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sam ronson

Mark Ronson Don’t Like Lindsay Lohan Schtupping His Sister

by Stuart Heritage

Sam Ronson isn’t just the sourfaced, hat-wearing lesbian who’s subjected to the sight of Lindsay Lohan’s pubes more than anyone else, you know.

No, Sam Ronson is also the sister of producer Mark Ronson. They both share quite a dominant ‘terrible haircut’ gene. And they’re both DJs too, which leads us to believe that their family is so rich that neither of them to ever have to worry about getting a proper job.

But, anyway, Mark Ronson is apparently trying to end Sam Ronson’s relationship with Lindsay Lohan because he wants to be the famous one again he really cares for her and whatever.

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Lindsay Lohan Didn’t Split Up With Sam Ronson, In Case You Care

by Stuart Heritage

OK, we were wrong. Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson haven’t split up – they’re just so miserable that they look like they should split up.

Outraged by all the Sam Ronson split talk, Lindsay Lohan has told the world via her MySpace blog that she and Sam absolutely haven’t split up – which we think is code for ‘let’s give it a fortnight, eh?’

Still, though, they’re still together and that’s good. Now if you feel something clawing wildly at your skin at night you’ll know it’s either a murderer or a feral raccoon, and not Lindsay Lohan trying to get her rocks off. Phew.

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Lindsay Lohan & Sam Ronson Split! Probably! Unless They Don’t!

by Stuart Heritage

Probably our favourite thing about Lindsay Lohan is that even her soulmates find her utterly intolerable and borderline repellent.

Just ask Sam Ronson. Reports are emerging suggesting that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have split up after a series of arguments and frenzied punch-attacks on New Year’s Day.

Whether Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson really have split up remains to be seen, but we hope so. That’d mean that Lindsay Lohan has now exhausted her supply of both men and women, and we’d be keen to see who she tries to have sex with next. Our guess? A bookish owl.

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Lindsay Lohan Boogies On Down With Big Brother Nobodies

by Matthew Laidlow

If you’ve ever travelled to America, you’ll notice a substantial amount of differences between itself and the UK.

For example, America has countless fast food joints on every corner whilst in the UK we have endless tea rooms where hungry folk can feast upon scones, chocolate eclairs and the finest English cup of imported Indian tea. There’s also the weather, healthcare issues and America’s persistence of being the only nation in the world to really care about basketball, baseball and ice hockey.

There’s also the grand scale of parties the two nations throw. On the west coast of America, countless film premieres are thrown to celebrate the launch of box office hits. On the east coast, playerz like Jay-Z and P Diddy launch countless products including aftershave, clothing and toilet neutraliser. In the UK, the best we can muster is a rented room in the local church. Part time lesbian Lindsay Lohan got to experience this first hand when she arrived at Faces nightclub in Essex.

If you’ve ever travelled to America, you’ll notice a substantial amount of differences between itself and the UK. For example, America has countless fast food joints on every corner whilst in the UK we have endless tea rooms where hungry folk can feast upon scones, chocolate eclairs and the finest English cup of imported Indian tea. There’s also the weather, healthcare issues and America’s persistence of being the only nation in the world to really care about basketball, baseball and ice hockey. There’s also the grand scale of parties the two nations throw. On the west coast of America, countless film premieres are thrown to celebrate the launch of box office hits. On the east coast, playerz like Jay-Z and P Diddy launch countless products including aftershave, clothing and toilet neutraliser. In the UK, the best we can muster is a rented room in the local church. Part time lesbian Lindsay Lohan got to experience this first hand when she arrived at Faces nightclub in Essex.
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Lindsay Lohan’s Dad: Sorry I Called Your Girlfriend Dark & Hideous

by Stuart Heritage

So Lindsay Lohan’s career is deeper in the pooper than ever, but it doesn’t matter – after all, family is what’s most important.

And that’s why Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael has chosen now to do the most charming, heartwarming thing he’s probably ever done – he’s finally decided to take back his comments about Lindsay Lohan’s girlfriend Sam Ronson being “dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity.”

What an incredible show of compassion! From now on, Michael Lohan will no longer use the words ‘dark’, ‘hideous’, or ‘disgusting’ in association with Sam Ronson for fear of offending Lindsay Lohan. Fortunately, that does still leave him with the adjectives ‘abominable’, ‘appalling’, ‘detestable’, ‘loathsome’, ‘repugnant’, ‘revolting’, ‘sickening’ and ‘unsightly’, so look out for any or all of those bad boys in the next few weeks.

So Lindsay Lohan's career is deeper in the pooper than ever, but it doesn't matter - after all, family is what's most important. And that's why Lindsay Lohan's father Michael has chosen now to do the most charming, heartwarming thing he's probably ever done - he's finally decided to take back his comments about Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend Sam Ronson being "dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity." What an incredible show of compassion! From now on, Michael Lohan will no longer use the words 'dark', 'hideous', or 'disgusting' in association with Sam Ronson for fear of offending Lindsay Lohan. Fortunately, that does still leave him with the adjectives 'abominable', 'appalling', 'detestable', 'loathsome', 'repugnant', 'revolting', 'sickening' and 'unsightly', so look out for any or all of those bad boys in the next few weeks.
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Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Won’t Take Her up the Aisle

by Ian Dransfield

She may have officially become one of the world’s dullest people, not bothering to get into even the most minor of mishaps, but we’re still sticking with the girl. Because we like Lindsay Lohan – how could we not? She’s given us so much entertainment, so many words to write and so much vitriolic rage [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Kills Off Any Chance of Her Being Interesting Again With Gay Wedding

by Ian Dransfield

Well she’s finally gone and done it – at one time she was one of hecklerspray’s mainstays, attracting thousands through our doors with the mere mention of her name. Now she never does anything exciting – never gets her bits out after a night on the lash (or even intentionally), never gets into public spats [...]

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