Articles tagged with: Robert Pattinson
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart: Not A Couple (Unless They Are)
We don't know about you, but we wish that the events in Twilight and New Moon would happen in real life. We wish we knew a topless werewolf. We wish the world was really full of vampires. We really wish that Robert Pattinson would dissolve as soon as he comes in contact with sunlight. But, more than anything, we wish that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were a real couple. But, sadly, they're not. Robert Pattinson has told Vanity Fair as much. Which means that they are. Unless they've broken up. But they haven't. Probably. Unless they're not. Clear?
We don't know about you, but we wish that the events in Twilight and New Moon would happen in real life. We wish we knew a topless werewolf. We wish the world was really full of vampires. We really wish that Robert Pattinson would dissolve as soon as he comes in contact with sunlight. But, more than anything, we wish that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were a real couple. But, sadly, they're not. Robert Pattinson has told Vanity Fair as much. Which means that they are. Unless they've broken up. But they haven't. Probably. Unless they're not. Clear?
Oh For God’s Sake, It’s Another New Moon Trailer
New Moon won't be released for another month, but that's too long for us. We want New Moon to come out now! Why the sudden enthusiasm? Have we finally succumbed to the hype and decided that we'd actually enjoy New Moon? Since we're not fat little squealing 14-year-old girls, we'd have to say no. We actually want New Moon to come out now so that Summit can hurry up and start showing millions of poxy trailers for Eclipse all the bloody time instead. But until then we'll have to put with millions of New Moon trailers, the trillionth of which has just been released. After the jump!
New Moon won't be released for another month, but that's too long for us. We want New Moon to come out now! Why the sudden enthusiasm? Have we finally succumbed to the hype and decided that we'd actually enjoy New Moon? Since we're not fat little squealing 14-year-old girls, we'd have to say no. We actually want New Moon to come out now so that Summit can hurry up and start showing millions of poxy trailers for Eclipse all the bloody time instead. But until then we'll have to put with millions of New Moon trailers, the trillionth of which has just been released. After the jump!
Megan Fox Killed Off In Transformers 3?
Note to Megan Fox: Some people don't like being called Hitler - especially when they're your boss.
Apparently, in retaliation for her Hitler jibe, Michael Bay has decided to kill Megan Fox off in Transformers 3. If you ask us, he's gone light on Megan - after all, this is a man who would blow up a children's nursery if it got in between him and a badly conceptualised script.
Taylor Swift & Taylor Lautner: Smoochy Smooch Kiss Kiss?
Are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? Well, yes. Yes, there are probably several. But are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now who have the same first name and might possibly be dating than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? No. We mean, there might be. But we haven't checked. Seriously, what kind of joyless imbecile goes around finding couples who share a first name to see if they're more or less famous than other couples who share a first name? Not us, buddy. NOT US. Anyway, Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner might be dating. That was our point.
Are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? Well, yes. Yes, there are probably several. But are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now who have the same first name and might possibly be dating than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? No. We mean, there might be. But we haven't checked. Seriously, what kind of joyless imbecile goes around finding couples who share a first name to see if they're more or less famous than other couples who share a first name? Not us, buddy. NOT US. Anyway, Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner might be dating. That was our point.
Good News, Shrieking Idiots: Robert Pattinson Can’t Get A Date
Robert Pattinson might be one of the most famous haircuts in the world right now, but he still can't find a date. Don't get excited. That sentence probably needs a qualifier. Let's try this: Robert Pattinson still can't find a date... with anyone who isn't a witless honking teenage girl with bladder control problems, a rubbish haircut and a frankly dispiriting fixation with terrible films about vampires. So that's you ruled out, clearly. Anyway, it's apparently true. Robert Pattinson says he's having trouble in the love department. He's working on it, but first he needs to fix his problems in the haircut, acting range and charisma departments. It's good to prioritise.
Robert Pattinson might be one of the most famous haircuts in the world right now, but he still can't find a date. Don't get excited. That sentence probably needs a qualifier. Let's try this: Robert Pattinson still can't find a date... with anyone who isn't a witless honking teenage girl with bladder control problems, a rubbish haircut and a frankly dispiriting fixation with terrible films about vampires. So that's you ruled out, clearly. Anyway, it's apparently true. Robert Pattinson says he's having trouble in the love department. He's working on it, but first he needs to fix his problems in the haircut, acting range and charisma departments. It's good to prioritise.
Hecklerspray Meets Stephen Moyer Of True Blood
In the build up to the launch of vampire drama True Blood on Channel 4, hecklerspray's Keith Emmerson caught up with the defiantly charming and ruggedly handsome Stephen Moyer (who plays Bill Compton) to discover the man behind the vampire. We are also reassuringly told that he could kill Robert Pattinson if he had to. If you didn't catch the first episode on Channel 4, it's available on 4OD - watch it. Video after the jump!
In the build up to the launch of vampire drama True Blood on Channel 4, hecklerspray's Keith Emmerson caught up with the defiantly charming and ruggedly handsome Stephen Moyer (who plays Bill Compton) to discover the man behind the vampire. We are also reassuringly told that he could kill Robert Pattinson if he had to. If you didn't catch the first episode on Channel 4, it's available on 4OD - watch it. Video after the jump!
Another New Moon Trailer! That’s Slightly Longer! GNUUUH!
So Kanye West grabbed all the MTV VMA headlines by acting like the world's most unnaturally colossal turd. But that's not the real news. No, the real news is that MTV broadcast a New Moon trailer! Yes, we know that there have already been about a million New Moon trailers, but this one is different. It's very slightly longer! And Robert Pattinson takes his top off in it! And therefore it's more liable to make us want to deliberately binge ourselves into a pharmaceutically-assisted coma just to escape it! Excited about the New Moon trailer? Then you're an idiot. Also, it's after the jump...
So Kanye West grabbed all the MTV VMA headlines by acting like the world's most unnaturally colossal turd. But that's not the real news. No, the real news is that MTV broadcast a New Moon trailer! Yes, we know that there have already been about a million New Moon trailers, but this one is different. It's very slightly longer! And Robert Pattinson takes his top off in it! And therefore it's more liable to make us want to deliberately binge ourselves into a pharmaceutically-assisted coma just to escape it! Excited about the New Moon trailer? Then you're an idiot. Also, it's after the jump...
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart ‘In Love’, And Other Nauseating Guff
New Moon will be released soon - so soon, in fact, that we can almost smell the mixture of black nail polish and teenage urine from here. But there's trouble on the horizon. According to magazine reports this week, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have dramatically fallen in love and their relationship is threatening to pull the success of New Moon apart. Wait, did we say 'threatening to pull New Moon apart'? Because we meant 'coming off like a cynical marketing stunt designed exclusively to make millions of useless teenage girls become even more unbearably excited about New Moon'. Our mistake.
New Moon will be released soon - so soon, in fact, that we can almost smell the mixture of black nail polish and teenage urine from here. But there's trouble on the horizon. According to magazine reports this week, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have dramatically fallen in love and their relationship is threatening to pull the success of New Moon apart. Wait, did we say 'threatening to pull New Moon apart'? Because we meant 'coming off like a cynical marketing stunt designed exclusively to make millions of useless teenage girls become even more unbearably excited about New Moon'. Our mistake.
