bowl for a nice paycheck.?

The problem with this decision, however,?is that the company she agreed to pimp out, SodaStream, is on the?Oxfam’s naughty list.? And since Johansson is (eh hem, was) a global ambassador for the human right’s organization, this was some unacceptable shit.

Scarlett Johansson Got Engaged and Ruined a Lot of Lives

September 5th, 2013 By Natalia Kemble

Scarlett Johansson showed up at the Venice International Film Festival on Wednesday wearing an engagement ring the size of her eyeball, much to the dismay of straight men and lesbians everywhere. (You may notice them collapsing into the fetal position throughout the day, crying “Why god why?” over and over ?? this is normal. Just remember that Tom Hiddleston is still available. Everything’s going to be okay.)

The fianc? is Romain Dauriac, a French journalist who ScarJo’s been dating since last November and nobody had heard of until yesterday, which means their marriage will probably be even more boring than it would be if he were famous.?

Scarlett Johansson Without Makeup

Scarlett Johansson is an established A list Hollywood actress ? her acting may be mediocre but audiences really cant bring themselves to be bothered when she looks so phenomenal.

She's been laughing all the way to the bank as the sequel to Avengers Assemble will see Scarlett as the highest paid actress of all time, banking a whopping 13 million for the role of Black Widow.

Miss Johansson certainly knows she is a catch, tattooing a lucky horse shoe to her rib cage with ?lucky you? written above it. No arguments there, even if it does look like a toddler designed the tattoo. Don't be surprised when I tell you that Scarlett Johansson without makeup looks fantastic.

Scarlett Johansson Isn’t A Slob At Home: Also, More Press Inches Since Leaked Nudes

October 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

We’ve seen Scarlett Johansson’s boobs and bum after some clever-dick managed to breach her internet security and show the world her wares, or rather, the way she gives the people she’s boning and lob-on.

And for the most part, jealous woman spat ‘Well, they weren’t THAT good’.

But there’s more to Scarlett than all that. She’s brave. She refused to wear make-up in We Bought a Zoo, whatever the fresh shit that is! However, when she’s at home, she ain’t no slob. You won’t find her eating Variety Packs straight from the box in her stained tracksuit pants watching Cheaters. No way.

Sean Penn Is A Massive Bitch And A Commie One At That

December 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

When Sean Penn’s not being pestered by Scarlett Johansson on the rebound, he’s being all philanthropic and all that jive. Of course, having a political persuasion means you’ll rub some people up the wrong way and they shout at you.

Mercifully for Sean Penn, he’s a grade-a bitch. He has put-downs that could almost match the output of a drag queen convention.

And who found this out at their cost? Why, if it wasn’t a co-star of his who accused Penn of being a Communist. What fun!

Scarlett Johansson’s Musician Boyfriend Must Have A Large Wang Because He’s Got Nothing Else Going For Him

December 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Boobs. Now we’ve got that out of the way, let us look at the rest of Scarlett Johansson’s tawdry existence on this wretched, awful speck of dust we call Earth as it revolves its tired way around this cold, unyielding solar system of ours.

Joy! Showbiz joy at that!

Anyway, now ScarJo has stopped dry-humping Sean Penn’s alleged leg, she be prowlin’ for another fancy mate. And remarkably, she’s chosen British musician Dan White, leaving us to assume that Dan White must be in a band with a very canny PR company working behind him or, indeed, Johansson has a penchant for derivative, tuneless indie schmindie.

Scarlett Johansson Talks About Her Leaked Boobs [Video]

October 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

Hey! You probably don’t remember this, but a while ago, Scarlett Johansson got her emails hacked and some nudey photos of her ended up online and a couple of people got to see her bottom and busters.

It probably didn’t seem like much of a big deal to you and you certainly wouldn’t have kept looking at the photos over and over again and, it goes without saying, that there is NO WAY you hoped more explicit shots ended up online… but to ScarJo, she was rather upset.

She cried so hard that the FBI came to help her wipe her tears and BINGO BANGO some chap got arrested, potentially leaving us with intentional photo leaks, which just aren’t as romantic are they?

Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds Are Still Doing It Like Sexy Pigs

December 13th, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

You may find this hard to believe but the hecklerspray staff are hideous. It’s true. We’re not a pretty bunch of misanthropes. We’re so ugly in fact, that none of us are able to get a date with anyone who has at least one functioning eye and if we were ever forced to mate with each other, our offspring would look like Michael Berryman, but much shorter and with considerably more hair.

So when we hear about beautiful people who are touching the bottoms of other beautiful people, it makes us terribly unhappy and we feel the need to make fun of them for your amusement, safe in the knowledge that we’ve made fun of ourselves first before you can respond with something annoyingly lame and probably in text speak.

Let’s do this.

Scarlett Johansson Says Marriage Is A Good Idea, Even Though It Clearly Isn’t

October 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

Scarlett Johansson’s boobs. She showed them off to us by accident didn’t she? That’s probably the thing she’ll be remembered for when she dies. Boobs, oh and she did some films. Better to be remembered for titties than forgotten entirely, right?

Either way, we’re not here to talk about breasts all day. We’re talking marriage. Pull up a seat. Let’s get deep.

See, Scarlett is under the assumption that marrying Ryan Reynolds was one of the best decisions she ever made. She split with him after two years and made one of the most annoying perfume adverts in history. But it was still totally the best thing she ever did. Ryan Reynolds. Think about that.

Scarlett Johansson, Taylor Swift And That One From Glee All Vying To Showcase Furrowed Brow In Les Mis

November 30th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

A film version of Les Miserables is afoot and everyone wants in because it really is exactly the kind of overwrought, bust-heaving weariness that gets you an Oscar nomination. And the thesps are circling like vultures!

Scarlett Johansson, Taylor Swift and Lea Michele (the main girl from Glee) are all competing with each other so they can land the coveted role in the upcoming Les Mis movie.

If any brake cables get cut in some terrible ‘accident’, you’ll know exactly who to blame. Right? There’s already a superstar cast signed up for this film too.