Sam Lutfi - HecklerSpray

Britney Spears Still Phoning Old Pals Despite Ban

March 24th, 2009 By hecklerspray staff

A guest blog by the wonderful Amy Grindhouse…

Britney Spears is in trouble with her daddy again. Which one would think is unimaginably hard to do since at this moment in time all Britney is free to do of her own accord is poop and jiggle her rump on stage.

Dungeon Master Spears is having to waste away more precious moments of his life that he?ll never get back on reprimanding his daughter.

This time Britney has broken one of the many restrictions placed on her by reaching out to two people with whom she is not supposed to have any contact; Sam Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib.

Britney Spears Sued By Her Rubbish-Bearded Former Manager

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

There’s no bond stronger than that between a deranged singer and the man who mashes drugs into her food.

And that’s why Britney Spears and Sam Lutfi were so special together. Sam was always there for Britney with whatever she needed – pink wigs, empty knicker draws, some anti-psychotic drugs mashed into a pork chop – but things have gone sour.

Sam Lutfi has sued Britney Spears for defamation – a warning that people can’t just slander him without consequence. However, we’ve checked it out and we think we can still call Sam Lutfi a ‘crappy-bearded bellend’ without any trouble. So that’s good.

Sam Lutfi Still To Keep The Hell Away From Britney Spears

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Although Britney Spears is still recovering from her traumatic meltdown, she’d probably like nothing more than a visit from her old pal Sam Lutfi.

It’s not going to happen any time soon, though, because the restraining order that Britney Spears’ family took out against Sam Lutfi has been extended yet again – he’s not allowed within 250 yards of Britney Spears until at least August.

Obviously the courts have decided that the restraining order extension is in the best interests of Britney Spears’ well-being, but it sure is a kick in teeth for those of us who wanted to see Britney Spears and Sam Lutfi star in a hilarious Odd Couple-style television sitcom any time soon. Curses.

Britney Spears Stays Lutfi-Free For 30 More Wonderful Days

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Sam Lutfi has always been there for Britney Spears, although obviously by 'there' we mean 'willing to secretly mash anti-psychotic drugs into her food'.

But the tide has turned now, and Sam Lutfi is no longer needed in Britney Spears' orbit. And obviously by 'no longer needed' we mean 'legally required to stay at least 250 metres out of it for the next month'.

Yes, Britney Spears' friend and former sort-of manager Sam Lutfi has agreed to a new 30-day restraining order in order to hold off a permanent one. It'll be hard for Lutfi to cope without seeing Britney Spears for another month, but that's mainly because it's only the dangerously mentally ill who can hold conversations with him without being distracted by his horrible half-beard that looks like a big hairy dribble.

Sam Lutfi’s Britney Spears Restraining Order To Last Foreverish

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Poor Sam Lutfi – he's spent his entire life trying to help Britney Spears by cack-handedly assisting her slide into troubling mental illness, and this is how he's thanked?

The restraining order that Britney Spears' mother took out on Britney's former manager Sam Lutfi has been extended until at least the middle of next month, meaning that Lutfi is still not allowed within 250 yards of Britney Spears at any point in time.

The restraining order sounds like the most helpful thing to do in Britney's current situation, but they'll be sorry. When Britney Spears freaks her trip because her food doesn't taste quite as much like anti-psychotic medication as it used to, who's she going to run to? That's right – Sam Lutfi.

Britney Spears’ Dad To Sack Everyone, Twice

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Now that he's got the keys to the Britney Spears treasure chest, Jamie Spears can do whatever the hell he likes.

And, now he's also been granted the power to hire and fire as he pleases, it looks like Britney's business manager Howard Grossman is going to be the first neck on the chopping block.

We're not sure what Jamie Spears' other plans for Britney Spears are yet, but we've heard rumours that he'll soon be taking her place as a recording artist soon, too. In fact, an album of bubblegum pop entitled Hit Me One More Time (No Really, I Know I'm A Middle-Aged Man Dressed A Schoolgirl And I Know That Must Freak You Out, But What Say You Hit Me Anyway) is purportedly being mixed as we speak.

Sam Lutfi ‘Mashed Drugs Into Britney Spears’ Food’

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

So Britney Spears is locked away in a psychiatric hospital and Britney's Dad is officially her conservator – that's everything all cleaned up, right?

Oh goodness, no. Haven't you people learnt that this Britney Spears malarkey is going to go on forever yet? Forever. Mark these weary words.

Anyway, the new piece of Britney Spears nonsense is that Britney's mother Lynne Spears claims that Britney's manager Sam Lutfi used to grind up drugs and mash them into Britney Spears' food. Plus he hid her dog once, the big bloody bastard.

Britney Spears’ Manager Might Have History Of Weirdness

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As if you needed reminding, Britney Spears had a full-on kerb-sitting dog-clutching sobbing meltdown on Monday night after a fight with her manager Sam Lutfi.

Nothing particularly unusual about that – Britney Spears seems to be contractually obliged to have a weird public meltdown every couple of weeks these days – but is Sam Lutfi really the steady hand that he's claimed to be?

Apparently not – it turns out that Sam Lutfi might be a weirdo with a bunch of restraining orders against him and a history of urging people to kill themselves. Which is, you know, inevitable.