Articles tagged with: Robert Pattinson
Kristen Stewart Jumps On The Woeful Haircut Bandwagon
Dakota Fanning: if you're reading this, run. Really, run. Run. It's infectious. Get out now before it gets you too. Swine flu? No, this is much more dangerous. We're talking about the pandemic of bewilderingly awful haircuts sweeping through the New Moon cast. Robert Pattinson we already knew about - but we could deal with his terrible haircut because it was an isolated case, plus there's a chance that he's being ironic or suffers from self-loathing or something. But now Kristen Stewart has done it too - her new haircut is half tatty scarecrow mullet and half barely-alive lawnmower-mangled crow. It's harrowing.
Dakota Fanning: if you're reading this, run. Really, run. Run. It's infectious. Get out now before it gets you too. Swine flu? No, this is much more dangerous. We're talking about the pandemic of bewilderingly awful haircuts sweeping through the New Moon cast. Robert Pattinson we already knew about - but we could deal with his terrible haircut because it was an isolated case, plus there's a chance that he's being ironic or suffers from self-loathing or something. But now Kristen Stewart has done it too - her new haircut is half tatty scarecrow mullet and half barely-alive lawnmower-mangled crow. It's harrowing.
Are Robert Pattinson & Megan Fox Doing The Secret Boinky-Boink?
He's the world's most desired man. She's the world's sexiest woman. Together they have the combined IQ of, say, a silly goose. We're talking about Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox. Or, if the rumours are to be believed, Frobox. Those are the rumours that Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox are secretly dating on the sly, which would necessitate the invention of an irritating singular compound brand based on their individual names. But wait - did we just say that Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox are secretly dating? WOW! Imagine the babies they'll have - they'll be so cute! And also preposterously dim!
He's the world's most desired man. She's the world's sexiest woman. Together they have the combined IQ of, say, a silly goose. We're talking about Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox. Or, if the rumours are to be believed, Frobox. Those are the rumours that Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox are secretly dating on the sly, which would necessitate the invention of an irritating singular compound brand based on their individual names. But wait - did we just say that Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox are secretly dating? WOW! Imagine the babies they'll have - they'll be so cute! And also preposterously dim!
Robert Pattinson Set To Ruin More Films, This Time Involving Dead Singers
When looking for someone to act as the once-prodigious, now-dead Jeff Buckley why not go for talent on the level of Robert Pattinson? After all, he is an actor lacking any discernable passion, he is attractive in a thoroughly mediocre way and he's generally a bit crap. It's a perfect fit for the lead role in the still-vaunted biopic of Jeff Buckley. Especially if Pattinson is into method acting and decides to do his own stunts. In the drowning scene. Too harsh?
When looking for someone to act as the once-prodigious, now-dead Jeff Buckley why not go for talent on the level of Robert Pattinson? After all, he is an actor lacking any discernable passion, he is attractive in a thoroughly mediocre way and he's generally a bit crap. It's a perfect fit for the lead role in the still-vaunted biopic of Jeff Buckley. Especially if Pattinson is into method acting and decides to do his own stunts. In the drowning scene. Too harsh?
Shock! Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart Literally Eat Some Food!
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have something of a 'will they, won't they?' relationship. That much is clear to see. By which we obviously mean 'will they or won't they find any form of meaningful acting work once they've finished starring in those terrible Twilight films?' To which the answer, in all honesty, is 'probably not, no'. But until we can find a definitive answer to that, let's just arbitrarily speculate on whether or not Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are doing it with each other. They both ate dinner alone together on Sunday, you know. Which definitely proves, um, something.
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have something of a 'will they, won't they?' relationship. That much is clear to see. By which we obviously mean 'will they or won't they find any form of meaningful acting work once they've finished starring in those terrible Twilight films?' To which the answer, in all honesty, is 'probably not, no'. But until we can find a definitive answer to that, let's just arbitrarily speculate on whether or not Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are doing it with each other. They both ate dinner alone together on Sunday, you know. Which definitely proves, um, something.
There’s A New Moon Trailer! We Can’t Breathe! SQUEEEEEE!
