Articles tagged with: Samantha Ronson
Lindsay Lohan Is Apparently Going Jewish For Love
As Moses gingerly led his people through thousands of deserts over the course of 40 or so years, it was with an incredibly important purpose. And that purpose wasn't so much to rescue Jehovah's favourite people from a life of impoverished slavery as it was to have an ancient religion for Lindsay Lohan to one day convert to in an effort to prove her undying gay affection to a rather ugly lesbian. That being the case - it looks like Moses' many efforts are about to pay off - Lohan is reportedly taking the Jewish plunge.
As Moses gingerly led his people through thousands of deserts over the course of 40 or so years, it was with an incredibly important purpose. And that purpose wasn't so much to rescue Jehovah's favourite people from a life of impoverished slavery as it was to have an ancient religion for Lindsay Lohan to one day convert to in an effort to prove her undying gay affection to a rather ugly lesbian. That being the case - it looks like Moses' many efforts are about to pay off - Lohan is reportedly taking the Jewish plunge.
Relax Everyone, Samantha Ronson Isn’t So Exhausted Now
As a drab-faced woman whose only job is to go and play music at sweaty bellends for two hours at a time, Samantha Ronson knows about graft. We know this because we once attended Samantha Ronson's productivity seminar Shut Up Coal Miners: I Work Much Harder Than Any Of You Idiots. True, we only went because we heard Lindsay Lohan was going to be there, but that's beside the point. Anyway, Samantha Ronson works so hard that she recently went to hospital for exhaustion. Apparently she went straight to the Overdramatic Tosspot clinic, where she was diagnosed by a Dr Getarealjob. True story.
As a drab-faced woman whose only job is to go and play music at sweaty bellends for two hours at a time, Samantha Ronson knows about graft. We know this because we once attended Samantha Ronson's productivity seminar Shut Up Coal Miners: I Work Much Harder Than Any Of You Idiots. True, we only went because we heard Lindsay Lohan was going to be there, but that's beside the point. Anyway, Samantha Ronson works so hard that she recently went to hospital for exhaustion. Apparently she went straight to the Overdramatic Tosspot clinic, where she was diagnosed by a Dr Getarealjob. True story.
Lindsay Lohan Gets Covered In White Powder. For Once
Fur coats are important to Lindsay Lohan - sometimes they're all that stop her prematurely withered cha-chas from the elements. However, some people - some French people to be precise - don't approve of Lindsay Lohan's continued endorsement of animal fur. As such they've felt the need to attack Lindsay Lohan, and attack her with a starchy baking ingredient. too. To put it bluntly, someone threw flour at Lindsay Lohan this weekend, and it made Lindsay Lohan sad. But it also made Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend Samantha Ronson furious. Furious enough to dash to her computer and thrash out an angry dollop of screed about it on her blog. So it must be serious - Sam Ronson only uses her blog for important matters, like politics and private matters and reality TV shows and that time she totally just spent like six hours playing Guitar Hero until her hands were sore. You know, the big stuff.
Fur coats are important to Lindsay Lohan - sometimes they're all that stop her prematurely withered cha-chas from the elements. However, some people - some French people to be precise - don't approve of Lindsay Lohan's continued endorsement of animal fur. As such they've felt the need to attack Lindsay Lohan, and attack her with a starchy baking ingredient. too. To put it bluntly, someone threw flour at Lindsay Lohan this weekend, and it made Lindsay Lohan sad. But it also made Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend Samantha Ronson furious. Furious enough to dash to her computer and thrash out an angry dollop of screed about it on her blog. So it must be serious - Sam Ronson only uses her blog for important matters, like politics and private matters and reality TV shows and that time she totally just spent like six hours playing Guitar Hero until her hands were sore. You know, the big stuff.
Lindsay Lohan Loves Girls. And Boys. But Probably Not Animals
It's taken a while, but now Lindsay Lohan has finally decided to open up about all that stuff we already knew about her anyway. For the very first time, Lindsay Lohan has confessed to a magazine that she's probably bisexual. She won't fully commit to it for sure, just in case Samantha Ronson does turn out to be a man after all. Lindsay has, however, claimed that she doesn't know if she wants to get married to a man or a woman yet. Of course, Lindsay Lohan's sexual persuasion is her business and hers alone. If Lindsay Lohan wants to fall in love with a boy, that's fine. If Lindsay Lohan wants to fall in love with a girl, that's fine too. Frankly either one would be a step up from the barely functioning patchy-headed half-goat half-chimp hybrid abomination that was Calum Best, so really Lindsay Lohan wins either way.
It's taken a while, but now Lindsay Lohan has finally decided to open up about all that stuff we already knew about her anyway. For the very first time, Lindsay Lohan has confessed to a magazine that she's probably bisexual. She won't fully commit to it for sure, just in case Samantha Ronson does turn out to be a man after all. Lindsay has, however, claimed that she doesn't know if she wants to get married to a man or a woman yet. Of course, Lindsay Lohan's sexual persuasion is her business and hers alone. If Lindsay Lohan wants to fall in love with a boy, that's fine. If Lindsay Lohan wants to fall in love with a girl, that's fine too. Frankly either one would be a step up from the barely functioning patchy-headed half-goat half-chimp hybrid abomination that was Calum Best, so really Lindsay Lohan wins either way.
Wait A Minute, Lindsay Lohan Is GAY?!
