Impressionists. It’s hard to know whether to laugh at them or kill them by strangling them with their own vocal chords.

Alas, they’re not all idiots. Some are rather good and inventive with it. Of course, most aren’t. Most are jarring nincompoops.

However, one chap has an A-to-Z of celebrity impressions and, while some aren’t too hot, some are really, really great.

In the alphabet of impressions, you’ll hear George Clooney, Matt Damon, Eddie Izzard, Patrick Stewart, Ron Howard, Kevin Spacey and a very, very splendid take on Quentin Tarantino and John Malkovich.

Unless you hate impressionists.

Then you’ll obviously hate this video so hard that it’ll actively give you energy and you’ll stomp around and beat your fists on your head with blind rage.

Or not.

Who cares? Watch this mildly distracting video and make your own stupid mind up.

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Honestly Ron Howard, talk about phoning it in. Yes, we all know how successful The Da Vinci Code was, but put some effort in.

Because its sequel Angels & Demons might be the top movie at the weekend box office this week, but have you ever considered what made The Da Vinci Code so popular in the first place? That’s right – Tom Hanks’ tatty old mullet.

But look at his Angels & Demons haircut, for crying out loud. It’s almost normal. Honestly, there had better be a deleted DVD scene where Tom Hanks gives himself a bubble perm, or there’ll be riots.
So Angels & Demons is the US weekend box office number one, and we’ll admit to being a little surprised. Because, you know, it’s an adaptation of a Dan Brown book, so everyone already knows what they’ll get – a drop of anti-Catholic rhetoric, some gormless cryptic clues, enough real-life locations to ensure that anywhere mentioned in the book will get overrun by fat Americans shouting at each other about McDonalds for the next decade and terrible, terrible haircuts.

The worst thing about Angels & Demons, though, is that we suspect we’re going to look back on its time at the top of the US weekend box office fondly purely because it isn’t an impenetrable film about robots punching each other. Such a shame. Here’s the US weekend box office top five…

1 - Angels & Demons (Ron Howard may argue that Angels & Demons isn’t an anti-Catholic film, but did you know that the working title of Dan Brown’s first draft was entitled The Pope Has A Bum Where His Face Should Be And He Poos Out Of His Face And Then He Eats It With His Bum Which Is Also His Face? True story. Well, true-ish) $48,000,000

2 - Star Trek (It’s a controversial admission, we know, but we couldn’t find much to like about Star Trek. Next time put Captain Kirk in a girdle and a wig like nature intended and we’ll think about revising our opinion) $43,000,000

3 - X-Men Origins: Wolverine (No wonder Wolverine looks so angry all the time. If you’d sent your entire upbringing dropping to your knees and howling “NOOOO!” to the heavens every three seconds you’d be pretty narked off too) $14,800,000

4 - Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past (Where Matthew McConaughey sets out to sexually defile the corpses of all of his dead girlfriends. We assume) $6,860,000

5 – Obsessed (The moral of this film is supposedly ‘be careful who you flirt with’ even though, in our considered opinion, it’s actually ‘don’t watch Obsessed’) $4,550,000

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Whenever Ron Howard adapts a Dan Brown book into a movie, three things are guaranteed to instantly happen.

Firstly, Tom Hanks will grow a terrible haircut. Secondly, reams of fat American tourists will start plodding around wherever it’s set loudly carping on about the Catholic church because they think that listening to a rubbishy airport book on audiotape once makes them the world’s sweatiest, most badly-dressed professors of theology.

And thirdly Ron Howard will wring his hands and unconvincingly claim that he doesn’t hate Catholics. Angels & Demons is released soon, so you’ll never guess what Ron Howard has done.

The Da Vinci Code. Now that was a good film. Probably. We haven’t actually watched it. But then again we didn’t really need to, on the basis that anyone who’s even been within 30 miles of Paris in the last five years already knows the entire plot front to back from overhearing the small army of simpletons who blunder round day after day shouting things like “Ooh, Mary Magdalene was the victim of a Catholic cover up,” and “Ooh, Opus Dei,” and “Ooh, blah blah blah blah wank.”

Anyway, now the movie adaptation of the sequel to The Da Vinci Code, Angels And Demons, is about to be released. It’s bound to have exactly the same effect as The Da Vinci Code, in that everyone is going to spout badly-informed nonsense about the Illuminati until we end up punching ourselves unconscious, the Large Hadron Collider is going to become a haven for fat tourists who secretly wish they were sitting by a swimming pool somewhere and all the Catholics in the world are going to throw a massive tizzy about it.

It happened with The Da Vinci Code – plus the film was banned in Pakistan and China – and now it pretty much looks like it’s going to happen with Angels & Demons, too. The Roman Diocese had already banned the movie from filming inside any of its churches, and last week the president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights wrote a newspaper article saying that Angels & Demons was a fat load of toilet and that Ron Howard was a ginger, Catholic-hating tosswhump. We’re paraphrasing.

But Ron Howard isn’t going down without a fight, so he’s written a response for the Huffington Post:

“Let me be clear: neither I nor Angels & Demons are anti-Catholic… After all, in Angels & Demons, Professor Robert Langdon teams up with the Catholic Church to thwart a vicious attack against the Vatican. What, exactly, is anti-Catholic about that?”

Now that both sides have had their say, it looks like we’re all invited to take sides. So who will you pick – the large, humourless organisation that believes an omniscient fairy will let you live on a cloud if you spend your entire life brown-nosing him, or the slightly annoying ginger man who’s made a bad film based on a worse book?

It’s a tricky one, isn’t it? So we’ve decided that we’re just going to tell you ending of Angels & Demons to save you the effort – apparently it was Jesus, in the drawing room, with his holy eye-lasers.

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