Then again, Chris Brown is adorable. What a pickle. Do we blame Chris Brown for allegedly being a violent, woman-beating thug, or do we blame Rihanna for, um, having the sort of face that you want to choke unconscious, or whatever other genuinely stupid reasons the idiots who blame Rihanna have dreamt up?

Let’s take a leaf out of Roseanne Barr’s book, shall we? She’s quite happy to blame Chris Brown AND Rihanna for everything. Sounds good Roseanne, you tubby old lunatic.

The best thing about Chris Brown being arrested for allegedly duffing up Rihanna is that everybody has got an opinion on it. Literally everyone - Jay-Z, someone who might know Oprah Winfrey, about a million hecklerspray readers who couldn’t spell a single sodding sentence correctly if you held a bastard gun to their bloody heads – everyone.

Actually, no – almost everyone. Because, if we’re honest, we’ve been slightly disappointed by the lack of reaction from fat obnoxious women who used to have their own sitcoms in the early 1990s. Surely they must have an opinion about Chris Brown. Surely.

Well, the good news is they do. Or at least the only one that matters does – Roseanne Barr. And it’s not a moment too soon, because Roseanne has an extraordinary insight into the psychology of abuse – not only has Roseanne previously accused both of her parents of physical and sexual abuse in the past, but the last season of her sitcom was so overwhelmingly cack there’s a very strong chance it’d stand up as an example of the worst kind of domestic abuse against the entire world in a court of law.

So what has Roseanne Barr got to say about this Chris Brown/ Rihanna kerfuffle? Let’s just say that her opinions are entirely in keeping with that of a woman who once devoted an entire segment of her talkshow to performing a nine-minute version of Exodus by Bob Marley in a borderline-racist dreadlock wig before proclaiming herself to be the reincarnation of Cleopatra who’d returned to Earth to liberate women. First of all, on her blog, Roseanne seemed to have it in for Chris Brown:

chris brown’s lies and excuses make me want to beat the crap out of him…he uses the language of the perpetrator just like every sleazy bastard who ever smacked his wife, kid mother or girlfriend around uses. you dirty bastard, I hope you go to prison for ten years. IT’S YOUR FAULT, ASSHOLE!

Before then, the following day, deciding that Rihanna was probably to blame for it as well:

women who go back to men who have hit them are usually violent too. i hope rhianna is getting counseling from a professional counselor who will tell her that there is no way for her to ever win, and that she will have to curtail her own penchant for escalating conflict by screaming at or hitting or humiliating her abuser.

So there we have it. Conclusive proof that Chris Brown is an asshole. Or that Rihanna is a bitch who probably deserved it. Or that Roseanne Barr lost her marbles a long, long time ago.

Oh, let’s just go with the last one. It’s easier.

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See, there are times when celebrities get angry at other celebrities – they usually mean a few cross words and not much else. We smirk at these times. We enjoy. We forget.

Then there are times when a celebrity unleashes a furious rant at other celebrities – and this is exactly what Roseanne Barr has gone and done, and in whose direction?

Why, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, of course. The easiest of the targets, as we all know too well.

The internet is a wonderful thing – once we would have to wait for weeks or even months to hear of the spats between two sets of people we don’t know and are unlikely to ever meet. Now, thanks to the popularity and ease of use of blogs, we get to know about even the smallest of arguments straight from the horse’s mouth.

Or Roseanne’s mouth, which – let’s be honest here – isn’t particularly horsey. More beastly.

Yes, she who was on that there Roseanne programme has gone and vented her spleen about the king and queen of celebritydom, starting out on estranged grandpappy Jon Voight but soon moving on to Brad and Angie, slating them for their adoption practices, their charity donations and their political opinions – or lack thereof.

Oh, and she’s only gone and included a passage that very much stands out as something a hecklerspray writer would be proud to unleash on the world.

On the other hand, it does make Roseanne seem utterly, utterly mad and throws the whole matter into question. If it were a reasoned and generally normal person making this post then maybe there would be more credibility behind it, but as it stands, it’s a mad old woman being a bit mad and old.

But who cares? It’s a funny rant! And it went a little something like this:

“jon voight your evil spawn angelina jolie and her vacuous hubby brad pitt make about forty million dollars a year in violent psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children”

Take into account this is printed verbatim, warts, lack of punctuation and all. But Rosey went on and unleashed this beaut, which has to go down as one of the finest sentences a comedian in the decline of her career has said about two top-of-their-game A listers:

“trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more. (just sayin’).”

It’s got venom, it’s got righteous fury and – best of all – it’s got a half-arsed, abbreviated semi-withdrawal at the end of it. That’s a sentence of kings, really. It demands respect while spitting out fury. But did it stop there? Did it bollocks. The ex-fake wife of John Goodman was obviously just hitting her (typing) stride:

“do you not know that the african daughter you hold in every picture had parents who suffered and died because of the republican party’s worldwide economic assault on africa over the last few decades since reagan?”

Obviously she went on even more, confusing us just as much as she made us splutter our Coco Pops all over our fancy new keyboard, but the choicest pick has to come from how she signs the post off:

“Ps….it might be good for your asian and african children’s self esteem to know you support a brown man for the leader of the free world.”

We can’t help but be conflicted about the whole thing. On one hand it’s utterly hilarious, on the other she does need to take a step back to take another look, calm herself down and probably have a nap, as she seems a bit cranky.

Either way, Roseanne Barr has amused hecklerspray for the first time in our life – marrying Tom Arnold didn’t count, that was a cheap shot – and that’s got to be worth at least something.

Read the Rest of it Here:

Roseanne’s blog