You know that girl who Lindsay Lohan keeps traipsing around hand in hand with, the one widely regarded by everyone to be her girlfriend? Well, guess what? She is Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend. Sort of. We think. In a telephone interview with a radio station on Monday, Lindsay Lohan explained that she had been going out with Samantha Ronson "for a very long time" - the closest she's ever come to publicly admitting a lesbian relationship. Goodness. First Clay Aiken and now Lindsay Lohan. Today really seems to be the day for admitting long-kept secrets about your sexuality. And, thanks to this spirit of openness, we've decided that it's our turn too - Mum, Dad, we only get aroused by watching pregnant midget lesbian poo porn. But only if one of the midgets is an amputee and the other one is dressed like Ringo Starr as the Pope from Lisztomania. Too much?
You know that girl who Lindsay Lohan keeps traipsing around hand in hand with, the one widely regarded by everyone to be her girlfriend? Well, guess what? She is Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend. Sort of. We think. In a telephone interview with a radio station on Monday, Lindsay Lohan explained that she had been going out with Samantha Ronson "for a very long time" - the closest she's ever come to publicly admitting a lesbian relationship. Goodness. First Clay Aiken and now Lindsay Lohan. Today really seems to be the day for admitting long-kept secrets about your sexuality. And, thanks to this spirit of openness, we've decided that it's our turn too - Mum, Dad, we only get aroused by watching pregnant midget lesbian poo porn. But only if one of the midgets is an amputee and the other one is dressed like Ringo Starr as the Pope from Lisztomania. Too much?
Lindsay Lohan This Close To Marrying Samantha Ronson, Maybe
There used to be a time when Lindsay Lohan only loved booze, drugs, sex, partial nudity and films about winking Volkswagens, but not any more. Now it seems like Lindsay Lohan has found the love of her life - a boy-haired DJ called Samantha Ronson. For the past however many months, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have been completely inseparable, going to events together, falling out of clubs together, slagging off Lindsay Lohan's dad together - and now it looks like they want to make their union official. That's right, according to reports Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson could be getting married in the next few months. Let's just pray that they don't accidentally release a Pammy & Tommy-style honeymoon sex video. Not because lesbian sex repulses us, you understand, but because we've seen Lindsay Lohan naked so many times in the last few years that one more glimpse of her ginger knockers will probably send us into a deep narcoleptic coma that we'll never recover from.
There used to be a time when Lindsay Lohan only loved booze, drugs, sex, partial nudity and films about winking Volkswagens, but not any more. Now it seems like Lindsay Lohan has found the love of her life - a boy-haired DJ called Samantha Ronson. For the past however many months, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have been completely inseparable, going to events together, falling out of clubs together, slagging off Lindsay Lohan's dad together - and now it looks like they want to make their union official. That's right, according to reports Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson could be getting married in the next few months. Let's just pray that they don't accidentally release a Pammy & Tommy-style honeymoon sex video. Not because lesbian sex repulses us, you understand, but because we've seen Lindsay Lohan naked so many times in the last few years that one more glimpse of her ginger knockers will probably send us into a deep narcoleptic coma that we'll never recover from.
Lindsay Lohan Throws A Dad-Based Bloggy Strop Strop
We might be alone on this one, but does anyone else think that they picked the wrong members of the Lohan family for Living Lohan? Seriously, there were loads to choose from and they picked Oblivious Mother Lohan, the teenage Lohan girl with a voice like a laryngitis-stricken pensioner and a little Lohan son so gaspingly anonymous that he might well be a silent figment of our imagination. Basically we're just annoyed that Living Lohan stars neither Lindsay Lohan or her father Michael Lohan. Why? Because Lindsay Lohan and Michael Lohan have had a spectacular falling out in public, with Lindsay going on her blog to call her dad a 'bully' and a 'public embarrassment'. And Lindsay Lohan knows what she's on about - she's something of a global expert on being embarrassing in public.
We might be alone on this one, but does anyone else think that they picked the wrong members of the Lohan family for Living Lohan? Seriously, there were loads to choose from and they picked Oblivious Mother Lohan, the teenage Lohan girl with a voice like a laryngitis-stricken pensioner and a little Lohan son so gaspingly anonymous that he might well be a silent figment of our imagination. Basically we're just annoyed that Living Lohan stars neither Lindsay Lohan or her father Michael Lohan. Why? Because Lindsay Lohan and Michael Lohan have had a spectacular falling out in public, with Lindsay going on her blog to call her dad a 'bully' and a 'public embarrassment'. And Lindsay Lohan knows what she's on about - she's something of a global expert on being embarrassing in public.
Lindsay Lohan Reveals All, Which Is Very Little
Lindsay Lohan, as we all know, likes to keep herself to herself. Like Thom Yorke and Paul Scholes before her, she is an A-grade enigma. As to what makes her tick, we just don’t know. The only decent look inside her that we have had so far taught us little more than the fact that a vagina should really only be viewed in the cordial context of the bedroom, otherwise they can look quite menacing and no matter how hard you look at it, this particular insight was not quite wide enough to see through to her inner-soul. But those days of mystery are now behind us, because Christa D'Souza of The Sunday Times has given Lindsay the interview of her life. We double dare you to not read on.
Lindsay Lohan, as we all know, likes to keep herself to herself. Like Thom Yorke and Paul Scholes before her, she is an A-grade enigma. As to what makes her tick, we just don’t know. The only decent look inside her that we have had so far taught us little more than the fact that a vagina should really only be viewed in the cordial context of the bedroom, otherwise they can look quite menacing and no matter how hard you look at it, this particular insight was not quite wide enough to see through to her inner-soul. But those days of mystery are now behind us, because Christa D'Souza of The Sunday Times has given Lindsay the interview of her life. We double dare you to not read on.
