sam ronson - HecklerSpray

1, 2, 3, 4 Let's Declare A Twitter War: Samantha Ronson v Joan Rivers

July 13th, 2010 By Matthew Laidlow

Poor Lindsay Lohan. She doesn't seem to have a friend in the world apart from that bottle of beer that constantly encourages her to take of its lid and slurp down its tasty goodness.

Of course, a pending spell in prison will seriously throw anyone’s career into doubt. Still, at least she didn't pick the incriminating threat route like Mel Gibson.

However, having a career is a necessity to prolonging your ability to stay in the limelight. Somehow, Lindsay Lohan has done this by having such mega hits as Mean Girls behind her. Surely becoming an overnight lesbian and modern day Laurel and Hardy with girlfriend Samantha Ronson wouldn't end in tears? Oh, wait it did. But that hasn’t stopped Samantha Ronson from defending poor Lindsay against all the haters, especially nasty Joan Rivers.

Twitter Was Made For Lindsay Lohan’s Incessant Ranting

November 3rd, 2009 By Amy Grindhouse

Lindsay Lohan is rather attached to her Twitter account. Attached in a way one should never become attached to a social network. Attached like a chocoholic to their very last Rolo, if you will.

The star can often be found on Twitter taking utter leave of her senses. That is to assume that she had any senses to begin with, but there are only so many hours in a day and we have to start somewhere.

She tells Twitter her intimate secrets. She shares her hopes and fears. She uses ellipses and exclamation marks in a manner that suggests she fears a shortage of both. She goes on 140-character rants in a manner that makes you glad she doesn’t have over 100,000 people reading her lunacy. Oh dear, hang on a minute.

Lindsay Lohan + Sam Ronson x Sex Toys = (Our) Vomit Everywhere

July 23rd, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

When the list is finally produced covering the ‘Things We Absolutely Do Not Want To Ever Know About, Ever’, this will be right up there at the top.

Nobody needs to know that Sam Ronson has apparently bought Lindsay Lohan a big pile of sex toys for her birthday.

We didn’t need to know, we didn’t want to know and we feel a bit sick now. Which is why we had to tell you lot, so you can feel as ill as we do.

Yep – sick as a dog.

Lindsay Lohan is a Huge Stalking Stalker. Possibly.

June 3rd, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

In a news nugget sure to change the very way we think about humanity itself, Lindsay Lohan has arrived in London to do some stuff.

Hold us back, this could be epoch-making.

Speculation has been mounting that the star of Herbie and, umm… hecklerspray has timed her arrival to coincide with that of former/current were-they-weren’t-they lover/pal/fanny chum Sam Ronson, who is in town to get paid to play a couple of records.

It’s called “DJing”, apparently. Ah well, at least it involves more talent than standing still and managing not to die while being photographed. For money. Which exactly what Lindsay is doing.

Are Lindsay Lohan & Sam Ronson Back Together? Kill Us Now

April 28th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

We have good news and bad news. The good news? Lindsay Lohan won’t be concentrating on her career like she promised.

The bad news? It’s because Lindsay Lohan might very well be back together with Sam Ronson. Nothing’s confirmed yet, but a series of meetings and a suspicious Facebook update certainly seem to point in that direction. So the question is this – are Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson back together?

To which the only appropriate response is to murmur “Oh God, I don’t CARE!” before repeatedly slamming your head on a desk. We trust that’s what you’re all doing now.

Lindsay Lohan: Still Refusing To Shut Up About Anything

April 23rd, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

say LohanWe’re thrilled that Ellen DeGeneres gave Lindsay Lohan a platform to air her views on her break-up yesterday.

Because where else has Lindsay Lohan had the opportunity to discuss her life since the Sam Ronson split? You know, apart from her Twitter account. And her MySpace blog. And that magazine she’s on the front cover of. And all the other magazines she’s not on the front cover of. And that Funny Or Die video. And TMZ approximately every six or seven seconds. Nowhere, that’s where.

So what did Lindsay Lohan have to say to Ellen yesterday? Oh, like anybody cares.

Lindsay Lohan: “Blah Blah Blah Sam Ronson Boo Hoo Hoo”

April 8th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Admit it, you were sad when Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson split up. We were, but only because we knew the consequences.

And what consequences they are. Now that she’s split with Sam Ronson, it means that we’ll have to put up with Lindsay Lohan bleating on relentlessly about how sad she is until the end of time. That’s not an exaggeration – we’ll all have to listen to Lindsay Lohan’s self-pity until the literal end of actual time.

Because Lindsay Lohan hasn’t just split up with Sam Ronson – a woman from The Sopranos was also slightly rude to her. Sad.

Hey Gender Nonspecific Weirdos, Lindsay Lohan’s Single!

April 7th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You’ve done a lot of stupid things in the past, Lindsay Lohan – *coughHerbiecough* – but this takes the cake.

Lindsay Lohan has split with Sam Ronson. And it’s meant that Sam Ronson had to change the locks to her apartment, and that Lindsay Lohan has spent most of her time thumping out all kinds of illegible fury on her Twitter page. But why so stupid?

Because it’s Easter, and Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are supposed to mark all major holidays with a public brawl. We were looking forward to that brawl, Lindsay Lohan. You won’t be forgiven in a hurry.

Lindsay Lohan & Sam Ronson Have A Fight: Oh, Look Surprised

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Speculation over Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson’s relationship has been running wild over recent months.

But let’s give credit where it’s due. It doesn’t matter how bad things seem to be between them, Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are at least limiting their embarrassing public spats to major calendar events. Following their New Year’s Eve blow-up, Lindsay and Sam have decided to have a Valentine’s Day fight as well.

Fans of hearing the same old nonsense should read on – everyone else should wait for Pancake Day, when Lindsay Lohan plans to set fire to Sam Ronson’s feet.

Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Wants YOU To Ruin His Daughter’s Happiness

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Lindsay Lohan and her dad Michael have a complex relationship – you never know who the biggest twonk is.

Obviously your first instinct is Lindsay Lohan. She’s not just a twonk these days – she’s a professional twonk, with her every move painstakingly calibrated for maximum twonkiness. But look closer and you’ll see that Michael Lohan comprehensively out-twonks his daughter.

Why? Because Michael Lohan has written a blog post urging the public to help him split Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson up, that’s why. Oh, but he does consistently refer to Sam Ronson as SaMANtha, so at least wit’s on his side, eh?