Articles tagged with: Sarah Jessica Parker
Sometimes a piece of news comes along that makes us genuinely confused - people, get ready for that news. You know Cynthia Nixon from Sex And The City? She's got fans. Actual fans. Not people who say that they like her to be ironic, or because they think that liking Sarah Jessica Parker would be too obvious. She's got fans. The sort of hysterical logic-defying fans who'd storm onto the set of Sex And The City 2 just so they can be close to her. It's weird. But at least they weren't Kim Cattrall fans. That would have really freaked us out.
Sarah Jessica Parker, you sicken us. Paying a woman to be a surrogate mother is simply not God's way. If you wanted children so badly, Sarah Jessica Parker, then you should have done it the natural way - by arbitrarily choosing a smallish African nation and bullying it into giving you a child. Or, if you were having trouble conceiving a baby in that way, then you should have built a school teaching your crackpot religion until the country feels guilty and changes its mind. But doing it via a surrogate, as you've just done? Ugh. But congratulations and everything, yeah?
You know at the end of that 1999 Godzilla remake how even though the monster was dead, it still left big, green eggs all the heck over the place? Well Matthew Broderick's character was probably all "Oh eff! What the effing eff!" But it ended up he needn't have worried because the film flopped, graciously preventing a tired-already franchise from getting off the ground. The thing is - it appears he may have stopped worrying too soon about little lizard babies. Because his possibly-reptilian wife's southern regions are about to be torn asunder with twins.
The Sex And The City movie was fun, but we didn't like the way that nobody looked frighteningly haggard in it. But someone up there is listening. The Sex And The City stars have all signed on for Sex And The City 2, so soon we'll get to see Kim Cattrall's clodge looking more tired and wizened than ever before! In fact, with the cast getting older as movies become more immersive, we're sure that Sex And The City 2 will be the first movie where the audience gets a free HRT patch and a scoop of KY jelly on their way in.
Without a shadow of a doubt, the two most important things to happen to the planet this year are the American general election and the Sex And The City film.
So imagine - just imagine - what would happen if the general election and the Sex And The City movie hit each other head-on. Imagine the explosion of joy. Scientists would probably bookmark that date as the day when all of Earth's problems were solved forever.
So, people, brace yourself for that exact thing, because it's happened - Sarah Jessica Parker has claimed that her five-year-old son quite likes Barack Obama. And Lego. But mainly Barack Obama. He's harder to ram up your nose than Lego.
Without a shadow of a doubt, the new Sex And The City movie is easily the most highly-anticipated film amongst people who enjoy watching four crag-faced women sitting round a table talking about orgasms like they bloody invented them.
But it turns out that the Sex And The City movie will see another sex-obsessed harlot joining Horsey McGee and her horny middle-aged friends for their life of sipping overpriced cocktails in swanky bars full of insufferable tits and cracking onto men young enough to be their great-grandchildren - it's Michael Bloomberg, mayor of New York! It's been announced that Michael Bloomberg has scored a role in the Sex And The City movie and, although nobody knows what he'll be starring as yet, early odds are that he'll be one of Kim Cattrall's dildos.
That joke could be counted as political satire if we had the first clue about anything to do with Michael Bloomberg, you know.
