And now that she’s a successful singer once again, it’s only natural that Britney Spears will start looking for more ways to showcase her unique acting abilities, too. But that movie won’t be Sweet Baby Jesus, the film where Britney Spears was rumoured to be playing the Virgin Mary.

But now it’s been revealed that Britney Spears will no longer be the Virgin Mary. And we won’t lie to you – we’re relieved. Because if Britney Spears is the Virgin Mary, then it’d sort of mean that Kevin Federline was God. And that would mean that heaven is a shabby trailer with the video to Popozao playing on an unstoppable loop on a giant plasma screen that you can’t ever look away from. And all the angels have cornrows and smell a bit.

Acting’s been good for Britney Spears in the past. Whenever she’s hit a turning point in her life, acting’s the path she’s chosen. Like when Britney was at an actual crossroads, she made a movie called Crossroads. And history will show that the darkest days of Britney Spears’ life were bookended by appearances on Will & Grace and How I Met Your Mother respectively.

The latter must have really reignited Britney Spears’ love of acting – even though the only reason it impressed people is because everyone assumed she was so mentally ill that she didn’t even have the motor skills to talk and move at the same time – which is why she’s recently been said to be searching for a new movie role.

But remember, this isn’t wonky old tabloid nuisance Britney Spears any more. This is number one recording artist Britney Spears, so only the best movie roles will do. So what had Britney Spears apparently chosen as her big comeback vehicle? The lead in a blockbuster summertime action movie? No. A haunting bitpart in a serious indie movie by a revered director? No.

A small role as a biblical figure in a rubbish-sounding comedy starring Pierce Brosnan’s son and the man from Freddy Got Fingered? Um, yes.

Britney Spears had been rumoured to be playing the Virgin Mary in upcoming comedy Sweet Baby Jesus – a movie which will cause us to parade around naked in public playing the trombone if it doesn’t go direct to DVD. But don’t worry too much, Britney fans – rather than risk offending your Christian sensibilities again, Britney Spears has dropped out of the movie for good. The Daily Star reports:

Film producer Philippe Rebboah said: “Britney read the script and really liked it. She really wanted to play the role of Mary. But people were against it and she was pressured. Then she ran into trouble with her family so we decided the timing wasn’t right.”

It’s probably for the best that Britney Spears won’t be playing the Virgin Mary any time soon. After all, not only would the deliberately controversial role have alienated her core fans, but Britney Spears isn’t even christian any more, is she? At last count she was still a little bit Kabbalah-y, and therefore should only make films that mock pivotal figures in the Kabbalah faith. So Madonna, then. Or… no, just Madonna.

Besides, Britney Spears would have made a terrible Virgin Mary. Remember that the Virgin Mary was a pregnant teenager who doesn’t seem to be able to get a handle on how pregnancy works and sometimes appears to doubt the fatherhood of her own baby.

Jamie Lynn Spears would have been so much more suitable.

Does anybody out there love Lindsay Lohan?

Does anybody out there love Ugly Betty and Lindsay Lohan?

Well, if the answer to all three is yes, then brace your bladders for this piece of news: Lindsay Lohan is reportedly going to star in…Ugly Betty!

However, if any of you out there don’t love Ugly Betty or Lindsay Lohan then, seriously, stop reading now, because the boredom you may experience from the rest of this post could be crippling.

Rumours of Lindsay appearing in the show have been rife for literally days now. ‘Did you hear that Lindsay Lohan might be in Ugly Betty soon?’ hecklerspray overheard someone said about a week ago.

A few days later we heard someone asking someone else ‘Is it really true that Lindsay Lohan might be on Ugly Betty soon?’ before that someone else replied to that someone ‘I have no idea, I wonder if it is true that Lindsay Lohan will indeed be appearing on Ugly Betty soon.’

Well, it’s time for all those people to shut up and worry about something else, because Lindsay Lohan was spotted on the set of the sitcom in LA yesterday.

It is reported that she will feature in the show’s season finale, which airs on May 22. However, details about the part she will play are scarce.

Rumour has it that she is going to play a former high school friend of Betty that used to bully her when they were younger.

Is it true that Lindsay Lohan is going to star in Ugly Betty as Betty’s old friend who used to bully her?

