It is a truth passed down from generation to generation amongst Hollywood’s glittering elite. There’s no reason to make something if you can remake something. Hollywood film executives are willing to remake or reboot any film or franchise in the pursuit of artistic fulfilment*.
From tat like The Day The Earth Stood Still to horror classics like Dracula, it’s nigh-on impossible to escape the pervasive influence of the Hollywood remake in modern cinema. Hollywood is even willing to remake remakes and reboot reboots. One need only look at the treatment of The Incredible Hulk & Spiderman to see that Hollywood’s pursuit of film-making perfection** is a rolling juggernaut of epic proportions.
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Salt – it’s the stuff of legends. It’s that thing you put on chips. That substance your doctor tells you not to have too much of. You can even occasionally find it in quaint blue sachet, nestled between your crisps. Angelina Jolie has a lot to live up to.
Jumping into her latest action-heroine role, Jolie proves that she still remains queen in that regard. A sultry look, a tight-fitting outfit and a slap round the chops have all become second nature to ol’ Angie. However, what also remains a frustrating constant is her choice of projects.
She’s yet to find real ground in the action genre. Each role she picks just falling short of excelling, neither becoming iconic or even particularly memorable. Salt is no different. The Salt of the title is Vivian, a CIA agent who is ousted as a Russian spy, setting the film on a cat-and-mouse chase that’s nothing if not intriguing. Read More >>>
It’s easy for Angelina Jolie to make news. Steal someone’s husband, give a foreign kid a stupid name.
That sort of thing. But last night, at the London premiere of Salt, Angelina Jolie managed to make headlines simply by putting on some clothes and turning up. To be fair that’s not all she did – Angelina Jolie also managed to go an entire evening without letting on that Salt looks like a massive sack of donkey bollocks. So that’s something.
Notice that Brad Pitt didn’t accompany Angelina Jolie last night. This might be because he was making a film, or because he didn’t want to steal the limelight. But we’re a gossip blog, so we feel duty-bound to start a made-up rumour that their relationship is in trouble and, we dunno, he’s left her for Jennifer Aniston. Or something. We’re not very good at this. Read More >>>
She’s a little bit ‘quirky’ that Angeline Jolie isn’t she? A bit ‘eccentric’? ‘Off-the-wall’?
Actually, no. She is ABSOLUTELY BLOODY CRACKERS.
During filming of the latest film-you-won’t-watch Salt, Jolie went home still wearing the latex man-suit her character has to don as a disguise to play a prank on her seven-year-old child! The NUTTER!
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Hey, you know that new film Salt, where Angelina Jolie runs around shooting people and it all looks a bit crap and nobody can really the see the point of watching it?
You do? Great. Then this game based on Salt needs little explanation. You’re Angelina Jolie and you have to run around inside an office shooting people. It’s as simple as that. PLUS, just to give you an impression of the pointlessness and crapitude of the film, the game happens to be in German, so you won’t have an actual clue about anything that’s going on. Brilliant!
Play Salt now
This week, the weekend box office was all about Inception vs Salt. The reigning champion vs the plucky underdog.
Leonardo DiCaprio vs Angelina Jolie. A film about the impossibly labyrinthine tangle that is the human subconscious vs a film about, dunno, some salt or something. A film filled with groundbreaking special effects and breathtaking narrative devices vs the same stupid generic guns-out film that Angelina Jolie always makes right after she’s made a sad film about a woman crying over her lost baby or whatever. Who would win?
Well, Inception, obviously. Don’t you people read headlines any more? Honestly, sometimes we think we’re just pissing up a wall here, we really do. Full US weekend box office top five after the jump…
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Digestives and Rich Teas.
Folded:
- Modern Warfare 2: Price War (the supermarket battle royale)
- Salt (reads kinda cack; looks kinda Bourne)
- Planes, Trains and Automobiles (revisit this classic, particularly the sweary rental car bit, and understand why Steve Martin is going to make a hilarious host at next year’s Oscar’s)
- Dark nights (cosy…or cold, lonely and miserable. We’re going with cosy)
- The Greggs (time to reconsider that application form maybe?)
Creased:
- Queuing at midnight to buy Modern Warfare 2 (never has Shaun of the Dead been so vividly recreated in reality. Best to head home, we-thinks)
- “Too much of anything can you make you sick” (thank you, Cheryl, you finally get it)
- Spiced apple everything (candles, biscuits, shower gel, beer – you can tell it’s six weeks to Christmas)
- Dark mornings (when you need a light to find the bedroom door you know you should still be in bed)
- Ragging on Gordon Brown (okay so the guy made a mistake – several – but The Sun and co are being harsher than a bristle brush swab)
Sit down for this one, it’s huge – Angelina Jolie’s haircut looks marginally different to how it usually looks.
Sorry if that just blew your mind. But we can’t keep news this gigantic away from you – Angelina Jolie has changed her haircut. True, Angelina only changed it for a film – and she’s only put a couple of wigs on rather than properly changing her actual hair – but still, eh? Blimey.
It’s hard to see how Jennifer Aniston will top this – maybe in her next film she’ll wear some glasses or a nice hat or something. Goodness, this rivalry is brutal.
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