Articles tagged with: Sarah Palin
This Just In: Levi Johnston’s Penis Obscured By Foliage
Admit it, the highlight of your November was going to involve examining Levi Johnston's penis for protruding veins. Well not any more, tough guy. That just isn't going to happen. Sure, ever since Levi Johnston first announced his upcoming Playgirl spread, everyone had assumed that he'd whap his willy around at some point - but now the Playgirl photoshoot has taken place, and we're sad to report that Levi Johnston keeps it covered up throughout. Obviously by 'sad to report' we mean 'sad that our lives have reached a point where we're expected to express emotion based on whether or not an opportunistic redneck has displayed his genitalia in a magazine for money or not', but you get the point.
Admit it, the highlight of your November was going to involve examining Levi Johnston's penis for protruding veins. Well not any more, tough guy. That just isn't going to happen. Sure, ever since Levi Johnston first announced his upcoming Playgirl spread, everyone had assumed that he'd whap his willy around at some point - but now the Playgirl photoshoot has taken place, and we're sad to report that Levi Johnston keeps it covered up throughout. Obviously by 'sad to report' we mean 'sad that our lives have reached a point where we're expected to express emotion based on whether or not an opportunistic redneck has displayed his genitalia in a magazine for money or not', but you get the point.
Levi Johnston Rips On Sarah Palin While Promoting His Testicles
Is it just us, or has the sexual tension between Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston become too much to take? It's just us? Oh fine, spoil our dreams. Anyway, Sarah Palin and Levi Johnstone have spent the last few days lobbing grenades at each other in the media. Levi - the father of Sarah Palin's illegitimate grandchild - has accused Palin of referring to her youngest child, who has Downs syndrome, as 'retarted', and Sarah Palin has responded by getting all "He's not retarded, you're retarded" back at him. We're paraphrasing. But Levi Johnston will have the last laugh - he's allowed a man to photograph his genitals for cash. Top that, Palin. Actually, don't.
Is it just us, or has the sexual tension between Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston become too much to take? It's just us? Oh fine, spoil our dreams. Anyway, Sarah Palin and Levi Johnstone have spent the last few days lobbing grenades at each other in the media. Levi - the father of Sarah Palin's illegitimate grandchild - has accused Palin of referring to her youngest child, who has Downs syndrome, as 'retarted', and Sarah Palin has responded by getting all "He's not retarded, you're retarded" back at him. We're paraphrasing. But Levi Johnston will have the last laugh - he's allowed a man to photograph his genitals for cash. Top that, Palin. Actually, don't.
Playgirl: Levi Johnston Not Done Baring His Nuts Yet
Levi Johnston is like buses. Specifically big, stupid-looking sexually-misinformed, culturally-notorious buses. Let us explain. Like buses, you can go your whole life waiting for one woefully opportunistic grasp for ephemeral celebrity from Levi Johnston, and then two come along at once. You might remember earlier this week when Levi Johnston decided to cash in his fame as the father of Sarah Palin's illegitimate grandchild by doing a TV commercial for some pistachio nuts. Well that's nothing. Because Levi Johnston will soon pose naked for Playgirl. Finally we'll get to see the dick that ruined Sarah Palin's election hopes. Oh no, wait, that was Sarah Palin.
Levi Johnston is like buses. Specifically big, stupid-looking sexually-misinformed, culturally-notorious buses. Let us explain. Like buses, you can go your whole life waiting for one woefully opportunistic grasp for ephemeral celebrity from Levi Johnston, and then two come along at once. You might remember earlier this week when Levi Johnston decided to cash in his fame as the father of Sarah Palin's illegitimate grandchild by doing a TV commercial for some pistachio nuts. Well that's nothing. Because Levi Johnston will soon pose naked for Playgirl. Finally we'll get to see the dick that ruined Sarah Palin's election hopes. Oh no, wait, that was Sarah Palin.
Here’s A Video Of Levi Johnston Flogging His Nuts
Here's an important life lesson for you, boys - if you want to get rich, knock up a politician's underage daughter. Just look at Levi Johnston. Ever since he accidentally torpedoed Sarah Palin's White House ambitions by getting her 17-year-old daughter pregnant, Levi Johnston has been living the jetset life of a true celebrity. A true celebrity who is famous for appearing in one commercial for a brand of pistachio nuts that nobody has ever heard of, based on a pun that doesn't really work, and nothing else. Levi Johnston, you've really hit the big time now! The video's after the jump...
Here's an important life lesson for you, boys - if you want to get rich, knock up a politician's underage daughter. Just look at Levi Johnston. Ever since he accidentally torpedoed Sarah Palin's White House ambitions by getting her 17-year-old daughter pregnant, Levi Johnston has been living the jetset life of a true celebrity. A true celebrity who is famous for appearing in one commercial for a brand of pistachio nuts that nobody has ever heard of, based on a pun that doesn't really work, and nothing else. Levi Johnston, you've really hit the big time now! The video's after the jump...