We don’t know, it’s still a rumour, talking about it won’t achieve anything, just wait and see.

According to Variety.com, the actress, famed for getting drunk, driving drunk and occasionally getting her baps and chuff out (and singing and acting) will also appear in five more episodes of the upcoming season.

Whereas TVGuide.com claimed that Lohan could in fact be lined up for as many as eight episodes of the upcoming season. Eight! Fucking hell!

Lindsay will join such luminaries as Victoria Beckham and Naomi Campbell in making an appearance on the show.

If you’re interested to find out more about Victoria and Naomi’s appearances, try looking somewhere else.

Read More – Lindsay Lohan Spotted On The Set Of ‘Ugly Betty’ – eFluxMedia

Yup, that Hilary Duff’s a hot piece of property at the moment, or at least she would be if we could work out what the point of her was. You know what Hilary Duff would be great in? A creatively-bankrupt revisiting of a TV series that everyone stopped liking about 18 months into its 10-year run almost 20 years ago.

What’s that? There’s a part going spare in the new Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off? Well that’s certainly very fortunate for both Hilary Duff and Beverly Hills 90210. Not so much for us, though – we think Beverly Hills 90210 is going to be shit and that Hilary Duff’s a wanker.

It’s probably easiest to think of Hilary Duff as a kind of proto Miley Cyrus, albeit one who didn’t tit around topless like an underage whore so much. Hilary Duff had the hit TV show, the CDs and the creepy murder-fetish stalker.

Trouble is, though, Hilary Duff is now 20, and in dog years that’s 93. Fortunately Hilary Duff isn’t a dog, so this isn’t relevant. But, unfortunately, one dog year is roughly equal to one washed-up tween hag year, and Hilary Duff is one of those. What’s a girl to do?

Well, Hilary Duff could continue churning out Lizzie McGuire shows and movies until she’s visibly middle-aged and not the least bit convincing (known in the trade as ‘pulling a Sabrina The Teenage Witch), but she won’t do that.

Otherwise Hilary Duff could rely on her newly-official sexiness to open up a few doors, but that tactic’s hampered by the fact that the only people who find Hilary Duff sexy are Austrian men who lock their children in the cellar and have sex with them.

So it’s just as well that the new Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off might have Hilary in its sights. Fox reports:

According to E! sources, Duff’s potential character is called Annie Mills. Annie is a Beverly Hills High student who is into theater acting, just like Shannen Doherty’s character, Brenda, was on the original show. She yearns to fit in with the alternative crowd and leans a lot on her adopted brother, Dixon. Both Duff’s publicist and The CW, which is expected to debut the “Beverly Hills” spin-off this fall, had no comment, according to the New York Daily News.

Why, that sounds delightful. But maybe Hilary Duff really is the thing that the new Beverly Hills 90210 needs – after all, hasn’t she always seemed destined to star in a show that looks dated within six weeks of filming and is only remembered by anyone so that non-Americans have a postcode to use when they want to access US-only stuff on the internet? Plus we shouldn’t forget that a big star like Hilary Duff will bring a huge audience to the show.

An audience of paedophiles, admittedly, but who’s counting?

Read more:

Report: Hilary Duff Offered Starring Role in ‘90210′ Remake – Fox

However, there is another solution to the question. You see, Katie Price has two names. We’d like to point out that she’s not schizophrenic and doesn’t pick between Jordan and Kate Price depending on if its warm enough to strap on a bikini.

In the early days (aka – the nineties) when she had the body for it, Jordon would get her boobies out for men’s magazines across the land. But they weren’t just any set of knockers. They were mega melons! As big as your head and the weight of seven small puppies.

Then Jordan grew up. Married a dire popstar and wanted people to call her by her real name to be taken more seriously. This approach has landed her a film role. And no, it’s not porn related!

For a glamour model, we do oddly enough believe that Katie Price is one of the only tit-baring ladies that grace the papers to have made a proper career.

Most married men and all women know that eventually, plump and well-rounded breasts don’t last forever. Eventually, things go south, saggy and really horrible to look at. After having more surgery on her tits then Michael Jackson has had on his wonky face, she is apparently happy with them after cracking out a few stupidly-named children.

