Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
That Axl Rose is a nice, reasonable, not completely batpiss mental fella isn’t he? No, you might think that all the business with bullying the behatted Slash was all a bit much, but really, wouldn’t you pick on a berk from Stoke who looked like that?
Course you would.
Naturally, what with Axl being absolutely misunderstood, former Guns N’ Roses members aren’t looking forward to the group’s induction at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They think kitten Axl is going to spoil it all in some way.
The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame is, as everyone knows, a hallowed place reserved only for those who rock the hardest.
You know, like Abba. And Genesis. Those cats are responsible for more melted speakers and blown minds than you could ever hope to count. Why, remember the time when Phil Collins bit the head off a Yorkshire terrier during the second chorus of I Can’t Dance onstage that time? Or when the beardy one out of Abba broke away from the middle eight of Dancing Queen to carve the word ‘HATE’ into his bare chest with a broken jam jar?
That’s why both Genesis and Abba will be inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame next year. And that’s why KISS won’t be, the cat-faced bellends.
People, get ready for four full months of nerve-shredding anticipation – the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame inductees have been announced.
And are we ever excited. In just 79 short days we’ll get to see the likes of Run-DMC, Metallica and Bobby Womac get inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame – literally the place to be if you’re a fan of both brain-aching corporate bureaucracy and the sight of people old enough to be your grandparents unironically dressed up like teenagers and looking a bit confused.
We can’t wait. We literally can’t wait. Oh, no, our mistake. We can wait. Sorry.
It’s our favourite time of the year – the time when the shortlisted nominees for next year’s induction to the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame are announced.
Why is it our favourite time of the year? Because we know that from hereon in, it’s going to be a whistlestop pedal-to-the-metal seven-month funride until the bands eventually chosen to go into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame get properly inducted. Seven months. Seven poxy months that we’ll never get back. Fun.
So who could be going into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame next year? Why only Run-DMC, Metallica, The Stooges, Jeff Beck, Wanda Jackson, Chic, Little Anthony And The Imperials, Bobby Womack and War. That’s War the concept of organised military disputes between feuding nations and not War the 1970s jazz-funk fusion band responsible for hits like Why Can’t We Be Friends, by the way. That struck us as weird, too.
Madonna might not be rock, or especially roll, but she is fame – and one in three's all you need to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame these days.
Last night, Madonna was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame along with other young upstarts like The Dave Clark Five, John Mellencamp, Leonard Cohen, The Ventures and Little Walter. But Madonna was the real Rock and Roll Hall of Fame headline-grabber, because she's one of the only inductees ever to still be as iconic and popular and relevant as ever at the time of her induction.
So, yeah, Madonna's got all the money and fame and influence and spots in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but can she say she's the 45th most powerful blog in the world according to a Sunday newspaper? No. No she cannot.
Although the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame is really nothing more than a cruel procession of semi-forgotten acts looking back at a time when their hands didn't resemble gnarled vulture claws, it's still nice to be asked.
So Madonna must be feeling rather spiffy jazzed today, because the final line-up of bands to be inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame next year has just been announced and she's on it, along with Leonard Cohen, The Dave Clark Five, John Mellencamp and The Ventures. Come next March, all of these acts will have to trudge down to Cleveland where they'll all be frozen in carbonite like Han Solo and stored away in the bowels of a vast warehouse forever alongside the likes of Little Richard and The Doors, never to make another note of music again.
That's what we want you to tell Madonna if she asks, anyway. OK?