David Letterman Vs Sarah Palin & Some Idiots: It’s (Still) On
Wolves, you've just earnt yourselves a respite. Sarah Palin is currently too busy to shoot you from a helicopter with a machinegun. It's all thanks to David Letterman. If you've been following the news, you've probably heard that David Letterman told a moderately funny joke last week, which Sarah Palin took offence to because she thought it was about the statutory rape of her 14-year-old daughter. Which it probably wasn't. And now, somewhat inevitably, it's war. So God help David Letterman when Sarah Palin becomes president. Because if she doesn't get him, one of those flying pigs definitely will.
Wolves, you've just earnt yourselves a respite. Sarah Palin is currently too busy to shoot you from a helicopter with a machinegun. It's all thanks to David Letterman. If you've been following the news, you've probably heard that David Letterman told a moderately funny joke last week, which Sarah Palin took offence to because she thought it was about the statutory rape of her 14-year-old daughter. Which it probably wasn't. And now, somewhat inevitably, it's war. So God help David Letterman when Sarah Palin becomes president. Because if she doesn't get him, one of those flying pigs definitely will.
Levi Johnston Takes His Top Off For Reasons Not Immediately Clear
Remember Levi Johnston? Of course you do. He's the man who knocked Sarah Palin's teenage daughter up that time. It was hilarious. You remember. Sarah Palin was all like "I want to be vice president because anyone who has sex before marriage should be burnt to death as a prostitute" and Sarah Palin's daughter was all like "Hey, my water just broke" and Levi Johnston was all like "Oops" and Sarah Palin was all like "Why I oughta..." Again, hilarious. Anyway, Levi Johnston is in this month's GQ holding a baby with his top off. Lord alone knows why.
Remember Levi Johnston? Of course you do. He's the man who knocked Sarah Palin's teenage daughter up that time. It was hilarious. You remember. Sarah Palin was all like "I want to be vice president because anyone who has sex before marriage should be burnt to death as a prostitute" and Sarah Palin's daughter was all like "Hey, my water just broke" and Levi Johnston was all like "Oops" and Sarah Palin was all like "Why I oughta..." Again, hilarious. Anyway, Levi Johnston is in this month's GQ holding a baby with his top off. Lord alone knows why.
Bristol Palin & Levi: The Wedding You Don’t Care About Is OFF!
Remember Sarah Palin? Of course you don't - which means you're less likely to remember her daughter Bristol. So here's a brief recap. Sarah Palin was the woman who would have become vice-president of America, if only a) she wasn't colossally stupid, b) her main hobby didn't involved blasting holes in the side of reindeers with a shotgun and c) her teenage daughter Bristol hadn't got knocked up by a redneck at an inopportune moment. And now it's been revealed that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, the father of her illegitimate baby, have split up. Please respond with the appropriate ambivalence.
Remember Sarah Palin? Of course you don't - which means you're less likely to remember her daughter Bristol. So here's a brief recap. Sarah Palin was the woman who would have become vice-president of America, if only a) she wasn't colossally stupid, b) her main hobby didn't involved blasting holes in the side of reindeers with a shotgun and c) her teenage daughter Bristol hadn't got knocked up by a redneck at an inopportune moment. And now it's been revealed that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, the father of her illegitimate baby, have split up. Please respond with the appropriate ambivalence.
Sarah Palin Gets Bamboozled By French Canadian Radio
Well today's the day of the great US presidential election. By the time the clock strikes midnight the world will know who exactly will be placing lunch orders from the Oval Office phone pretty much everyday over the course of the next four years. Now whenever hecklerspray votes for things like this we take it all very seriously. We carefully balance the pros and cons of each party's candidate, and then typically write-in the name Shamu in whatever space is given for that sort of thing. So far our candidate hasn't won, which is dumb because orcas are supposed to be wicked smart. C'mon people, its time for a change. If we were French Canadian we might go about political things differently. Yes, if we were French Canadian we might make our voting-decision by actually talking to each candidate in person over the phone, after we somehow received their actual phone numbers. That's what a couple of DJs from up there just did. And, although we never thought we'd say this about anything French Canadian except the overall culture, its actually pretty funny. Take a listen on page #2.
Well today's the day of the great US presidential election. By the time the clock strikes midnight the world will know who exactly will be placing lunch orders from the Oval Office phone pretty much everyday over the course of the next four years. Now whenever hecklerspray votes for things like this we take it all very seriously. We carefully balance the pros and cons of each party's candidate, and then typically write-in the name Shamu in whatever space is given for that sort of thing. So far our candidate hasn't won, which is dumb because orcas are supposed to be wicked smart. C'mon people, its time for a change. If we were French Canadian we might go about political things differently. Yes, if we were French Canadian we might make our voting-decision by actually talking to each candidate in person over the phone, after we somehow received their actual phone numbers. That's what a couple of DJs from up there just did. And, although we never thought we'd say this about anything French Canadian except the overall culture, its actually pretty funny. Take a listen on page #2.
