Criminals are a cute and cuddly bunch, aren’t they? If they’re not pinching your wallet in an adorable fashion, they’re usually bludgeoning your head in.
That’s why we’ve compiled a list of our favourite charmers of the criminal underworld. Partly because we love you so much, partly because it ties in nicely with the release of Fatbelly: Chopper…Unchopped, a documentary about Mark ‘Chopper’ Read, available from August 2 on DVD.
Enough with the shameless advertising, you say? You’re here to read about the most Dick Dastardly delinquents of the criminal underworld; the type of moustache twirling charmers that manage to pinch a penny by sheer bravado. Well you’re in luck… after the jump.
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It was a straight battle of the heroes in this week’s weekend box office. In one corner there was Iron Man.
In the other, Robin Hood. In the other, if we’re being thorough, there’s the Amanda Seyfried character from that new film about letter-writing that looks like it’ll be a load of old bollocks. Who’ll come out on top? Why, Iron Man of course.
It goes without saying that Iron Man 2 beat both Robin Hood and Letters To Juliet at the US weekend box office this week. After all, Iron Man is a flying robot playboy who can shoot lasers out of his hands. And, you know, Robin Hood is a fat bloke with an unspecified regional accent who kills people with little bits of wood and then splodges around in some mud. And Amanda Seyfried is just annoying, obviously.
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In true Robin Hood spirit, Ridley Scott has taken £237million from various rich people to make a very poor movie.
Robin Hood? More like Rotten Hood.
Rotten acting, rotten script, rotten idea, very rotten accents.
In fact, Robin Hood is so bad, I have to confess I did something in a cinema that I have not done for a very long time. No, not that! Or that! And that’s just sick! No, I am talking about falling asleep. Yep, while Russell Crowe was busy cutting chunks out of British history, I was happily snoring away and was only awoken by some French woman angrily jabbing me in the chest with one of her Gitanes. In fact, I missed about 45 minutes, which, for all I know, could have been the most gripping three-quarters of an hour of cinema ever made.
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This week in cool and crud.
Folded:
Creased:
The latest from Sherwood Forest is that there is a God.
Back in September we reported that Russell Crowe was set to play both Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham in Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood. Think Lindsay Lohan in Parent Trap with facial hair and a few hundred extra pounds.
However, according to an update on the IMDB Russell Crowe is sticking to one role. He is donning a pair of spanx and is playing Robin Hood. The Sheriff of Nottingham is rumoured to be played by Matthew Macfadyen of Pride and Prejudice remake fame.
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News about Nottingham – Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood story, not the horrible East Midlands town – has been a bit all over the shop lately.
First Nottingham was going to star Russell Crowe as a good Sheriff of Nottingham who had to battle the evil Robin Hood, then it wasn’t going to be made at all, but now it’s back on – and it’s got completely weird. Apparently in the new Nottingham, Russell Crowe is going to play the Sheriff of Nottingham and Robin Hood.
Not in a good way, either. In Nottingham, Russell Crowe’s character will be both the Sheriff of Nottingham and Robin Hood – news which will be profoundly disappointing to all of us hoping that Nottingham would feature a Double Impact-style scene where two identical Russell Crowes have a kung-fu fight with telephones in the woods in 12th Century England.
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Criminals are a cute and cuddly bunch, aren’t they? If they’re not pinching your wallet in an adorable fashion, they’re usually bludgeoning your head in. 
