Remember supermodel Linda Evangelista who wouldn’t get out of bed for less than $10,000? Well she’s having a really rough time at the moment because she’s got a child… and we all know what a drain on the bank account they are, don’t we?
See, Linda had a baby and she didn’t manage to make her relationship work with the billionaire baby daddy.
What with François-Henri Pinault being a billionaire, he’s quite good with money, but he’s not been paying a dime to poor, impoverished Linda Evangelista who is in such a bad way that she’s actually started taking notice of the sales they have in the Asda George racks. What an outrageous deadbeat this Pinault bloke is!
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These days, there are two ways to get at Salma Hayek’s boobies – one is by being a malnourished African baby.
And the other is by being a billionaire. Chances are you’re neither, so you’ll have to make do without. But French billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault won’t, because he apparently got married to Salma Hayek on Valentine’s Day in Paris.
Why did Salma Hayek marry Francois-Henri Pinault? Was it to see if even Salma Hayek’s husband will get bored of looking at the same pair of breasts day after day, or was it because HE’S A BLOODY BILLIONAIRE? Oh, let’s just say both.
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Africans get all the luck – near-constant sunshine, Bono’s full attention and now Salma Hayek’s boobs, too.
Seriously, we’re burning up with envy. Salma Hayek – the adequate yet massively-norked actress, has breastfed an African baby in Sierra Leone while on a charity mission.
It’s neither offensive or an exaggeration to say that, because of this news, we’re honestly planning to black up, stop eating for a month, develop an intestinal parasite, sellotape some flies to our eyes, fly to Africa and sit around in rags crying on the off-chance that Salma Hayek would return and shove a tit into our mouth.
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Africans get all the luck - near-constant sunshine, Bono's full attention and now Salma Hayek's boobs, too.
Seriously, we're burning up with envy. Salma Hayek - the adequate yet massively-norked actress, has breastfed an African baby in Sierra Leone while on a charity mission.
It's neither offensive or an exaggeration to say that, because of this news, we're honestly planning to black up, stop eating for a month, develop an intestinal parasite, sellotape some flies to our eyes, fly to Africa and sit around in rags crying one the off-chance that Salma Hayek would return and shove a tit into our mouth.
There really is something about a girl with a pasty complexion, long fangs and an unhealthy desire to suck your blood dry.
OK, so put like that, it sounds a bit odd. But there’s little doubt that vampires can be very sexy.
Admittedly, Dracula never did anything for us. But whether it’s Kate Beckinsale in a tight leather bodysuit or Salma Hayek dancing with a snake, these damsels of the dark are worth getting into a flap about…
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