Hey! The Devil seems okay doesn’t he? Sure, some of his followers are a bit mental and go around killing people in his name and indulge in strange practises while praising him… just like Roman Catholics without the whole ‘child buggering’ thing.
Anyway, Reese Witherspoon has signed on to star in Devil’s Knot. That’s a forthcoming drama about the funny feeling Satan gets in his stomach when he sees a girl he fancies.
Actually, it isn’t. It’s much darker than that. In fact, it’s about murder and the only thing more sickened and twisted than the goat boy himself… THE AMERICAN LEGAL SYSTEM.
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We’re not ones for spreading malicious lies about people, but we have received word that someone living amongst us is demonic and pure evil.
Hecklerspray strongly recommends that you get down to your nearest jewellery shop and buy up all the crosses you can buy. Or if you don’t have much cash, go down to your nearest church and see what you can pick up.
You see, it could be the end of the world as we know it. For years, Christians have battled against evil and told us that one day Satan will rise up to do battle with us all. This has finally happened as Jessica Alba has unmasked herself as the evil lord of the underworld. And she’s a girl, who’d have thought that? So repent now people! Or just give Jessica a biscuit. That’d probably do it as well.
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