It’s painfully obvious to the entire world that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are together – but how together are they?
Really together. It looks like Kristen Stewart is so hopelessly in love with Robert Pattinson that she attended the premiere of his new film Remember Me. Just let that statement sink in – Kristen Stewart loves Robert Pattinson so much that she’s willing to sit all the way through one of his boring films from beginning to end, without leaving or deliberately falling asleep or picking at her fingernails and sighing loudly every time a character says something fatuous.
So congratulations Kristen Stewart. You love Robert Pattinson more than we do. Quite a lot more than we do. You sicko.
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Oh God, oh God, we can’t breathe. It’s true – Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are definitely a couple!
This is AMAZING! It means that Twilight is a REAL STORY! First Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart fall in love, then they have sex, the Kristen Stewart gets pregnant, then Robert Pattinson has to chew off Kristen Stewart’s vulva so the baby can come out, and then a load of sexy topless boy werewolves start fighting Robert Pattinson but it’s alright because in the end they totally all start kissing each other with tongues and then a rainbow comes out and we can DIE HAPPY! OH GOD THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
Or, for those of you who don’t like Twilight, a boy with crap hair has started going out with a girl with crap hair. And that’s it. Take your pick.
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Now that New Moon is an unqualified success, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart carry on doing what they love best.
And that’s schlepping around together looking genuinely miserable. This time, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have been seen together in New York, eating food and being outside and stuff. Oh, and possibly getting their bodyguards to stand in the way while they have a quick kiss.
So are Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart finally an item? Maybe the answer is yes. Maybe the answer is no. Maybe we’ll never find out for sure. And maybe one day we’ll get bored and stop asking. PS: that last one is patently never going to happen.
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We don’t know about you, but we wish that the events in Twilight and New Moon would happen in real life.
We wish we knew a topless werewolf. We wish the world was really full of vampires. We really wish that Robert Pattinson would dissolve as soon as he comes in contact with sunlight. But, more than anything, we wish that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were a real couple.
But, sadly, they’re not. Robert Pattinson has told Vanity Fair as much. Which means that they are. Unless they’ve broken up. But they haven’t. Probably. Unless they’re not. Clear?
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