Madonna is at her happiest when she’s deliberately upsetting people – which probably explains Body of Evidence, actually.

But this time Madonna has outdone herself. This time, Madonna has managed to upset an entire swathe of eastern Europe. And it’s hard to upset eastern Europeans because, seriously, have you seen what those people eat?

Anyway, how did Madonna manage to so wildly offend the sensibilities of our European cousins? Simple, really – she went to Romania and said that she quite likes gypsies. Which is fair enough – pretending to finger yourself down the road from the Pope is OK. But gypsies? Ugh.

The best kind of fight is a fight that makes everyone look stupid and, God bless Madonna, that’s her favourite kind of fight as well. At least we assume it is, because she always seems to be in one of them.

Like when Madonna literally crucified herself during her last tour, for instance. Sure, it may have made religious leaders from around the world look stuffy and pompous but, like our dear old nan used to say, if you ever want to look like a gigantic tit then be a middle-aged millionaire in a leotard strapped to a giant glittery cross singing a piss-weak ballad about suffering to people who’ve paid £150 for a concert ticket.

And now she’s done it again. And this time it’s a doozy, because Madonna actually managed to offend the very people who’d paid to see her. So what did Madonna do to make her entire audience boo her? Did she crap on a Romanian flag? Did she sing Papa Don’t Preach while doing an offensive impersonation of a vampire? Did she besmirch the reputation of beloved Romanian gymnast Corina Ungureanu? No. No, the truth is far more shocking. In fact it will chill you to your very core. BBC News reports:

Madonna paused during her two-hour show to say: “It has been brought to my attention, that there is a lot of discrimination against Romanies and Gypsies in general in Eastern Europe – it made me feel very sad.” “We don’t believe in discrimination, we believe in freedom and equal rights for everyone.” The star then received more boos when she mentioned prejudice against homosexuals and others.

It’s incredible, isn’t it? And – even though it actually causes us physical pain – despite her hectoring, schoolmarmish tone, we have to admit that that Madonna doesn’t completely come off as the worst party in this argument. Because really, if Romanians have such a problem with Romanies, they should probably think about moving to a country with a name that doesn’t directly translate to Land Of The Romanies, shouldn’t they? Although if that’s what they decide to do, they should probably steer clear of Gypsyville. And Pikeyton, for that matter.

We’re not saying it was wrong of the Romanians to boo Madonna, though – just that they were booing her for the wrong thing. If they wanted to boo her for, say, being a little old lady who looks like Iggy Pop’s grandfather in a nightmarishly revealing leotard with one of history’s worst British accents and a genuinely preposterous religious belief then, hey, we’d be 100% behind them all the way.

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We’re going to start doubling up on these Eurovision profiles again. Not because we made a fundamental calculation error, but because we love you.

What’s the big Eurovision news of the day? Only that bloody rehearsals have started in Moscow. And from these we can tell you that the woman from the Ukraine is a dirty girl, that the girl from Albania is energetic and sexy and the man from Lithuania is a git. You’re welcome, readers.

Anyway, here are the Eurovision 2009 rundowns for Elena Gheorghe from Romania and Anastasiya Prykhodko from Russia…

Romania · Elena Gheorghe, The Balkan Girls

Before we go any further, we’d just like to make it clear that Balkan girls are lovely. Almost embarrassingly lovely. And intelligent. Intelligent and lovely. But The Balkan Girls, the Romanian Eurovision entry this year, is the exact opposite of that. It’s stupid and whatever the opposite of lovely is. It’s less of a song and more something you’d hear a pimp chant outside a grotty Bucharest brothel – “The Balkan girls they like to party like nobody, like nobody/ For crowd delight, we’ll shine all night,” it goes, and it doesn’t stop until it’s broken you down and you agree to get a miserable cut-price handjob off one of them. Also, rhyming ‘kiss’ and ‘prince’ is beyond ridiculous. And no amount of writhing models in a pop video is ever going to change that.

Russia · Anastasiya Prykhodko, Mamo

About now, Russia is probably starting to realise that hosting the Eurovision Song Contest isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There’s the cost of the operation to deal with, not to mention the vast, life-draining pointlessness of it all. The old aversion of wanting to win Eurovision again is probably the reason why Russia has decided to enter Anastasiya Prykhodko this year – a funny-looking woman with a voice that, let’s not beat around the bush here, sounds like a man. And it’s also the reason why Mamo has no discernible melody to speak of. Still, Mamo does have one thing going for it -  two minutes in, Anastasiya hits one massive sustained note. So, if nothing else, at least we know what she’d sound like if she fell down a well. See? We’re all about the positive.

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The Eurovision Song Contest is almost upon us. have you placed a Eurovision bet yet? Now’s the time to do it, beause these odds are only going to get shorter the closer we get to the actual contest. The risk is high, but the rewards are great. And if you’ve managed to read all these betting odds so far, you deserve some kind of financial reward, don’t you.

Here are the Eurovision betting odds for Romania, with help from Paddy Power…

Romania (pop. 22,355,551: a country in southeastern Europe) Nico & Vlad, Pe-o Margine De Lume

You may have noticed that Eurovision has been pretty heavy on the sexy girls this year. That’s OK for lonely old men, but what about lonely old women? Where are the Eurovision singers designed to get their pants all tingly, huh? Where are the handsome men in tuxedos with undone bowties around their neck playing piano and staring out to sea in a macho yet meaningful way? They’re in Romania, if Vlad here is any indication. He’s so dreamy, so it’s a shame that that bitch Nico elbows her way into the song halfway through and starts screeching. What a bitch! That should be us on a beach next to Vlad singing next to a load of clocks that have been placed there for no reason! Us! Anyway, we haven’t got a clue what Pe-o Margine De Lume is about, and we don’t care because it sounds all soppy and toothless and Vlad will never be ours, no matter what we do. Current Eurovision betting odds – 16/1

Next week: Russia! But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Eurovision betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.