Sometimes it’s hard for pop artists, isn’t it? When Britney feared she was becoming irrelevant, she reached for the bottle labelled “substep” and shaved her head, while J-Lo’s relative obscurity in recent years was remedied by a genuinely insulting and lazy attempts at songs about dancing and drinking too much.
But nothing keeps a musician relevant like an assault charge and an addiction now, does it?
Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud announced today, just after a story about her and boyfriend Theo de Vries kicking lumps out of each other came out this week, that the couple met in rehab for their respective drinking problems. Now, it’s not that we’re taking a pop at recovering addicts and victims of domestic abuse. Far from it. In fact, you go, girl!
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Sarah Harding, or the blonde one from Girls Aloud, has spent the last wee while in rehab. Did you know that?
No, neither did we.
Is it that no-one told us or simply that the admission of a celebrity to rehab has become so commonplace that we now spend more time focussing on what Daniel O’Donnell’s up to. He’s nice. Grans like Daniel O’Donnell.
Sarah Harding doesn’t though. She thinks he’s boring and once interrupted a West
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Run! Hide! Duck for cover! Geri Halliwell’s womb is on the prowl and it demands that one of you penis owning plebs puts some swimmers up there to enable her to have a baby, which she’ll cradle and whisper sinisterly to it ’til it runs away from home aged 15.
See, Ginger Spice has split up from boyfriend Henry Beckwith because of his partying lifestyle. Beckwith wants to party like it’s 1999 and Geri wants to sit down like it’s 1957.
And because they were both stuck in different years, the ‘singer’ decided to end their two year relationship. She wants babies. He wants Babycham. It wasn’t ever going to work was it?
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Sarah Harding has ‘finally’ admitted she has had lip fillers, in a move that has left us feeling as violently disinterested as we are unshocked. But hey, we’ve got pages to fill and mouths to feed, so on we trudge with the inevitable succession of self-consciously acerbic and needlessly vitriolic words.
Thank Christ for thesauruses, that’s all we’ll say.
If you don’t know who Ms Harding is, she’s of some time girl-band-singing-about-love-machines fame (they mean their fannies) and oft time going-out-on-the-razzle-dazzle fame (drinking shitloads of Barcardi Breezers – the half sugar ones, obvs – and trying not to flash aforementioned fanny at the paps), or if you prefer, she was in Girls Aloud. So, what’s this about her plump lips?
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For most singers, starting off your pop career in front of creepy Louis Walsh, Geri ‘I will kill you in your sleep’ Halliwell and a mentally masturbating Pete Waterman, would be professional suicide and probably quite traumatic, but for Sarah Harding the rest of Girls Aloud it actually worked out pretty well for them.
They wore some make-up, made some not-too-terrible pop tunes and gave a generation of drooling men another reason to work their palms with an uncontrollable fervour.
Until one day they decided to concentrate on other important and exciting projects like getting divorced, making pasty make-up for pasty girls and of course falling out of nightclubs, absolutely slaughtered.
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The process of a pop group disbanding is very similar to the gradual disintegration of a once-wonderful love affair.
It starts with a few missed appointments, then a couple of sudden solo holidays, followed by dates with other people, startling weight loss on your part, thanks to an inability to hold down food. Then eventually you’re left in a metaphorical sand-holding situation, in which the sand represents your love, and yet it appears to be flowing through your fingers at an ever-quickening rate.
Eventually, in your heightened state of mania, you notice that the sand has gone. There’s nothing there. It’s over. And rather embarrassingly, your partner has moved on, and appears to be actually marrying someone else. When did all of that happen?
Anyway, all of this leads completely seamlessly to the popular all-girl group, Girls Aloud. In egg timer terms, the consensus this week is that time is running out – over 50 per cent of them are going solo, and four of them are really bloody thin. Basically, it’s finished. So what next for these glamorous young women? Read on and you’ll find out… Read More >>>
Here, have a guest blog by Josh from Interestment…
There was a time, probably in the 1980s and 1990s, when having a celebrity girlfriend would make you the coolest guy in the world.
After all, look at famous people – they’re so wealthy, so demure, their hair is so light and feathery. And how about the way they smell! Is that Chanel No 5? Probably, we wouldn’t know, because we’re just rubbish normal people. We wear Lynx.
What great days, but unfortunately times have changed, and the lines between famous people and normal people have now completely blurred, meaning that even former pop stars like Kerry Katona can date cab drivers, and all the money in the world can’t possibly help that poor sneery one from Girls Aloud. With that in mind, we thought we’d outline some famous people we wouldn’t go out with, even if they were really really keen on us…
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