You might want to steady yourself for this news – apparently Rosie O’Donnell is difficult to live with.
Who knew? We always thought that living with Rosie O’Donnell would be adorable – realising that she’s finished off all the biscuits again, getting into stand-up arguments about the war seven times a day, faking enthusiasm whenever she suggests that you rewatch her turn as Betty Rubble in the 1994 live action Flintstones movie for the billionth time – but apparently it’s not.
Because Rosie O’Donnell and her partner Kelli Carpenter are calling it quits. Or they might be about to. Form an orderly queue, boys.
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Last week was huge for Rosie O’Donnell – and not because it’s the only week where everyone gets to eat as much as she usually does.
Instead, it marked Rosie O’Donnell’s big return to TV. Last week saw the premiere of Rosie Live – a big balls-out, unashamedly old-fashioned variety show hosted by Rosie O’Donnell. And Rosie Live would have been great, too, if only more than about four people watched it, and those who did watch it didn’t hate it.
So, with a heavy heart, Rosie O’Donnell took to the internet this weekend to announce that there would be no more Rosie Live. But, undeterred, Rosie O’Donnell has sworn to return to TV soon with a format that suits her better. Working titles for that show include Rosie’s Hour Of Screaming, Rosie Puts You Off Your Dinner, Rosie Punches The Homeless, Rosie Kicks Down People’s Doors With A Knife In Her Mouth and Not Rosie.
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Last week was huge for Rosie O'Donnell - and not because it's the only week where everyone gets to eat as much as she usually does.
Instead, it marked Rosie O'Donnell's big return to TV. Last week saw the premiere of Rosie Live - a big balls-out, unashamedly old-fashioned variety show hosted by Rosie O'Donnell. And Rosie Live would have been great, too, if only more than about four people watched it, and those who did watch it didn't hate it.
So, with a heavy heart, Rosie O'Donnell took to the internet this weekend to announce that there would be no more Rosie Live. But, undeterred, Rosie O'Donnell has sworn to return to TV soon with a format that suits her better. Working titles for that show include Rosie's Hour Of Screaming, Rosie Puts You Off Your Dinner, Rosie Punches The Homeless, Rosie Kicks Down People's Doors With A Knife In Her Mouth and Not Rosie.
There’s a saying in these parts: ‘You can take the lady out of The View, but you can’t stop her from screeching about it like a fat lunatic.’
And it’s true, too. Just the other week, Star Jones was screeching about The View like a fat lunatic and we don’t even know who she is. And now it’s the turn of Rosie O’Donnell to do the same, although helpfully since she acts like a fat lunatic most of the time anyway, it’s easier for her.
Rosie O’Donnell has been involved in a spat with the old Skeletor lady from The View because Rosie O’Donnell says everyone on The View hates each other and Skeletor lady says they don’t. But it’s much more interesting than that because… no, wait. It’s not more interesting than that. That’s literally as interesting as this gets. A fat lady has shouted at an old lady. As you were, everyone.
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This is a day as momentous as the moon landing plus the fall of the Berlin wall multiplied by three Live Aids – Rosie O’Donnell’s back on TV!
After spending 17 months in the television wilderness, where she’s filled her time with nothing but failed comeback attempts and screwy pronouncements about other gay celebrities, it’s been announced that Rosie O’Donnell will host a live one-hour primetime show on NBC the day before Thanksgiving.
The show is to be entitled Rosie’s Variety Hour. It’s an accurate name, since the entire show is going to be an hour of Rosie O’Donnell destroying a variety of things that make her angry with a cricket bat – like a bible, the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution, the headquarters of an anti-abortion lobby group and, as a finale, a 30-storey slime-filled papier mache sculpture of Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Donald Trump holding hands.
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Now that Clay Aiken has decided to announce he’s openly gay, his life is bound to change in many exciting and scary ways.
For example, Clay Aiken might find himself starting to enjoy the music of Bette Midler more that he did before, and there’ll be moments when he finds the movie Mamma Mia genuinely touching rather than tacky and bad. But most of all, Clay Aiken will find himself at the centre of a Rosie O’Donnell statement.
In fact, Clay Aiken already has. In a brief statement given hours after it emerged that Clay Aiken was gay, Rosie O’Donnell told the world that she ‘loves’ Clay. Oh Rosie – Clay Aiken isn’t going to love you back, you know. He’s gay now, and that means he doesn’t like women. But don’t worry Rosie O’Donnell, you’ll find a good man one of these days.
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Fans of very specific, slightly nauseating, lesbian pornography get ready – Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck are going to get it on!
Well, look, OK, Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck obviously aren’t going to get it on at all, but that hasn’t stopped Rosie O’Donnell calling Elisabeth Hasselbeck ‘very attractive’ during an interview with Howard Stern yesterday.
We’ll get to the details in a moment, but for now let’s just mourn the fact that Rosie and Elisabeth aren’t able to genetically create their own child – because it’d have to be part O’Donnell and part Hasselbeck, and we could earn all sorts of money running a book on whether it’d come out fat and intolerant or skinny and paranoid.
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If you thought Rosie O'Donnell had been spending her time away from TV fighting with strangers, puking vomit down her cleavage and crying a lot, think again.
Actually, scrap that – for all we know Rosie O'Donnell has been spending her time away from TV fighting with strangers, puking vomit down her cleavage and crying a lot – but if she has, she's done it stone cold sober.
Rosie O'Donnell has revealed that she's given up alcohol because she's sick of all the adverse reactions. However, it's thought that being on the wagon hasn't affected Rosie O'Donnell's favourite party-piece – belching out a perfect rendition of the saxophone part from Baker Street so loudly that it'll loosen your fillings.
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The feud between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck was one that not even the most hardcore pervert could have imagined turning sexual.
But that's exactly what has hap… no, we're only joking. Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck aren't fighting any more, but only because Rosie though to send Elisabeth's newborn some gifts.
Still, we had you with the sex thing, right? Right?
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Don’t Worry Clay Aiken, Rosie O’Donnell Loves You
by Stuart Heritage on September 25, 2008 0 Comments
For example, Clay Aiken might find himself starting to enjoy the music of Bette Midler more that he did before, and there’ll be moments when he finds the movie Mamma Mia genuinely touching rather than tacky and bad. But most of all, Clay Aiken will find himself at the centre of a Rosie O’Donnell statement.
In fact, Clay Aiken already has. In a brief statement given hours after it emerged that Clay Aiken was gay, Rosie O’Donnell told the world that she ‘loves’ Clay. Oh Rosie – Clay Aiken isn’t going to love you back, you know. He’s gay now, and that means he doesn’t like women. But don’t worry Rosie O’Donnell, you’ll find a good man one of these days.
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