But what’s a girl to do when your career path is over? After handing the baton over to apparently sexy females such as Megan Fox, she did what any other self-respecting fame-grabbing person would do: Sell out big style and not stop until the whole world knows about you.

We know everything about her and sodden Peter Andre’s spicy sex love secrets and her endless shock stories about her struggle with motherhood. God bless the trashy world of women’s magazine literature.

Despite having a car crash reality TV show which shows us the wacky goings on of the family, this isn’t enough for Katie Price. Like an out-of-control monster, she wants to gobble up as much as she can and become the biggest media whore known to man.

She’s kind of done that in the UK and has now set her beady eyes to Hollywood: The home of botox, shattered dreams and never ending sense of guilt.

According to a deluded source:

“It’s a very good time to be British in Hollywood and you can’t fail to notice Jordan.”

That’s quote couldn’t be more true. Not only does Jordon resemble the middle colour in a set of traffic lights, but her ample chest may also help. It’s an unwritten rule of the world that the bigger the boob, the better opportunity get.

It’s just a shame the producers haven’t seen her appearance on I’m A Celebrity or tried to get their eyes round some of her books.

Still they want her to take part in the making of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark and play a vampire. Quite an odd roll to star as for your first Hollywood job, but it will suit Katie Price. She is quite good at sucking the life out of any opportunity.

Read More – Katie Price ‘to star in vampire movie’ – Digital Spy

The man responsible for some of the decade’s greatest television has teamed up with the creators of the decade’s greatest computer game, in what has been described by one man as ‘a slightly interesting event – I’ll probably have a look’.

Ricky will appear as himself, performing three minutes of new material, as well as some jokes from his recent Fame tour, in the Liberty City Comedy Club.

Make no mistake about it, that’s a tough crowd – one poorly-timed dance routine and Ricky could soon find himself on the receiving end of the old ‘rocket up the arse’ heckle.

And once they reveal the ‘get all weapons’ cheat, well, it’s gonna be some kind of therapy-heaven for all those lost-souls that didn’t quite get The Office.

You know who you are – the ones of you who say Two Pints Of Lager is a brilliant sitcom (they really exist, you know) and who ask questions like ‘who’s better; Sasha Baron-Cohen or Avid Merrion?’

To these imbeciles we say: why not watch this instead? It’s far more up your street.

Ricky said:

“It’s a first – which always interests me. It’s seriously a big deal, though. Games have outsold Hollywood for the past few years, so it’s nice to be a small part of that. It was shot in New York, and I got to wear a tight lycra suit as part of the digital process. That wasn’t so good.”

Gervais also told Shortlist magazine that he appears elsewhere in the game too, but refused to say where.

The refreshing human being is currently directing his first film, about a world where there is no human gene for lying, as well as keeping us up to date with his attempts to get a certain fucking orange-headed friend out of podcast retirement.

Read it here.

Read More – Grand Theft Auto IV Stars Ricky Gervais – Telegraph

Just look at Nicole Richie, for example. For some logic-defying reason, she's currently weighing up an offer to star as Roxie Hart in the Broadway version of Chicago.

It'd be awfully presumptuous of us to try and second-guess what issues Nicole Richie is weighing up exactly, but we're willing to bet that they include rehearsal schedules, being able to spend time with her new baby and the fact that if she was any less talented at anything other than forgetting to eat she'd be legally reclassified as vegetation.

We might be stretching it a bit here, but it looks a lot like Nicole Richie has the beginnings of a Brooke Shields infatuation. Look at the evidence – Brooke Shields had a baby and Nicole Richie had a baby. Brooke Shields infuriated Tom Cruise and Nicole Richie infuriated Tom Cruise by driving backwards up a motorway and not crashing, thereby depriving him of being in a situation that only he can handle. And, crucially, Brooke Shields has been in Chicago.

Actually, come to think of it, that's a rubbish excuse for an infatuation. That'd be like suggesting that Nicole Richie had an infatuation for Kelly Osbourne or Claire Sweeney, when everyone knows that the closest anyone's ever come to being infatuated with Claire Sweeney is her own mother, and even then things peaked with mild, distant affection.

