Farrah Fawcett’s death wasn’t just overshadowed by Michael Jackson’s death – it was comprehensively out-weirded.

And that’s almost impossible. Because even though Michael Jackson left behind a bunch of kids that weren’t really his, an ex-wife who doesn’t really want access to her own children and an abusive father who was deliberately cut out of his will, Farrah Fawcett left behind her boyfriend Ryan O’Neal. And that’s much better. Much much much better.

Because Ryan O’Neal has admitted, in print, in a widely-read magazine, that he spent some of Farrah Fawcett’s funeral attempting to hook up with his own daughter. Genius.

Of all the casualties claimed in the great celebrity cull of summer 2009, Farrah Fawcett was probably the saddest. She didn’t die of old age like Ed McMahon. She didn’t die of a ridiculous dose of a medical-grade anaesthetic to which she was hopelessly addicted like Michael Jackson. She died of a disease that she’d been bravely trying to keep at bay for three long years, and the fact that her death was brushed aside because someone more famous died a few hours later is nothing short of tragic.

But regardless of all that, so long as Farrah Fawcett was given a dignified funeral attended by people who loved her, none of that would matter. And, really, it’s not difficult to bring dignity to a funeral. All you need to do is keep quiet, look sad and, for the love of god, don’t fail to recognise your estranged daughter to the extent that you start chatting her up when she tries to reintroduce herself into your life. Not if she once won an Oscar for a film she starred in with you. Not at your own girlfriend’s funeral.

But there’s a chance that Ryan O’Neal didn’t get the memo for that last rule, given that that’s exactly what he did to his daughter Tatum O’Neal during Farrah Fawcett’s funeral. How do we know this? Because he’s quite openly admitted it to Vanity Fair, that’s why:

“I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me… I said to her, ‘You have a drink on you? You have a car?’ She said, ‘Daddy, it’s me–Tatum!’ I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter. It’s so sick.” “That’s our relationship in a nutshell,” Tatum said. “He was always a ladies’ man.”

It’s a creepy story, yes, but remember that it took place during a funeral, so emotions were obviously running high at the time, and that may have clouded Ryan O’Neal’s judgement slightly. And it’s also sort of sweet – maybe Ryan O’Neal was just demonstrating a residual fondness for his estranged daughter in a way that momentarily made sense to his grief-stricken mind.

Oh what the hell, we’ll go with that. Yes, this is definitely the sweetest story we’ve ever heard about a man who once fired a gun at his own son trying to have sex with his crack addict daughter at the funeral of his girlfriend who’d just died of bum cancer.

Although if you know of any sweeter stories about that precise circumstance, we’d love to hear them.

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But that’s no longer the case. Ryan O’Neal and his son Redmond have both been charged with methamphetamine possession and other drug offences stemming from time police offices searched their house and allegedly found both of them, um, in possession of methamphetamine.

However, if they’re found guilty of these charges, both Ryan O’Neal and his son will probably escape a prison sentence. That’s because if they go to jail, they’ll be less likely to stumble round their house shooting guns at each other and tying each other to banisters and hitting each other in the head with fireplace pokers. And only a monster would put an end to that sort of first-class entertainment.

We’ve never hidden our desire to be adopted by the O’Neal family. Those O’Neal kids got lucky breaks we never did, and we want in. We want to be roped into an orgy with Melanie Griffith and a hairdresser like Tatum O’Neal says she was. We want to be able to tie our brother to a banister and accidentally hit women in the head with a fireplace poker until our father fires a gun at us like Griffin O’Neal.

But most of all, we want to be like Redmond O’Neal. Redmond O’Neal has lived a charmed life – reaching professional successes like getting minor voiceover work in The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars and personal successes like being so close to his father that both of them were arrested for possession of methamphetamine at the same time last month. Oh, how we wish we could be an O’Neal.

But it looks like an adoption is out of the question, so we’re just going to have to live vicariously through them all instead. And now seems to be a pretty good time to do that, because Ryan and Redmond O’Neal have now been charged with felony methamphetamine possession, and they’ll go to court over it next month. Reuters reports:

Both men were charged with felony possession of methamphetamine, and the son was additionally charged with lesser counts of possessing drug paraphernalia and illegal possession of pepper spray. Felony drug possession carries a possible maximum sentence of three years in prison, but neither man is likely do any time behind bars if convicted.

It sounds like Ryan O’Neal will get off lightly if he’s convicted of these charges – since he’s a first-time offender he’ll most likely be sent on a drug rehabilitation program where he’ll either learn that a) taking drugs is bad or b) trying to hide some of your son’s drugs that you’ve never tried in your bedroom to stop him getting into any more trouble with the police is bad.

Having said that, though, maybe a drug conviction is just the thing to give Ryan O’Neal an edgy new audience. After all, look at Robert Downey Jr – after he went berserk on drugs he became one of the biggest stars in the world.

So who knows – this could lead Ryan O’Neal out of the creative cul-de-sac he’s found himself by accepting guest spots on hopeless shows like Miss Match. Play his cards right and he might even lock down that walk-on cameo on CSI: Miami he’s been desperate for. No, what are we saying, Ryan O’Neal needs to gradually work up to something as high profile as that. Babysteps, Ryan. Babysteps.

