Posts tagged as:

Sarah Palin

Levi Johnston Takes His Top Off For Reasons Not Immediately Clear

by Stuart Heritage

Remember Levi Johnston? Of course you do. He’s the man who knocked Sarah Palin’s teenage daughter up that time. It was hilarious.

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Bristol Palin & Levi: The Wedding You Don’t Care About Is OFF!

by Stuart Heritage

Remember Sarah Palin? Of course you don’t – which means you’re less likely to remember her daughter Bristol.

So here’s a brief recap. Sarah Palin was the woman who would have become vice-president of America, if only a) she wasn’t colossally stupid, b) her main hobby didn’t involved blasting holes in the side of reindeers with a shotgun and c) her teenage daughter Bristol hadn’t got knocked up by a redneck at an inopportune moment.

And now it’s been revealed that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, the father of her illegitimate baby, have split up. Please respond with the appropriate ambivalence.

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Sarah Palin Gets Bamboozled By French Canadian Radio

by Shawn Lindseth

Well today’s the day of the great US presidential election. By the time the clock strikes midnight the world will know who exactly will be placing lunch orders from the Oval Office phone pretty much everyday over the course of the next four years. Now whenever hecklerspray votes for things like this we take it [...]

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Elisabeth Hasselbeck Rocks The Screechy Idiot Vote For Palin

by Stuart Heritage

At this point, it’s fair to say that we’d let a robot dinosaur Hitler win the election if it meant it could all be finished today.

Because, honestly, we know that it’s an important election and all, but it’s turned everyone into stupid screeching partisan bellends. And Exhibit A would be this – at a Sarah Palin rally in Florida yesterday, people not only let Elizabeth Hasselbeck from The View screech on witlessly about politics for 10 entire minutes, but they also actually clapped her at the end.

It just goes to show how much trouble the Republican campaign is in – it’s clear they just let Elizabeth Hasselbeck shriek her worldview to a crowd so that Sarah Palin would look marginally more intelligent in comparison. Let’s hope it worked, because it’s literally impossible to pander to the lowest commondenominator any more than that. Well, unless someone gives Jessica Simpson a call, but who’d want that?

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Disturbing Friday Fun: ‘Sarah Palin’ Clip

by C J Davies

You know what Disturbing Friday Fun is by now – an occasional end-of-week feature in which we present you with something alarming, unusual or downright baffling from some random corner of the interweb. And you’ll probably also be aware that we usually like to ease you in with a explanatory couple of paragraphs. Just, y’know, to set the scene.

This week? We don’t know what to say. Seriously, people … we’ve got nothing. Other than to say this is the oddest thing we have ever linked to. Ever.

Just watch.

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Madonna Tells Sarah Palin To Either Move Or Get A Gap-Toothed Beat Down

by Shawn Lindseth

At a mandatory hecklerspray retreat we all had to attend, have fun at or be fired, everybody woke up to a horrible fright. It was Stu Heritage and Chris Laverty screaming in unison because they simultaneously dreamt that Madonna‘s wrinkled old lady hands were wrapping around their throats with the full intent of murder. Needless [...]

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Madonna Bans Sarah Palin From Her Concerts

by Stuart Heritage

As we all know, there’s nothing that strongly-religious wilderness-dwelling female politicians like more than having a 50-year-old vajuju repeatedly into their faces.

And, as such, we’re fully expecting Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin to be inconsolable now that Madonna has decided to ban her from her concerts. According to reports, Madonna told her New Jersey audience on Saturday that Sarah Palin wasn’t welcome at any of her shows.

But Sarah Palin isn’t called Sarah Barracuda for nothing, and so she’s gone on the counter-attack. Madonna doesn’t want to see Sarah Palin at any of her concerts? Fine – but if we were Madonna we wouldn’t be expecting an invitation for Sarah Palin’s next ‘shoot a wolf from a helicopter and saw off its leg for the bounty’ party. Your loss, Madonna. Your loss.

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Barack Obama Really Doesn’t Want Lindsay Lohan’s Help, Thanks

by Stuart Heritage

Think what you will, but you all know deep down that the upcoming presidential election will be won and lost on the say-so of one person – Lindsay Lohan.

You might not realise it, but it’s true. Look at Lindsay Lohan – she definitely thinks so. Earlier this week Lindsay was blogging her little freckles off about mean old Sarah Palin, and now she’s decided to host a number of events for her candidate of choice, Barack Obama.

Trouble is, Barack Obama would rather dip his balls in acid than let Lindsay Lohan even begin to help him out, and his people have turned all of her offers down. But don’t worry, because Lindsay Lohan has put the snub behind her and moved onto bigger and better things. Well, maybe not bigger. And better’s a slight exaggeration. But things. Definitely things.

Staring into the middle distance and cultivating a staggering lack of self-awareness still counts as a thing, doesn’t it? Good.

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Now Meg Ryan Gets To Drone On About Sarah Palin Too

by Stuart Heritage

Look, we know we’ve been hard on all these celebrities blathering on about Sarah Palin lately, but we’re absolutely not going to do it this time.

That’s because, for once, we understand why. When other actors started ragging on Sarah Palin, it was because they were cynically trying to prove that they’re not just moronic overpaid puppets with nice hair. But now Meg Ryan has decided to express her opinion on Sarah Palin, and her rationale for doing so comes from a much purer place.

Don’t you see? Meg Ryan is only trying to jump in on Sarah Palin because she just wants everyone to remember that she actually exists. It’s OK Meg Ryan, we remember. You can go now.

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Sarah Palin: The View From Professor Lindsay Lohan

by Stuart Heritage

Lindsay Lohan is a world-renowned expert on everything from not wearing knickers to being a bit annoying and ginger – but what about politics?

Well, yes, it turns out that Lindsay Lohan is actually an expert on politics as well, which explains why she’s written a 640-word essay on the subject of Sarah Palin on her MySpace page. Well it’s not so much of an essay, more a sort of rehash of general criticism made against Sarah Palin by intelligent and thoughtful people, but translated from English into knuckleheaded idiot.

But still, now that Lindsay Lohan has joined the ranks of celebrities with the weird compulsion to broadcast their views on Sarah Palin to the world, we’ve almost got a complete set. Just Uncle Phil from The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air, Peter Simon from Run The Risk and Skeletor to go and finally we’ll be able to make an informed decision about the woman.

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