Ever since we all saw David Hasselhoff drunkenly eating a hamburger off the floor while berating his daughter, we’ve all thrilled at how damaged the former Baywatcher is. Not to mention that whole being under the impression he brought down the iron curtain in Germany thing.
The Hoff, for reasons only unclear to him, is one of our favourite celebrities to mockingly enjoy.
And, the good news is, is that he really hasn’t learned a thing. He’s as deluded as ever, growing his peas above sticks and saying, without a trace of irony, that he wants A-List superstar Russell Crowe for the Knight Rider Movie. That’d be the Knight Rider Movie which doesn’t ever, ever look like getting general release.
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Deathaganza 2010 has really obliterated our celebrity stocks. We’ve lost that bloke from that band, for example.
And that woman’s husband. And the bloke who used to be in that that thing and the old lady from that other thing. Where’s it going to end? We’ll tell you where – you’ll end up being the most famous person on the planet. And that’s a disgrace because, seriously, look at the state of you.
But maybe we’re not there just yet. Russell Crowe hasn’t died, for one. But that didn’t stop one New York radio station from yesterday getting carried away and telling everyone that he had. But Russell Crowe definitely isn’t dead. His chances of winning a Grammy, yes. His soul, possibly. But his physical body is still very much alive.
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Last week hecklerspray was invited to the Cannes Film Festival for a few days as guests of Stella Artois.
Here are 10 things we now know about this year’s festival that no other website will tell you (or even care about)…
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In true Robin Hood spirit, Ridley Scott has taken £237million from various rich people to make a very poor movie.
Robin Hood? More like Rotten Hood.
Rotten acting, rotten script, rotten idea, very rotten accents.
In fact, Robin Hood is so bad, I have to confess I did something in a cinema that I have not done for a very long time. No, not that! Or that! And that’s just sick! No, I am talking about falling asleep. Yep, while Russell Crowe was busy cutting chunks out of British history, I was happily snoring away and was only awoken by some French woman angrily jabbing me in the chest with one of her Gitanes. In fact, I missed about 45 minutes, which, for all I know, could have been the most gripping three-quarters of an hour of cinema ever made.
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The big showbiz news rendering important newspaper and magazine desks in London completely agog is that Louisa Lytton – who played someone-or-other in EastEnders – has just taken the world by storm by playing an exchange student in the latest American Pie movie.
Without wanting to urinate too heavily on Louisa’s chips, who gives one?
Soap stars have been silently ascending Hollywood’s greasy pole for years now. In fact, some of your favourites have most probably spent a short window of their career awkwardly channelling the spirit of a lonely hunk called ‘Bill’ ordering a coffee. Read on, and you’ll find four men who weren’t ashamed to make a living from these so-called “soap operas”… Read More >>>
The latest from Sherwood Forest is that there is a God.
Back in September we reported that Russell Crowe was set to play both Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham in Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood. Think Lindsay Lohan in Parent Trap with facial hair and a few hundred extra pounds.
However, according to an update on the IMDB Russell Crowe is sticking to one role. He is donning a pair of spanx and is playing Robin Hood. The Sheriff of Nottingham is rumoured to be played by Matthew Macfadyen of Pride and Prejudice remake fame.
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News about Nottingham – Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood story, not the horrible East Midlands town – has been a bit all over the shop lately.
First Nottingham was going to star Russell Crowe as a good Sheriff of Nottingham who had to battle the evil Robin Hood, then it wasn’t going to be made at all, but now it’s back on – and it’s got completely weird. Apparently in the new Nottingham, Russell Crowe is going to play the Sheriff of Nottingham and Robin Hood.
Not in a good way, either. In Nottingham, Russell Crowe’s character will be both the Sheriff of Nottingham and Robin Hood – news which will be profoundly disappointing to all of us hoping that Nottingham would feature a Double Impact-style scene where two identical Russell Crowes have a kung-fu fight with telephones in the woods in 12th Century England.
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State Of Play - the movie adaptation of a BBC mini-series that recently hit the headlines when Brad Pitt didn't want to be in it any more – has had another member-swap.
Now, thanks to Brad Pitt suddenly leaving State Of Play and Russell Crowe taking his place, production has been slightly delayed – and that delay has meant that Edward Norton has been forced to drop out as well. But, undeterred, the State Of Play team have laboured on and quickly signed up Ben Affleck to fill his shoes. And don't forget that State Of Play still hasn't started filming yet, so by the time it hits cinemas we can expect State Of Play's all-star line-up to include two Baldwin brothers, the girl from The Craft who wasn't Neve Campbell or the pretty one, a Chinese Highland Shrew and your Mum.
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