Where to stand on this Chris Brown/ Rihanna debacle – yes, a woman was attacked until she was hospitalised.

Then again, Chris Brown is adorable. What a pickle. Do we blame Chris Brown for allegedly being a violent, woman-beating thug, or do we blame Rihanna for, um, having the sort of face that you want to choke unconscious, or whatever other genuinely stupid reasons the idiots who blame Rihanna have dreamt up?

Let’s take a leaf out of Roseanne Barr’s book, shall we? She’s quite happy to blame Chris Brown AND Rihanna for everything. Sounds good Roseanne, you tubby old lunatic.

The best thing about Chris Brown being arrested for allegedly duffing up Rihanna is that everybody has got an opinion on it. Literally everyone - Jay-Z, someone who might know Oprah Winfrey, about a million hecklerspray readers who couldn’t spell a single sodding sentence correctly if you held a bastard gun to their bloody heads – everyone.

Actually, no – almost everyone. Because, if we’re honest, we’ve been slightly disappointed by the lack of reaction from fat obnoxious women who used to have their own sitcoms in the early 1990s. Surely they must have an opinion about Chris Brown. Surely.

Well, the good news is they do. Or at least the only one that matters does – Roseanne Barr. And it’s not a moment too soon, because Roseanne has an extraordinary insight into the psychology of abuse – not only has Roseanne previously accused both of her parents of physical and sexual abuse in the past, but the last season of her sitcom was so overwhelmingly cack there’s a very strong chance it’d stand up as an example of the worst kind of domestic abuse against the entire world in a court of law.

So what has Roseanne Barr got to say about this Chris Brown/ Rihanna kerfuffle? Let’s just say that her opinions are entirely in keeping with that of a woman who once devoted an entire segment of her talkshow to performing a nine-minute version of Exodus by Bob Marley in a borderline-racist dreadlock wig before proclaiming herself to be the reincarnation of Cleopatra who’d returned to Earth to liberate women. First of all, on her blog, Roseanne seemed to have it in for Chris Brown:

chris brown’s lies and excuses make me want to beat the crap out of him…he uses the language of the perpetrator just like every sleazy bastard who ever smacked his wife, kid mother or girlfriend around uses. you dirty bastard, I hope you go to prison for ten years. IT’S YOUR FAULT, ASSHOLE!

Before then, the following day, deciding that Rihanna was probably to blame for it as well:

women who go back to men who have hit them are usually violent too. i hope rhianna is getting counseling from a professional counselor who will tell her that there is no way for her to ever win, and that she will have to curtail her own penchant for escalating conflict by screaming at or hitting or humiliating her abuser.

So there we have it. Conclusive proof that Chris Brown is an asshole. Or that Rihanna is a bitch who probably deserved it. Or that Roseanne Barr lost her marbles a long, long time ago.

Oh, let’s just go with the last one. It’s easier.

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