Anyway, we're missing our own point here. Our point is that Nicole Richie – a woman with no discernible skills other than being quite skinny and driving like a drug-addled bastard – is apparently entertaining the idea of starring in Chicago. The Daily Dish reports:

Reality TV star Nicole Richie reportedly is set to relaunch her post-pregnancy career by taking to the Broadway stage and starring in the hit musical "Chicago." Richie, who gave birth to daughter Harlow last month, is tipped to follow in the footsteps of Ashlee Simpson, Brooke Shields and Renee Zellweger as the latest big name Roxie Hart in the show… An insider tells Us Weekly magazine, "Nicole's definitely interested and is weighing it out."

Weird to think that the Chicago producers want to cast Nicole Richie when there are other young women with more music and acting experience out there. We're basically talking about Paris Hilton.

But let's not dismiss Nicole Richie's Chicago role before she's even accepted it. Needless to say the role of Roxie Hart will need to be subtly recalibrated to suit Nicole Richie's strengths – but so long as the audience accepts a Roxie Hart who, rather than being a calculating convict responsible for belting out showstoppers like All That Jazz and Funny Honey, is a scrawny fool who bumbles about and sings a song called OMG, Paris Is Such A Bitch, we're sure Nicole will do fine.

And if not she can always get a role as a prison cell bar.

Read more:

Richie Set For Broadway? – Daily Dish 

And that's because William Shatner won't be in the new Star Trek movie. Although he was rumoured to have a cameo in the movie alongside Leonard Nimoy, William Shatner has revealed that meetings with the new Star Trek director JJ Abrams were unsuccessful and the movie will go ahead sans Shatner. And now William Shatner can't stop bitching about the Star Trek snub. But can you blame him? After all, we'd be bitter if our derided egomaniacal role in a TV show that hasn't been made for almost 40 years wasn't reprised in a movie that's set several years before the TV show we starred in 40 years ago, too. Or something. Oh look, we've confused ourselves now.

If everything goes to plan, the new Star Trek movie will start shooting this week. And a lot of people are finding it very exciting, mainly thanks to the involvement of JJ Abrams – the man behind Lost and the person you need to blame when you realise that all the Klingons in the new movie have been replaced with polar bears and angry wafts of smoke. JJ Abrams has put an interesting cast together for his new Star Trek movie – the baddie from Heroes will be Spock and an unknown actor will be Captain Kirk and Eric Bana will be the villain, which all sounds good, but Scotty will be played by Simon Pegg and Sulu by John Cho from Harold And Kumar Get The Munchies, which makes us worry that JJ Abrams wants to turn Star Trek into some kind of red-font stoner comedy.

But one person who won't get to be in the new Star Trek is William Shatner, a man who has possibly given more to Star Trek than anyone else over the years. He was in the Star Trek TV series, the Star Trek animated series, seven Star Trek films (included one he directed), four Star Trek videogames and has written nine Star Trek books. William Shatner is so dedicated to Star Trek that he's even able to piss out dilithium crystals at will. But meetings with JJ Abrams haven't gone well and the rumoured Star Trek cameo from William Shatner isn't going to happen any more, as the Associated Press reports:

The original Capt. Kirk is disheartened he won't get to boldly go anywhere with his old pal Spock in the new "Star Trek" movie. While Leonard Nimoy is reprising his role as the pointy-eared Vulcan in next year's science-fiction flick, William Shatner is not on board as Kirk. "I couldn't believe it. I'm not in the movie at all. Leonard, God bless his heart, is in, but not me," Shatner, 76, told The Associated Press on Thursday. "I thought, what a decision to make, since it obviously is a decision not to make use of the popularity I have to ensure the movie has good box office. It didn't seem to be a wise business decision."

Maybe it was a clash of egos that kept William Shatner from getting a role on Star Trek, or maybe science hasn't advanced enough to build the gargantuan man-corset Shatner would need to squeeze into his Starfleet uniform again. We just don't know – all we know is that William Shatner will be nowhere to be seem when Star Trek is released next Christmas.

Maybe it's for the best, though. After all, if William Shatner can't get a role on Star Trek then none of the other original cast members are likely to get a shot either. And, if nothing else, at that will save people the hassle of trying to get Scotty's ashes down from that mountain again.  

Read more:

Shatner's Kirk Not Aboard For New Trek - Associated Press