If you’re a football fan, please don’t worry. This isn’t a similar situation that England fans found themselves in when they discovered John Barnes was performing a rap with defunct band New Order. Chelsea fans might have sensed an awkward situation with their former Italian striker Gianfranco shunning sport completely and getting creative in the studio as opposed to the penalty area.
Also, before religious types get angry with us, Zola hasn’t decided that he’s a demigod and gone swanning around West London dressed in a flowing robe. Well… not that we know of.
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Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
Kirsan Nikolayevich Ilyumzhinov has been the President of the Republic of Kalmykia of the Russian Federation from 1993 until present day. He’s a multi-millionaire of his own making, a super-duper chess wiz, and possibly has more business savvy than all of Donald Trump‘s apprentices smooshed together into one. Also, once he was thought linked to a horrific, politically motivated stabbing murder (as insinuated by Wikipedia), but that’s neither here nor there.
The news of the day is this – he claimed in a TV interview that one night in 1997 a semi-transparent tube showed up on his balcony. It was the device aliens used to get him on their ship – and he claims to have proof of it!
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Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. Kirsan Nikolayevich Ilyumzhinov has been the President of the Republic of Kalmykia of the Russian Federation from 1993 until present day. He’s [...]
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
It’s called the Quacker. Right off the bat you know we’ll either be selling you Aflac, or trying desperately to convert you to Richard Nixon‘s pro-oatmeal religion.
We’ll not be doing either of those, actually. Instead – we’ll be talking about weird, repeating underwater sounds Cold War Russian submariners used to hear every time they’d pass certain spots. Some say it was the sounds of super technology secreted under water. Some say it’s the groanings of an unknown monster. Yet others believe it could have been aliens scooting around a deep sea base.
We think it was probably dolphin farts. But let’s take a look, shall we?
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Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. It’s called the Quacker. Right off the bat you know we’ll either be selling you Aflac, or trying desperately to convert you [...]
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
Back in the sixties the USSR did a pretty good job of shrouding their space program in secrecy. In fact – as we understand it they even made their cosmonauts mop their way up the flight ramp so the press would just think they were janitors. That’s very subversive.
Really though – they did keep it pretty well hidden. And when a bunch of orbiting, thick accented human beings died in at least 3 separate incidents the world at large didn’t even know about it.
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Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. Back in the sixties the USSR did a pretty good job of shrouding their space program in secrecy. In fact – as [...]
Is Russia a third world country? Perhaps – but lets review the indicators before we rush to judgment.
The first is that we’ve recently seen three television ads suggesting we send only 75¢ a day to what looks like a science-farm full of little bald Gorbachev clones. This doesn’t sound like much until you know an apparently overweight Sally Struthers was their spokesperson, and the children had flies crawling across their head-spots.
A second indicator to consider could be that their non-cloned population growth is so high they’ve begun to outsource for sperm donors.
Mel Gibson, apparently, was quick to oblige.
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It’s a wonder Angelina Jolie still has time for movies these days, what with her off saving the world, donating to charity and stealing all the kids from Africa.
But apparently she of the lips fame does have time – not only time, but she also has the inclination to take roles that were initially meant for one Tom Cruise. Not content with stealing all the babies from the birthplace of humanity, it would seem that Angelina Jolie also wants to steal roles from Scientologists.
At least, that’s what it looks like on current evidence.
The long-touted but never actually made Edwin A. Salt is reportedly the film that Jolie will be taking the lead role in, with the title receiving a change as we would all expect. Edwina A. Salt doesn’t sound that good, mind, so hopefully they’ll put more thought into it than we have.
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We’ve never spent a week getting drunk in the arms of a Russian waitress who’s a third of our age, but it sounds awful.
So no wonder Ronnie Wood has decided to check into rehab. After flying back to apologise for his exploits to his long-suffering wife, Ronnie has checked into a clinic to beat his drinking problem once and for all.
It sounds like a great idea, except that Ronnie Wood went to rehab to beat his drinking problem once and for all last month too, and that just made him run off to Ireland to get drunk with an unusually young Russian girl that he met in a sex club. So rehab is a brave move, because if the pattern holds he’ll be mainlining heroin with a three-year-old Serbian toddler by the end of the month.
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We’ve often found that things slip your mind when you’re repeatedly having it off with a 20-year-old Russian cocktail waitress.
Things like, ooh, let’s say, the fact that you’ve been married to a non-Russian who isn’t a cocktail waitress for longer than your new conquest has been alive. It’s perfectly natural, so it’s perfectly understandable that that’s exactly what Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood seems to have been doing lately.
But no more. According to reports, Ronnie Wood has decided to return to the UK and plead for forgiveness with his wife Jo. It’ll be an important moment for both of them, but if Jo can find it in her heart to forgive Ronnie Wood then at least he’ll know she’ll probably forgive him the next time he picks up a skanky-looking Russian girl in a prostitute club too. Like we said, important.
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