Articles tagged with: Romance
Guy Ritchie’s New Girlfriend = Hugh Grant’s Old Girlfriend?
All those years of marriage to Madonna have done something strange to Guy Ritchie - they've opened him up to the possibility of love. Or, to be more specific, they've opened him up to the possibility of love with immensely rich women whose plummy British accents are so ludicrous that they sound like aristocratic cats yakking up hairballs when they try to speak. To demonstrate this, Guy Ritchie has apparently been seen 'canoodling' with Jemima Khan - a woman who's basically just a singing career, an adopted African child and a wardrobe full of gruesome leotards away from actually being Madonna. Possibly.
All those years of marriage to Madonna have done something strange to Guy Ritchie - they've opened him up to the possibility of love. Or, to be more specific, they've opened him up to the possibility of love with immensely rich women whose plummy British accents are so ludicrous that they sound like aristocratic cats yakking up hairballs when they try to speak. To demonstrate this, Guy Ritchie has apparently been seen 'canoodling' with Jemima Khan - a woman who's basically just a singing career, an adopted African child and a wardrobe full of gruesome leotards away from actually being Madonna. Possibly.
Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown Not Rekindling Their Awful Romance
To quote one of her own bellowed-out power ballads, didn't Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have it all? Obviously by 'it all' we meant an out-of-control drug addiction, outbursts of domestic abuse, the worst reality TV show in history and a mutual love of manually removing constipated husks of turd out of the rectums of their loved ones with their fingers? Didn't Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have that? Well, yes. Yes they did. But that's all in the past now. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown definitely aren't getting back together, no matter how many reports you hear to the contrary. And that denial doesn't just come from Whitney Houston, but all the imaginary demons she allegedly used to see during her gigantic crack binges as well. So, you know, it must be true.
To quote one of her own bellowed-out power ballads, didn't Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have it all? Obviously by 'it all' we meant an out-of-control drug addiction, outbursts of domestic abuse, the worst reality TV show in history and a mutual love of manually removing constipated husks of turd out of the rectums of their loved ones with their fingers? Didn't Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have that? Well, yes. Yes they did. But that's all in the past now. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown definitely aren't getting back together, no matter how many reports you hear to the contrary. And that denial doesn't just come from Whitney Houston, but all the imaginary demons she allegedly used to see during her gigantic crack binges as well. So, you know, it must be true.
Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer: Somewhat Tediously Back On
Mayerston? Johnnifer? Jehn Anistayer? Manny Man Maniston? We need to think up a cute compound name fast, because Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back on. That's right - Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, the celebrity couple that you know nobody cares the slightest sniff about, presumably not even Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, who get shoved into your face around the clock regardless - are back on, with Aniston apparently being the guest of honour at Mayer's 31st birthday party. What's more, John Mayer has apparently written a song about Jennifer Aniston to show his devotion, sealing their romance. The song, entitled Shut Up You Whiny Pinch-Faced Bitch, is due for release next month by the way.
Mayerston? Johnnifer? Jehn Anistayer? Manny Man Maniston? We need to think up a cute compound name fast, because Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back on. That's right - Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, the celebrity couple that you know nobody cares the slightest sniff about, presumably not even Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, who get shoved into your face around the clock regardless - are back on, with Aniston apparently being the guest of honour at Mayer's 31st birthday party. What's more, John Mayer has apparently written a song about Jennifer Aniston to show his devotion, sealing their romance. The song, entitled Shut Up You Whiny Pinch-Faced Bitch, is due for release next month by the way.
Sienna Miller Takes Off Her Top, Smooches It Up with Some Married Guy
Sienna Miller has committed a grievous crime. She was recently photographed off the coast of Italy all lovey-dovey with actor Balthazar Getty, who is married with four children. Sienna’s crime: bad posture. A topless Sienna Miller, hunched over like a squatting monkey, making wild gestures– just let that image sink in for a second – revokes her standard 'Hottie Waiver' when it comes to any moral violations such as adultery. It also subjects her to the standard Dratch Infraction. This, of course, rates the seriousness of how unattractive a woman is compared to Rachel Dratch doing, well, anything. We’ve been informed that all charges will be dropped if Sienna Miller goes away. Forever. Please electronically sign this post in the comments section to support this cause. You can make a difference!
Sienna Miller has committed a grievous crime. She was recently photographed off the coast of Italy all lovey-dovey with actor Balthazar Getty, who is married with four children. Sienna’s crime: bad posture. A topless Sienna Miller, hunched over like a squatting monkey, making wild gestures– just let that image sink in for a second – revokes her standard 'Hottie Waiver' when it comes to any moral violations such as adultery. It also subjects her to the standard Dratch Infraction. This, of course, rates the seriousness of how unattractive a woman is compared to Rachel Dratch doing, well, anything. We’ve been informed that all charges will be dropped if Sienna Miller goes away. Forever. Please electronically sign this post in the comments section to support this cause. You can make a difference!
Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer All Super Nonstop Kissy Kissy
Quick, get your confetti out - this fling between Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer seems to be getting pretty serious. How serious? So serious that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have been seen out together 'laughing at each other's jokes'. What's more, they might have actually kissed in private once. Whatever could be next? Hand-holding? Nonspecific fondling? This madness has to stop! Actually, sod the confetti - it sounds like a wedding's so inevitable here that if we have to fling shredded clumps of our own flesh at the happy couple to celebrate their union that's what we'll do.
Quick, get your confetti out - this fling between Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer seems to be getting pretty serious. How serious? So serious that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have been seen out together 'laughing at each other's jokes'. What's more, they might have actually kissed in private once. Whatever could be next? Hand-holding? Nonspecific fondling? This madness has to stop! Actually, sod the confetti - it sounds like a wedding's so inevitable here that if we have to fling shredded clumps of our own flesh at the happy couple to celebrate their union that's what we'll do.
Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer: Either Dating Or Quite Hungry
All anyone wants for Jennifer Aniston is happiness - a quiet, private happiness that makes her so happy she stops making films. And, fingers crossed, she might have just stumbled onto it. It's been reported that Jennifer Aniston may have found love with squidge-faced bluesman John Mayer after the pair of them were both seen eating in a restaurant with 'their heads close together.' Sounds like love to us. If it's true it's nice to see that Jennifer Aniston has successfully moved on from Brad Pitt once and for all, and has learnt her lesson about getting into relationships with tedious-looking prettyboys by getting into a relationship with a... oh. Never mind.
All anyone wants for Jennifer Aniston is happiness - a quiet, private happiness that makes her so happy she stops making films. And, fingers crossed, she might have just stumbled onto it. It's been reported that Jennifer Aniston may have found love with squidge-faced bluesman John Mayer after the pair of them were both seen eating in a restaurant with 'their heads close together.' Sounds like love to us. If it's true it's nice to see that Jennifer Aniston has successfully moved on from Brad Pitt once and for all, and has learnt her lesson about getting into relationships with tedious-looking prettyboys by getting into a relationship with a... oh. Never mind.
