HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

Robert Pattinson Wants To Release A Smelly Smelly Album

November 27th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Robert Pattinson, New Moon, Twilight, Robert Pattinson music, Robert Pattinson songsRobert Pattinson likes to succeed at everything he does, whether it’s acting or smelling like stale farts.

Or having stupid hair. Robert Pattinson excels at that. However, there’s one area of Robert Pattinson’s life that remains unfulfilled – his music. Sure, a song of his was included on the Twilight soundtrack, but that’s no mark of success – the soundtrack also included Linkin Park and two Paramore songs, so anyone who actually bought it deserves to have their brain kicked off.

So Robert Pattinson has devised a plan. He wants to release an album under an assumed name so it can stand on its own merits. Just one problem – that assumed name is going to be Edward Cullen (You Know, Off Twilight. The Handsome One. The Sparkly Vampire. Please Love Me). Probably.

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Robert Pattinson Wants A Chinny Duet With Will Young

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

So recently Robert Pattinson has admitted to acting on Valium, plus he’s just filmed a graphic gay sex scene.

But that’s hardly controversial. Sure, all the drugs and gay sex might alienate Robert Pattinson’s tweeny female fans, but not as much as the news that’s just emerged about him – Robert Pattinson wants to record a duet with chinny Will Young.

The implications of this duet are massive – leading particle scientists have declared that, should Robert Pattinson and Will Young ever collaborate on tape, the resulting charisma vacuum would likely tear a hole in the space/time continuum and destroy us all.

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