Ask any man what his fantasy is, and he’ll reply ‘Sandra Bullock, naked, with poo on her face and a gun up her bottom’.

Phwoar. Seriously, phwoar. And if you ask the man to elaborate slightly, then they’ll obviously explain that the man wiping poo across Sandra Bullock’s face and putting a gun up her bottom should be dressed as a Nazi and swearing quite a lot. So imagine everyone’s excitement when it was rumoured that Jesse James had made a Sandra Bullock sex tape featuring Nazi uniforms, facial poo-smearing and gun-based bottom play, and that he was threatening to leak it online following their split.

And imagine everyone’s disappointment when Sandra Bullock denied the existence of the sex tape yesterday in the strongest possible terms. Apparently it was all just a lie designed to damage her reputation. bit like The Net, except that was worse because it actually exists.