By that right, the O’Neal family don’t stand a chance. On Wednesday Ryan O’Neal and his son Redmond were both arrested for the possession of methamphetamine during a routine probation sweep of their house, and it’s taken Tatum O’Neal to bring some perspective to the matter.

Yes, Tatum O’Neal – the woman who’s kissed Michael Jackson with tongues, claims to have had an orgy with Melanie Griffith, lost custody of her kids because she was wasted on heroin all the time and was recently arrested for trying to buy crack in New York – has put the Ryan O’Neal drug arrest into perspective. In summary, that perspective is as follows: Yeesh.

On the basis that wisdom comes from experience, Tatum O’Neal must be one of the most insightful people on Earth. She won an Oscar when she was 11, had a drug-addict mother and an angry father who she apparently once caught with his bits stuck up Melanie Griffith. She claims to have been sexually abused as a child, had a volatile marriage to John McEnroe and was Michael Jackson’s first love. Tatum O’Neal isn’t just a woman – she’s the walking physical representation of The Jeremy Kyle Show.

So who’d be better placed to reflect upon this week’s drug arrest of Ryan O’Neal and his son than Ryan’s own daughter Tatum?

Now we know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that someone who wasn’t recently arrested for buying a big bag of crack would probably be better placed to discuss Ryan O’Neal’s arrest. But you’re wrong. It means that Tatum O’Neal doesn’t just share some genes with Ryan O’Neal, or a deep lingering bitterness about never managing to fulfill her professional potential, or questionable parenting skills, but also what might just be a fondness for illegal substances.

Honestly, Tatum O’Neal and Ryan O’Neal are so similar that talking to Tatum is just like talking to Ryan but without the constant feeling that you’re going to get a gun fired in your direction.

So, with that in mind, what’s Tatum O’Neal’s take on her dad and brother getting arrested on drug charges? People reports:

“I’m really worried about Redmond. I want them both to get better and get the help they need. [Addiction] runs in families. It’s a disease. I’m praying for both of them. I’m praying for my whole family. I hope Red will get treatment. That’s what he needs. There is hope for Redmond. He deserves to have the life a [young man] – going to school, hanging out with friends, getting a job. I wish the best for him.”

Actually, Tatum O’Neal is spot-on here. The last thing anyone needs is to see Redmond O’Neal destroy himself with drugs. Otherwise what are they going to do if Hollywood suddenly decides to make a sequel to The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars? Recast the role of Squirt, the eighth male lead? Please.

Anyway, we always try to look on the positive, and that’s no different now. Maybe Tatum O’Neal taking the time to speak out about Ryan and Redmond O’Neal will mend the fractured relationships between father, son and daughter and they can all start afresh.

It’ll be hard, but if they all work really hard and try to talk they can get there. And if they can’t, we hear methamphetamine is really good for increased talkativeness and stuff. Maybe they should give that a go.

Because, without question, a TV show about the family life of Ryan O’Neal would hands-down be the best piece of television ever made. Especially if it explained why Ryan O’Neal and his son Redmond were yesterday both arrested on the felony charge of methamphetamine possession.

Wow. So Oscar-nominated actor Ryan O’Neal (father of Tatum O’Neal, the actress who was recently arrested for buying crack) and his son Redmond (who last year tied his half-brother to a staircase like a dog and hit his girlfriend in the head with a fireplace poker until Ryan O’Neal actually had to fire a gun at him to make him stop) might be on drugs. Who knew?

You know what? We’d give anything to be an O’Neal. Seriously, anything. When we were kids, our Dad would just take us out for fishing trips or bike rides or something equally dull. But not Ryan O’Neal. Ryan O’Neal’s a real dad, and here’s why:

*Ryan O’Neal taught his kids that the only way to deal with the grief of losing a pet is to go and buy crack and then pretend you didn’t know it was crack when you’re arrested for it.

*Ryan O’Neal knows that sometimes the only way you can stop your son from waving a fireplace poker around so haphazardly that he injures his own girlfriend’s head because you overreacted to the sight of him tethering your other son to a bannister like a dog to stop him buying drugs is to fire a gun at him.

*Ryan O’Neal knows that the family that gets shitfaced on methamphetamine together stays together. Allegedly.

How much of that did you do with us, Dad? None of it. Thanks Dad. Thanks a lot.

Anyway, Ryan O’Neal and his son Redmond O’Neal have both been arrested on the felony charge of narcotics possession. The New York Daily News reports:

Deputies found what is believed to be methamphetamine on them during a probation sweep of their Malibu home. Father and son were later released on $10,000 bail each. “Authorities found Redmond in possession of narcotics and later discovered the father, Ryan O’Neal, was also in possession of narcotics,” spokesman Steve Whitmore told the Daily News

Of course, the lion’s share of the blame for the arrest has to go to Redmond O’Neal. If he hadn’t got arrested earlier this year for going on a pre-dawn joyride through the streets of Malibu with all sorts of heroin and crystal meth in his possession then the probation squad would have never come a-knocking, leaving Ryan and Redmond to get as allegedly munted on methamphetamine as they like in the privacy of their own home.

Still, it doesn’t matter whose fault the arrest was, or even if Ryan O’Neal and Redmond O’Neal are guilty or innocent. What matters is that the justice system doesn’t punish either of them for this. Seriously. Imagine if this arrest shocked the O’Neals into cleaning up their act and behaving like responsible members of the public for once. This website would go under in seconds. Seconds. We beg of you, don’t let that happen.