We now bring you the biggest news of this, or perhaps any, century. There. Is. A. New. Moon. Trailer. THERE IS A NEW MOON TRAILER! Perhaps you didn't understand us. There's a New Moon trailer and it's on the internet and we've got it here! It's literally everything we wanted it to be, because Robert Pattinson's in it and he looks dreamy and a man changes into a wolf and we want to marry it FOREVER. We're exaggerating. But the New Moon trailer is everything we wanted it to be. It's quite short. That's all we wanted it to be.
We now bring you the biggest news of this, or perhaps any, century. There. Is. A. New. Moon. Trailer. THERE IS A NEW MOON TRAILER! Perhaps you didn't understand us. There's a New Moon trailer and it's on the internet and we've got it here! It's literally everything we wanted it to be, because Robert Pattinson's in it and he looks dreamy and a man changes into a wolf and we want to marry it FOREVER. We're exaggerating. But the New Moon trailer is everything we wanted it to be. It's quite short. That's all we wanted it to be.
Robert Pattinson Goes Topless, World Drowns In Adolescent Urine
In New Moon, Robert Pattinson only appears in Kristen Stewart's mind. Turns out she's a right old chuffing pervert, too. Why? Because some paparazzi photos have emerged from the New Moon set, showing Robert Pattinson topless and strutting around with a six pack that's as impressive as it is obviously painted on. So Robert Pattinson is topless in New Moon. Big deal - all the teenage girls were already going to see it 25 times regardless of how many Robert Pattinson nipples are on display. What about including something for the boys instead, like sleeping pills or an entirely different film? Huh?
In New Moon, Robert Pattinson only appears in Kristen Stewart's mind. Turns out she's a right old chuffing pervert, too. Why? Because some paparazzi photos have emerged from the New Moon set, showing Robert Pattinson topless and strutting around with a six pack that's as impressive as it is obviously painted on. So Robert Pattinson is topless in New Moon. Big deal - all the teenage girls were already going to see it 25 times regardless of how many Robert Pattinson nipples are on display. What about including something for the boys instead, like sleeping pills or an entirely different film? Huh?
Watch the How To Be Trailer. Be Somebody!
Life can be a bitch when you're a nobody... But it's not your fault. How to Be is the dysfunctional tale of adolescent life in London: Young Art is a failing musician with an ironic haircut and no talent whatsoever. His girlfriend dumps him and he's forced to move back home to think on his pathetic existence, when suddenly, a cheque for five thousand pounds comes his way. Instead of spending it on cocaine and guitars (like any normal musician), he employs a wacky self-help guru called Dr. Ellington (Powell Jones) after reading his book.
Life can be a bitch when you're a nobody... But it's not your fault. How to Be is the dysfunctional tale of adolescent life in London: Young Art is a failing musician with an ironic haircut and no talent whatsoever. His girlfriend dumps him and he's forced to move back home to think on his pathetic existence, when suddenly, a cheque for five thousand pounds comes his way. Instead of spending it on cocaine and guitars (like any normal musician), he employs a wacky self-help guru called Dr. Ellington (Powell Jones) after reading his book.
Robert Pattinson To Keep Making Twilight Films Forever (Sort Of)
You know Robert Pattinson? You know how he stars in Twilight? And how he'll be starring in Twilight 2 and Twilight 3 soon? Well hold onto your hats because we've got some incredibly unexpected news for you. Get ready - Robert Pattinson is going to star in Twilight 4. We know! We were surprised, too! We also have bad news - Robert Pattinson is the only star to agree to Twilight 4, so Ricky Martin will play Jacob Black, the wolf pack will be played by three homeless men who've been painted orange and Kristen Stewart will be portrayed by a horse in a top hat.
You know Robert Pattinson? You know how he stars in Twilight? And how he'll be starring in Twilight 2 and Twilight 3 soon? Well hold onto your hats because we've got some incredibly unexpected news for you. Get ready - Robert Pattinson is going to star in Twilight 4. We know! We were surprised, too! We also have bad news - Robert Pattinson is the only star to agree to Twilight 4, so Ricky Martin will play Jacob Black, the wolf pack will be played by three homeless men who've been painted orange and Kristen Stewart will be portrayed by a horse in a top hat.
