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Robert Pattinson

It Looks Like Kristen Stewart Has Dumped Robert Pattinson, Presumably For Having A Boring, Glittery Member

by Mof Gimmers

One of these days, Kristen Stewart will pull a convincing smile. One of these days, Robert Pattinson will pull a convincing face. Seriously, he’s *that close* to showing a sign of expression. We all keenly await it like people staring at someone due out of a coma. Well, the pair of them may have privately [...]

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Christina Ricci Says Boring Robert Pattinson Is A Good Kisser When He Gets Nude

by Mof Gimmers

Fans of Robert Pattinson need no encouragement when it comes to sighing wistfully about ol’ mono-chops. They certainly don’t need anyone to provoke them into furious bouts of masturbation either. So the news that Pattinson is a good kisser will invariably see tweens all over the world sticking their hands down their knicker-fronts faster than [...]

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Robert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart Really Can’t Bear To Look At Each Other (May Result In Pre-Sick Water)

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson has clearly looked at some of Hollywood’s greats to get inspiration for his acting prowess. Take Tom Hanks for example. R-Patz has certainly looked at his career and thought ‘Yes! I want to be just like Wilson The Volleyball from Castaway!’ Pattinson has gone to great lengths to be so toweringly dull that, [...]

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Robert Pattinson – The Rapper

by Mof Gimmers

Imagine the most boring person in Hollywood. You’re probably thinking of glorified hat-stand, Robert Pattinson. Now, get this into your brains – once upon a time, R-Patz was a budding rapper. Just picture that. Pattinson in a sideward cap, rapping meekly about margarine, shopping for mops and driving at a reasonable speed. There may well [...]

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Robert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart Want More Sex Scenes

by Mof Gimmers

When you’re a terrible and boring actor, Hollywood has a couple of tricks up its sleeve to make you more interesting. The easy one is to put a cut on your lip. A cut on a blank face shows you’re troubled by a fight without having to resort to too much acting. Another trick, of [...]

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People’s Choice Awards 2011 Nominations Announced And It’s Twilight Heavy

by Mof Gimmers

The People’s Choice Awards are, no question, the most reflective awards ceremony of what people actually like. There’s no panel of sneering critics and judges to give some indie film the nod over That Thing Everyone On Earth Watched. It’s unashamedly populist, which of course, means that it is probably the best of the bunch. [...]

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Robert Pattinson Turns Down Burberry And Needs Director To Show Him How To Kiss Kristen Stewart

by Mof Gimmers

Twilight vampire-bore Robert Pattinson (Count Yawncular) is not very good at standing still with some nice clothes on. Nope. He’s a serious actor. He likes standing still and wearing nice clothes while pretending to be someone else. That doesn’t matter a jot to your screaming fans though, does it? You think he’s dreamier that Rip [...]

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Kristen Stewart Talks About New Twilight Movie And People Actually Die From Boredom

by Mof Gimmers

Brace yourselves kiddiekins, because Kristen Stewart has opened and closed her mouth and some words came lolloping out like clumsy, but ultimately very tedious vowel noises. Like someone drilling the road up half a mile away. Anyways, you screaming obsessives will no doubt be eager to hear what she has to say, regardless of how [...]

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Robert Pattinson So Boring That He Might Be Given An Oscar Just To See If He Does Something Vaguely Interesting

by Mof Gimmers

Watching Robert Pattinson at work is like watching a tortoise slowly chew a piece of old lettuce. Slow, methodical and containing the briefest glimpse of life. Of course, what puts Pattinson above tortoise status is his pretty, pretty face. And so exasperated is Hollywood by Pattinson and his shedful of boring is that they’re thinking [...]

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Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart And Justin Bieber In Bizarre Love Triangle

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are, once more, the most boring couple in celebrityville. That’s right. They’ve been holding hands and kissing and thinking about doing it missionary style again, which is terrible news for all of you simpletons who thought that, perhaps one day, you’d get the chance to look in his undercrackers. The [...]

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