Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Now that The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is ready to hit theaters in mid December and we're all excited (or indifferent, if you're some kind asshole) about returning to Middle-earth again only three questions remain to the intelligent moviegoer:
1. Has Robert Plant seen any of the Lord Of The Rings movies yet?
2. If so, what did he think of them?
3. Does he want to see The Hobbit?
You know how some people say that the Grammys only exist to cater for a smug, greying establishment?
Well they’re wrong. Last night, the big winner at the Grammys was… oh. Alright, maybe the Grammys do cater for a smug, greying establishment, otherwise Robert Plant and Alison Krauss wouldn’t have won so many awards for their fiddle-di-dee bluegrass album Raising Sand.
But they did, so congratulations to Robert Plant. We don’t know how Robert will celebrate his Grammy win but, from the look of him, we’d assume that it’ll involve a moustachioed circus ringmaster holding a whip and a chair.
British people, it’s time to celebrate – the world’s smuggest, dreariest, most interminable music awards show likes our music!
Some of the nominations for next year’s Grammys have been announced, and British names like Robert Plant, Adele, Duffy, MIA and Radiohead are all over them. Now we’re not saying that this is because 2008 was a bad year for music, but Coldplay did get seven nominations, so we suppose in retrospect we are a bit.
And this is just the start – next year the rest of the Grammy nominations are announced, including Best Native American Music Album. Come on Coldplay! Make it eight!
Since their reunion last year, the planet has been clamouring for Led Zeppelin to keep it going and take a tour around the world.
And Led Zeppelin listen to their fans, which is why – at long last – the Led Zeppelin world tour has finally been announced. Imagine that – Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, John Paul Jones and John Bonham, all together again at last to smash through their hits for millions of fans around the planet. Except for John Bonham and Robert Plant, anyway – one’s dead and one can’t really be bothered.
But nevertheless, the two other members of Led Zeppelin are going on tour anyway, and they’re hiring a stand-in singer to take Robert Plant’s place. By our calculations, this means that in terms of quality the Plantless Led Zeppelin tour will fall somewhere between their Live Aid set with Phil Collins and that weird Olympic thing that Jimmy Page did with Leona Lewis. Talk about a win-win!
Ooh, can you feel the nerves building yet? The Mercury Music Prize takes place tonight – the nation’s foremost music prize where the judges will pick a winner based on how cool it’ll make them look rather than actual quality of music.
Yesterday, we looked at the first half of nominees, including the wonky-dancing Estelle and the brilliantly bonkers British Sea Power. With another six albums to pick from, we’re glad that the job hasn’t been given to us to pick a winner. We’d just get in a flap and end up throwing a dart at the various records. That is how the Pope is picked isn’t it? Anyways, here are the rest of the nominations for this year’s prize…
Nobody wants to hear the old hits when a band reforms – they want to hear an album of new songs, all written by some millionaire pensioners.
Better still, they want that album to feature the guitarist, the bassist and the dead drummer’s son with no singer in sight, right? Because nothing rocks harder than an album of instrumentals containing lengthy bass solos as performed by some painfully old men. Right?
Good, because that seems to be what Led Zeppelin are cooking up. It must be true, because the dead drummer’s son said so.
If you were one of the 36 trillion people who tried to get tickets to see the Led Zeppelin comeback show last year, fret not.
That's because Jimmy Page has personally assured the public that Led Zeppelin will definitely tour the world really soon. The whole world. All of it. Even crap countries like Denmark.
And by that we mean that Jimmy Page has mumbled a couple of noncommittal words about Led Zeppelin eventually going on some sort of tour, but not for ages and actually he's not even going to think about it for six months anyway, but that's pretty much the same thing.
Bad news for the six or seven billion people who tried to get tickets for Led Zeppelin's comeback concert at the O2 in London on Monday night – that was pretty much your only chance.
Such was the anticipation of Led Zeppelin's comeback that they could have just dicked around on a massive piano like Tom Hanks in Big and broadsheet music reviewers would have jizzed themselves silly, but the chances of Led Zeppelin taking the show on the road have been ruined thanks to Robert Plant suddenly announcing a tour next year with Alison Krauss. But Zeppelin fans shouldn't get too downhearted – to make up for it, The Cheeky Girls have decided to go on a Led Zeppelin-themed world stadium tour where they'll perform hits like Ramble On (Touch My Bum), Dazed And Confused (Touch My Bum) and, of course, a largely-improvised 45-minute version of How Many More Times (Touch My Bum).
