Oh yeah, everyone's gone crazy bananas ever since Simon Cowell allowed the public to cast Lucie Jones back to her dreary Welsh village, where she can forever plat people?s hair, and regale them with tales about the time she wore razor-cut denim, and sung a song that no one had ever heard of.
?I'm sorry, but who the hell are you?? they will ask. ?I'm Lucie Jones,? she will declare, standing up from her seat, imagining the warmth of a spotlight once again caressing her stupid Welsh face. ?Lucie Jones, the lonely girl from Wales, who went on to national fame and stardom? for about a month.? She'll then either start frenziedly hacking at her own arms, or take up board and lodgings in whichever dumpster Shane Ward and Leon Jackson have now decided to call home.
The point being that it doesn't matter one jot that Cowell saved those turdish Irish twins at the weekend. Like the rest of them, fast forward a few months, and they will be touching themselves for coins in some rancid little corner of the internet. This is an early-evening variety show – Leona Lewis and JLS aside, it doesn't produce actual stars. So everyone should just shut up.
Plus it's not the first time that the important X Factor judges/general public have cocked things up anyway. Read on, and we?ll tell you some more?
And so another year rolls around, and thousands of orphans will be performing song-and-dance routines, begging you not to turn your back on them, like everyone else they ever gave a damn about has. 