Rodrigo - HecklerSpray

Big Brother Final! Who’s Going To Win? Dogface? Oh, Right

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Tonight’s the big night! After approximately most of our entire life, this series of Big Brother will end tonight.

We jest – in all seriousness Big Brother has actually had one of the best years on record. But nobody cares, because hardly anyone watched it and it’s dying soon anyway so what’s the point? Huh? What’s the bloody point point of anything any more?

Anyway, which of the remaining Big Brother housemates will end up winning the prize money, releasing a fitness DVD and embarking on a disastrous pop career? Time to have one final look, we suppose…

Big Brother: Hira’s Gone. Remember Hira?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

So on Friday, Lisa was the housemate officially least likely to win Big Brother, and all of Davina McCall’s links were rendered inaudible by mob chanting “Get Lisa out!”

So, naturally, Hira was evicted. Poor Hira, a victim of Big Brother‘s ‘vote to save’ policy last week. Still, we’ll remember you Hira. That was your name, right? Hira? We can’t really mentally place your face, but if you come up to us and tell us your name, there’s about a 50% likelihood that we’ll remember you.

Anyway, onto the Big Brother housemates who’ve caught our eye this week – Dogface, Halfwit and Rodrigo…

Big Brother: Tom Effs Off

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Thanks to Kenneth rubberstamping his tossishness by legging it over a wall last week, there wasn’t a Big Brother eviction on Friday.

But there’s still one less Big Brother housemate than there was on Friday morning, and that’s all thanks to Tom. Tom – who you may recognise as the muscular posho who periodically thought he was Maxwell from Big Brother 2005 – also left the Big Brother house this weekend because – oh, actually, who cares? He was rubbish anyway.

Instead of profiling the housemates who’ve caught our eye this week, we’re actually going to look at some of the loose Big Brother couples today. Exciting…

Big Brother: Sree Gets Evicted, So Maybe There Really Is A God

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

So here’s the good news – on Friday Sree was evicted from Big Brother, ridding us of one the most annoying characters in years.

Now here’s the bad news – on Friday Sree was evicted from Big Brother, ridding us of any more conflict and therefore any more interest and therefore any more point of watching Big Brother. No, wait, not having to watch Big Brother is good news, not bad news. It’s a win-win. This calls for cocktails.

Anyway, here are the Big Brother housemates who’ve caught our eye this week…

Big Brother: This Year’s Collection Of Awful Wazzocks

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

First the facts. This is Big Brother’s tenth anniversary, and the fifth anniversary of us writing about it. We don’t know which is worse.

Nevertheless, the new series of Big Brother kicked off last night, which means that from now until let’s say the end of actual time itself, we’re going to have to watch hour after of hour of preening turdbaskets discussing nothing using a subnormal vocabulary. And we’ll be with you every ghastly step of the way.

But first we should probably introduce ourselves to the newest batch of Big Brother housemates, shouldn’t we? Fair enough, then…