royal family - HecklerSpray

More Royal Babies Are Coming

September 10th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

It seems like only yesterday 80% of all women and gay men here in the United States were decked out in their Sunday best at 4 am, obsessively?watching Prince William marry Kate Middleton.? It was a real life royal wedding, and as a country where RuPaul is the closest thing to a queen we got, it was glorious.

Then last year, these two beautiful people made an adorable baby for us all to swoon after.? But a year has come and gone, and the excitement about the soon to be toddler has waned.? But thankfully for us, Prince William has spread his WASPy sperm again, and another royal baby is on the way.

Kate Middleton Topless Photos Published by Horny French Perverts

September 14th, 2012 By Chris Starr

What is the media’s obsession with seeing members of the royal family in their birthday suits? It turns out that it’s not only Prince Harry that enjoys being carefree and clothesless in the world. Today, French magazine Closer has published photos of Kate Middleton topless.

“So what?” you’re thinking. Well, this is the wife of the third in line to the British throne, who is currently in the middle of a media tour of the far East. She’s also one of the most recognised faces in the world, and she’s linked to a family which is known for its reserve and gentility (but is always featured prominently in media outlets when they don’t behave quite so well – see Wales, Harry for a bunch of perfect examples).

5 Reasons Why Prince Harry is a Complete Embarrassment

August 23rd, 2012 By Chris Starr

Well, he was grown up for five days. I guess that’s all you can ask for really. He is, after all, ginger, spoilt, and unlikely to ever see himself as King. A guy’s got to do what a guy’s got to do, and in that case it means letting off steam and making the British Royal Family seem like it’s a college kid at a kegger.

We are of course talking about Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales, known to Harry by some and a monumental fuckup to the 70 million people of Britain. You see, we were doing so well this year. We had the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee. We held the Olympics. The Paralympics was coming up round the corner. People around the world liked us and respected us! But then ginger Harry had to come and fuck it up, as he always does. Let’s count the ways he’s screwed over the country by being an absolute lad.

Pippa Middleton Still Has An Arse But One That Skis!

March 5th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

It really is heartwarming that our beloved Royal family have decided to take some absolutely typical Normal Just Like You And Me Pleb Citizens under their swannish wing, eh? Thank Christ for the Middletons.

The very normal Middletons are just like us, they really are. Apart from being already wealthy, having a penchant for wax jackets, having toilets made of diamonds and the whole Pot Noodle Doesn’t Make Up 90% Of Their Diet?thing.

And of course, Pippa Middleton is unique and special because she has a famous posterior which, astonishingly, went skiing in Sweden without melting the snow with sexy vibes. How does she do it?!

The Queen, Kate Middleton and Camilla Go On Wild Girls’ Night At Fortnum & Mason’s

March 2nd, 2012 By Becca Day-Preston

Bored of sitting on their arses in separate palaces, eating swan pate and beating servants, the Queen, Kate Middleton and Camilla Parker Bowles decided to go on a raucous girls? night out at Fortnum & Mason’s, where they ate indestructible biscuits, and Kate practiced her bending down to smile at children skills.

Once inside, away from the cameras, we can only assume that various nubile members of Fortnums staff were forced to strip naked and throw foie gras at each other while the royal wenches laughed and laughed.

All wearing blue jackets to cover their crudely printed ?Windsor Gals ON THA LASH!? t-shirts, they embarked on a short meet and greet where Kate Middleton smiled at literally four or five carefully selected cute children, and Camilla managed to go ten minutes without actually snarling at anyone, which is nice.

Kate Middleton Tells A Big Royal Secret And Wears A Cheap Dress

February 22nd, 2012 By Becca Day-Preston

Since proving last week that she is perfectly capable of walking, talking and waving unaided by more than a medium-sized entourage Kate Middleton, the new Princess of Hearts, has been really earning her keep.

Walking, talking and waving is such super super hard work, make no mistake. Our Kate, Princess of Hearts, won't have anyone saying she's lazy and workshy: she took photos of her parents? balloons once and don't you forget it, you worthless scumbag single mother prole.

Kate?s recent solo walking, talking and waving mission took her to a school in Cambridge, where she also demonstrated some serious bending down and smiling at kids skills. And get this; she was doing it in a cheap dress! That's right, she got her dress in the sales, just like a common person! It was only ?162.50, and what can you get for ?162.50 nowadays? Practically nothing (except, you know, food for a family of four for a week). Well done, Kate, for being so thrifty!

Naomi Watts To Play Princess Diana: Royalists And Ring 2 Fans Unite In Grief

February 10th, 2012 By Sophie Hall

Right. Here’s the future.?In the year 200andGoogleitbecausewedidnot, once all the disinfectant from Leona Lewis’ Olympic Opening Ceremony Performance has sterilized Britain, there is to be some exciting news. Naomi Watts is going to do exactly what Meryl Streep has just done here in 2012.

But she’s going to do it slightly more creepier – and be all PRINCESS DIANA and everything.

Okay. Quick reminder on who Princess Diana is, just before everyone jumps on the bandwagon and starts holding aloft an ironic piece of bunting with a smashed arm of a princess on it or something.

Kate Middleton Astounds Everyone By Wearing Clothes And Walking Around In Them

February 9th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Kate Middleton is now a blueblood. She’s married into the Royal Family, which gives her special dispensation from the law. She’s probably allowed to kill people and run over vicars with combine harvesters while setting fire to piles of tyres and griffins.

HOWEVER. She’s not like the rest.

Y’see, our Kate is willing to not only walk around us plebscum, but also, do it wearing clothes that you can buy from shops. Seriously. Someone should beatify her now…. if they do Protestant beatification that is.

Pippa Middleton’s Bum Not Safe From Paparazzi Scum

January 12th, 2012 By Kris Silver

It must be hard being Pippa Middleton; trying to be a serious business woman and gallivanting around London, made all the more difficult because everyone knows you for being the one with the arse that stole your sister?s wedding day.

Poor, poor Pippa.

But a tabloid picture editor has come forward and announced that newspapers would be offered around 300 or 400 pictures PER DAY of the fitter Middleton, none of which are of her arse.

Kate Middleton Pregnant: Victory For Inbreeding

November 18th, 2011 By Robin Darke

Good news for all you Royalist dicks out there. It turns out that Prince William, him what wed that “commoner” earlier this year, isn’t a complete waste of semen as reports are coming through that he’s managed to knock up his new wife. Congrats, eh?

According to a Buckingham Palace insider, some chatty US magazine has confirmed that royal couple are “relieved.”

Maybe the years of Royal inbreeding has shrivelled their genitals to the size of Walnut Whips? Perhaps the overwhelming worry that any child with a learning disability would be hidden away in the “Special Dungeon” deep below the Palace was too much to bear?