Articles tagged with: sam ronson
Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Wants YOU To Ruin His Daughter’s Happiness
Lindsay Lohan and her dad Michael have a complex relationship - you never know who the biggest twonk is.
Obviously your first instinct is Lindsay Lohan. She's not just a twonk these days - she's a professional twonk, with her every move painstakingly calibrated for maximum twonkiness. But look closer and you'll see that Michael Lohan comprehensively out-twonks his daughter.
Why? Because Michael Lohan has written a blog post urging the public to help him split Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson up, that's why. Oh, but he does consistently refer to Sam Ronson as SaMANtha, so at least wit's on his side, eh?
Mark Ronson Don’t Like Lindsay Lohan Schtupping His Sister
Sam Ronson isn't just the sourfaced, hat-wearing lesbian who's subjected to the sight of Lindsay Lohan's pubes more than anyone else, you know. No, Sam Ronson is also the sister of producer Mark Ronson. They both share quite a dominant 'terrible haircut' gene. And they're both DJs too, which leads us to believe that their family is so rich that neither of them to ever have to worry about getting a proper job. But, anyway, Mark Ronson is apparently trying to end Sam Ronson's relationship with Lindsay Lohan because he wants to be the famous one again he really cares for her and whatever.
Sam Ronson isn't just the sourfaced, hat-wearing lesbian who's subjected to the sight of Lindsay Lohan's pubes more than anyone else, you know. No, Sam Ronson is also the sister of producer Mark Ronson. They both share quite a dominant 'terrible haircut' gene. And they're both DJs too, which leads us to believe that their family is so rich that neither of them to ever have to worry about getting a proper job. But, anyway, Mark Ronson is apparently trying to end Sam Ronson's relationship with Lindsay Lohan because he wants to be the famous one again he really cares for her and whatever.
Lindsay Lohan Didn’t Split Up With Sam Ronson, In Case You Care
OK, we were wrong. Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson haven't split up - they're just so miserable that they look like they should split up. Outraged by all the Sam Ronson split talk, Lindsay Lohan has told the world via her MySpace blog that she and Sam absolutely haven't split up - which we think is code for 'let's give it a fortnight, eh?' Still, though, they're still together and that's good. Now if you feel something clawing wildly at your skin at night you'll know it's either a murderer or a feral raccoon, and not Lindsay Lohan trying to get her rocks off. Phew.
OK, we were wrong. Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson haven't split up - they're just so miserable that they look like they should split up. Outraged by all the Sam Ronson split talk, Lindsay Lohan has told the world via her MySpace blog that she and Sam absolutely haven't split up - which we think is code for 'let's give it a fortnight, eh?' Still, though, they're still together and that's good. Now if you feel something clawing wildly at your skin at night you'll know it's either a murderer or a feral raccoon, and not Lindsay Lohan trying to get her rocks off. Phew.
Lindsay Lohan & Sam Ronson Split! Probably! Unless They Don’t!
Probably our favourite thing about Lindsay Lohan is that even her soulmates find her utterly intolerable and borderline repellent. Just ask Sam Ronson. Reports are emerging suggesting that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have split up after a series of arguments and frenzied punch-attacks on New Year's Day. Whether Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson really have split up remains to be seen, but we hope so. That'd mean that Lindsay Lohan has now exhausted her supply of both men and women, and we'd be keen to see who she tries to have sex with next. Our guess? A bookish owl.
Probably our favourite thing about Lindsay Lohan is that even her soulmates find her utterly intolerable and borderline repellent. Just ask Sam Ronson. Reports are emerging suggesting that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have split up after a series of arguments and frenzied punch-attacks on New Year's Day. Whether Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson really have split up remains to be seen, but we hope so. That'd mean that Lindsay Lohan has now exhausted her supply of both men and women, and we'd be keen to see who she tries to have sex with next. Our guess? A bookish owl.
Lindsay Lohan Boogies On Down With Big Brother Nobodies
If you’ve ever travelled to America, you’ll notice a substantial amount of differences between itself and the UK. For example, America has countless fast food joints on every corner whilst in the UK we have endless tea rooms where hungry folk can feast upon scones, chocolate eclairs and the finest English cup of imported Indian tea. There’s also the weather, healthcare issues and America’s persistence of being the only nation in the world to really care about basketball, baseball and ice hockey. There’s also the grand scale of parties the two nations throw. On the west coast of America, countless film premieres are thrown to celebrate the launch of box office hits. On the east coast, playerz like Jay-Z and P Diddy launch countless products including aftershave, clothing and toilet neutraliser. In the UK, the best we can muster is a rented room in the local church. Part time lesbian Lindsay Lohan got to experience this first hand when she arrived at Faces nightclub in Essex.
If you’ve ever travelled to America, you’ll notice a substantial amount of differences between itself and the UK. For example, America has countless fast food joints on every corner whilst in the UK we have endless tea rooms where hungry folk can feast upon scones, chocolate eclairs and the finest English cup of imported Indian tea. There’s also the weather, healthcare issues and America’s persistence of being the only nation in the world to really care about basketball, baseball and ice hockey. There’s also the grand scale of parties the two nations throw. On the west coast of America, countless film premieres are thrown to celebrate the launch of box office hits. On the east coast, playerz like Jay-Z and P Diddy launch countless products including aftershave, clothing and toilet neutraliser. In the UK, the best we can muster is a rented room in the local church. Part time lesbian Lindsay Lohan got to experience this first hand when she arrived at Faces nightclub in Essex.
