Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Someone might need to phone a doctor for Julianne Hough, because it appears that she had some kind of brain aneurysm that convinced her blackface was a good idea.?
Good friends will agree to doing an ‘Orange Is The New Black’ themed group costume. Best friends will tap you on the shoulder before you leave the house and hand you a wet wipe, vowing to never tell anyone what you were about to do. I hate to break it to you Julianne, but it looks like you have some shitty besties.
One of America's cutsiest couples,?Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough,?has ended their relationship. While this news isn’t as?tragic as it might have been if anyone had ever believed that they were an actual couple to begin with, the timing couldn’t be worse.
The entertainment world is in a gloomy place right now: both Lil’ Wayne and Morrissey?are feeling poorly, something bad?is going on with Miley and Liam, and Curtis Finch Jr. was booted from American Idol. The last thing we need right now is more heartache.
Denise Richards is a bit of a card, isn’t she? She’s been beaten, humiliated, stunned, stalked and shattered by the ongoing revelations about ex-husband Charlie “He’s Actually An Estevez” Sheen but admits that,?despite their nasty break-up and custody battle – she’d marry the tiresome bell-end all over again.
It is thought that Richards has become so terrified of slipping into obscurity that she has actually considered taking on a completely fictional split-personality; just like her ex-husband.
When asked what this second identity might be, a source close to the star merely shrugged his shoulders and asked who she was. He had never heard of her. All the more reason to do get working on Denise Richards 2: Attack of Denise Richards.
Thank Heavens an incongruous group of self-publicising celebrities are finally allowed back on Twitter and Facebook, to shill products in messages that are really ads – thank you, Khloe Kardashian.
The stars in question are some of Twitter and Facebook’s most prolific, including Kardashian sisters Kim and Khloe, Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake, Ryan Seacrest, and the charity’s figurehead Alicia Keys. These stars were to stay ‘Digitally Dead’ from December 1, World Aids Day, until their fundraising goal of $1 million was reached. Although, there were reports of some rotters cheating.
However, things didn’t go according to plan and everything went silent for the better part of a week. Because, as it turns out, people rather prefer silent celebrities to donating.
Heidi Montag got a number of cosmetic procedures, for the purpose of selling magazine covers and also for ratings on her (recently cancelled) TV show.
To be honest, it was a big waste of time. The reality star got most of the procedures just for the sake of keeping herself amused. You know, like when you’re at the shops and you can’t remember what you wanted so you fill your basket with jelly babies and nothing else just so that you don’t go home empty-handed.
During a radio interview with Ryan Seacrest on Monday, Heidi revealed more details about those ten surgeries in one day. You remember, it was the day the sky became black and the ground rumbled as Heidi made that particular deal with the devil. Well, that was also the day Heidi got assorted pointless procedures including nose, cheekbone and chin jobs, an eyebrow lift, a breast enlargement, and fat injections. None of which made her look that much better. It has been about five months since the surgeries and her face still looks puffy. The only striking differences are her chin, which she had filed down, and her ridiculous boobs.
American Idol had it all last night – singing, haplessly choreographed squabbling between Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell.
And an elimination. And last night Didi Benami‘s journey came to an end. Actually, no, that sounds a bit dramatic. Didi Benami’s journey hasn’t come to an end at all – she’s just been eliminated from American Idol. She’s still got to look forward to the parts of her journey where nobody recognises her and they visibly glaze over when she launches into another one of her dreary American Idol anecdotes and she spends the rest of her life depressed and alone and singing to her obviously disinterested cats.
In other American Idol news, Tim Urban hasn’t been eliminated yet. From this we can draw the conclusion that all Americans are genuine idiots.
Yesterday we said that Paula Abdul was probably going to leave American Idol. And she really was, too.
She was going to leave. It wasn’t just a dimwitted bluff to make American Idol pay her more money. Paula Abdul was definitely leaving American Idol. Unless the show decided to pay her a lot more money, in which case she’d consider staying. But it’s not about money. Its about being treated with a basic level of human decency. And money. It’s mostly about money.
Anyway, Simon Cowell has revealed that he wants Paula Abdul to stay. That was probably our point.
As far as American Idol goes, Simon is the brain, Randy is the mouth and Kara is like the appendix or something.
And then there’s Paula Abdul. Paula Abdul is American Idol‘s beating heart. Admittedly it’s a slightly terrifying heart that seems to be drunk a lot of the time and often shrieks to itself for no particular reason, but it’s still a heart. What would American Idol be like without Paula Abdul? It’d be professional and consistent. And rubbish.
But we’ll see that next year, because Paula Abdul is about to quit American Idol in a pay dispute.
What’s the first word that comes to mind when you think of Lindsay Lohan? We’ll tell you. Inspirational.
No, really. Inspirational is the first word that comes to mind when you think of Lindsay Lohan. It is. It is. It is. Shut up. It is.
Alright, inspirational is almost the last word that comes to mind when you think of Lindsay Lohan, sandwiched between ‘well-adjusted’ and ‘clothed’. But Ryan Seacrest clearly thinks that Lindsay Lohan is inspirational, because he’s just hired her to be the judge of his new reality TV show, provisionally titled America’s Next Top Harrowing Trainwreck Hasbeen.
We have some breaking news. Apparently America likes speccy idiots who scream like bellends and are rubbish.
It must do. Because on last night’s American Idol Danny Gokey – the man with a face like a remedial-level bespectacled foot who had performed Aerosmith‘s Dream On in the style of a traumatised burns victim – wasn’t eliminated. Instead, Allison Iraheta was told to pack her bags and instantly leave the public consciousness.
Allison Iraheta did OK on American Idol, and she’s young – she’s got the rest of her life to consistently fail to reach the same heights before dying embittered and resigned.
