Ronnie Wood - HecklerSpray

Ronnie Wood’s Son Gets Beaten With Baseball Bats And We’re Supposed To Care

July 8th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Ronnie Wood – a man who looks like all four faces of Mount Rushmore packed into one particularly perished melon – is of course, rock royalty. This means that, away from him mugging on-stage with The Rolling Stones, we’re supposed to care about the other aspects of his life.

So has something bad happened to Ron Wood? Well, apart from that whole midlife crisis and running off with a woman 300 years younger than him, not really.

See, his youngest son, Tyrone, has been beaten up really badly with a baseball bat while on holiday in Greece. But we’ve never heard of him before, so we can just treat it like any no-mark who has had their arse handed to them, right?

Fife Fife Baby, DJ Basshunter Denies Sexual Assault In Scotland

January 13th, 2011 By Kris Silver

Basshunter, the lovable dance DJ behind such songs as ‘Now You're Gone’ and? erm?? that other one he did, which seem designed to make your brain bleed with hate, has appeared in court in Kircaldy to deny two allegations of sexual assault.

That's right, the man who followed Ronnie Wood?s former missus, Ekaterina Ivanova, around like a little lost puppy with a somewhat creepy look in his eye is alleged to have sexually assaulted a couple of girls in a nightclub in Fife.

Maybe she was right to keep him at arms length, mind you if you'd been allegedly battered by your ex you'd probably try to keep strange men at more than an arms length, just to be on the safe side.

Ronnie Wood Arrested On Suspicion Of Being A Dick

December 4th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Look, we know the Rolling Stones enjoy pretending that they’re younger than they actually are, but this is ridiculous.

Of course, we blame Chris Brown. If it wasn’t for Chris Brown beating up Rihanna earlier this year, then would Ronnie Wood have allegedly rolled up his sleeves on Wednesday night and shown that awful acts of violence on women aren’t exclusively reserved for the young by giving his girlfriend a pasting in the street? No, Ronnie Wood wouldn’t.

Or maybe Ronnie Wood would. All we know is that he’s been arrested on suspicion of assaulting his 20-year-old girlfriend. Oh, we’ll blame Chris Brown anyway. Why change the habit of a lifetime, huh?

Ronnie Wood Stumbles Off To Rehab For A Bit

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

We’ve never spent a week getting drunk in the arms of a Russian waitress who’s a third of our age, but it sounds awful.

So no wonder Ronnie Wood has decided to check into rehab. After flying back to apologise for his exploits to his long-suffering wife, Ronnie has checked into a clinic to beat his drinking problem once and for all.

It sounds like a great idea, except that Ronnie Wood went to rehab to beat his drinking problem once and for all last month too, and that just made him run off to Ireland to get drunk with an unusually young Russian girl that he met in a sex club. So rehab is a brave move, because if the pattern holds he’ll be mainlining heroin with a three-year-old Serbian toddler by the end of the month.

Ronnie Wood Tries To Save His Marriage, About A Week Too Late

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

We’ve often found that things slip your mind when you’re repeatedly having it off with a 20-year-old Russian cocktail waitress.

Things like, ooh, let’s say, the fact that you’ve been married to a non-Russian who isn’t a cocktail waitress for longer than your new conquest has been alive. It’s perfectly natural, so it’s perfectly understandable that that’s exactly what Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood seems to have been doing lately.

But no more. According to reports, Ronnie Wood has decided to return to the UK and plead for forgiveness with his wife Jo. It’ll be an important moment for both of them, but if Jo can find it in her heart to forgive Ronnie Wood then at least he’ll know she’ll probably forgive him the next time he picks up a skanky-looking Russian girl in a prostitute club too. Like we said, important.