Lindsay Lohan’s Dad: Sorry I Called Your Girlfriend Dark & Hideous
So Lindsay Lohan's career is deeper in the pooper than ever, but it doesn't matter - after all, family is what's most important. And that's why Lindsay Lohan's father Michael has chosen now to do the most charming, heartwarming thing he's probably ever done - he's finally decided to take back his comments about Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend Sam Ronson being "dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity." What an incredible show of compassion! From now on, Michael Lohan will no longer use the words 'dark', 'hideous', or 'disgusting' in association with Sam Ronson for fear of offending Lindsay Lohan. Fortunately, that does still leave him with the adjectives 'abominable', 'appalling', 'detestable', 'loathsome', 'repugnant', 'revolting', 'sickening' and 'unsightly', so look out for any or all of those bad boys in the next few weeks.
So Lindsay Lohan's career is deeper in the pooper than ever, but it doesn't matter - after all, family is what's most important. And that's why Lindsay Lohan's father Michael has chosen now to do the most charming, heartwarming thing he's probably ever done - he's finally decided to take back his comments about Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend Sam Ronson being "dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity." What an incredible show of compassion! From now on, Michael Lohan will no longer use the words 'dark', 'hideous', or 'disgusting' in association with Sam Ronson for fear of offending Lindsay Lohan. Fortunately, that does still leave him with the adjectives 'abominable', 'appalling', 'detestable', 'loathsome', 'repugnant', 'revolting', 'sickening' and 'unsightly', so look out for any or all of those bad boys in the next few weeks.
Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Won’t Take Her up the Aisle
She may have officially become one of the world's dullest people, not bothering to get into even the most minor of mishaps, but we're still sticking with the girl. Because we like Lindsay Lohan - how could we not? She's given us so much entertainment, so many words to write and so much vitriolic rage to spew. It's hard to be really very mad at an old friend. But it wouldn't seem that hard for Lindsay's 'born-again Christian ex-convict of an absentee father' (copyright Stuart Heritage 2008), Michael Lohan, to give up on his own flesh and blood for mere 'religious' reasons. Big Mike has decided he can't walk his daughter down the aisle should her rumoured gay wedding come to fruition, as it would go against his born-again Christianity belief system. You've got to love religion. Especially when it's one that you've been turned on to about four minutes ago. Whereas your daughter has been around for most of her life. Can't argue with the man's priorities, we suppose.
She may have officially become one of the world's dullest people, not bothering to get into even the most minor of mishaps, but we're still sticking with the girl. Because we like Lindsay Lohan - how could we not? She's given us so much entertainment, so many words to write and so much vitriolic rage to spew. It's hard to be really very mad at an old friend. But it wouldn't seem that hard for Lindsay's 'born-again Christian ex-convict of an absentee father' (copyright Stuart Heritage 2008), Michael Lohan, to give up on his own flesh and blood for mere 'religious' reasons. Big Mike has decided he can't walk his daughter down the aisle should her rumoured gay wedding come to fruition, as it would go against his born-again Christianity belief system. You've got to love religion. Especially when it's one that you've been turned on to about four minutes ago. Whereas your daughter has been around for most of her life. Can't argue with the man's priorities, we suppose.
Lindsay Lohan Kills Off Any Chance of Her Being Interesting Again With Gay Wedding
Well she's finally gone and done it - at one time she was one of hecklerspray's mainstays, attracting thousands through our doors with the mere mention of her name. Now she never does anything exciting - never gets her bits out after a night on the lash (or even intentionally), never gets into public spats with other drunken little girls - she doesn't even get hit by motorbikes any more. Yes folks, Lindsay Lohan has become a great big pile of dull for us to cover here at hecklerspray towers. We mean, sure, her sister is attempting to whip up some controversy, thus making us all smile, but it just doesn't have the same effect. Lindsay just had something about her that made you laugh even harder when she did something completely moronic. And now, if reports are to be believed, it seems that Lindsay Lohan is going to get married to her partner Sam Ronson. Oh, for those in the dark, that's 'Sam' as in 'Samantha'. Lindsay decided she preferred girls, then went dull. It's always the way with old friends, isn't it?
Well she's finally gone and done it - at one time she was one of hecklerspray's mainstays, attracting thousands through our doors with the mere mention of her name. Now she never does anything exciting - never gets her bits out after a night on the lash (or even intentionally), never gets into public spats with other drunken little girls - she doesn't even get hit by motorbikes any more. Yes folks, Lindsay Lohan has become a great big pile of dull for us to cover here at hecklerspray towers. We mean, sure, her sister is attempting to whip up some controversy, thus making us all smile, but it just doesn't have the same effect. Lindsay just had something about her that made you laugh even harder when she did something completely moronic. And now, if reports are to be believed, it seems that Lindsay Lohan is going to get married to her partner Sam Ronson. Oh, for those in the dark, that's 'Sam' as in 'Samantha'. Lindsay decided she preferred girls, then went dull. It's always the way with old friends, isn't it?
