Home » Archive by Tags

Articles tagged with: Robert Pattinson

New Moon: Miley Cyrus Really Doesn’t Like Twilight, OK? Jeez
By Stuart Heritage on Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 2:00pm | 13 Comments
New Moon: Miley Cyrus Really Doesn’t Like Twilight, OK? Jeez Let's play a quick game. Things that Miley Cyrus likes: parties, the USA, money, the sound of her own voice.
Things that Miley Cyrus doesn't like: Twilight. There must be other things too - like having a dad whose beard is shaped like a stripper's vagina, probably - but Twilight is the main one. Miley Cyrus really doesn't like Twilight. We know this because Miley Cyrus told someone that she didn't like Twilight and now it's news. Because that's how news works.
In fact, Miley Cyrus says that she doesn't even believe in Twilight, which is silly because it clearly exists. A damning indictment of the homeschool curriculum from Miley Cyrus, there.
New Moon Premiere: Taylor Lautner Wears A Shirt For Once
By Stuart Heritage on Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 1:00pm | 4 Comments
New Moon Premiere: Taylor Lautner Wears A Shirt For Once It's just a matter of days until New Moon is released. What's it going to be like? Well, rubbish, obviously.
But forget that. New Moon! Yay! Anticipation for New Moon is at fever pitch - nobody knows anything about it. Well, unless they've downloaded it off the internet already. Or read the book. Or read the Wikipedia page for the book. Or watched any late-night European television commercials for homosexual chat lines. But forget all that too.
Because last night the New Moon premiere took place, which is important because it meant that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner all wore nice clothes. We don't have the image rights to show you the clothes. But all's not lost - we've got the next best thing.
Will There Be A New Twilight Book? Um…
By Stuart Heritage on Monday, November 16, 2009 at 11:00am | 6 Comments
Will There Be A New Twilight Book? Um… With New Moon being released this week, there's only one question that needs to be asked about the Twilight saga.
And that's 'for the love of all that's holy, won't somebody make it stop?' Oh, and also 'now that the saga has become so depressingly popular, will Stephenie Meyer ever write another Twilight book?' That is a question that needs to be asked. It is. It is. Alright, it isn't. But Stephenie Meyer has answered it anyway.
So will there be a new Twilight book? Maybe. One day. Unless she thinks of something better to do. Possibly. You're welcome Twilight fans. You're welcome.
Official: Robert Pattinson Smells Like A Binbag Full Of Dirty Nappies
By Stuart Heritage on Wednesday, November 11, 2009 at 2:00pm | One Comment
Official: Robert Pattinson Smells Like A Binbag Full Of Dirty Nappies Robert Pattinson has got it all. He's got incredible fame. He's got wealth. He's got moviestar good looks.
He's got a stinky arse. He's got armpit odour that could blind a nun from 30 paces. He's got breath that could dissolve concrete. He's got feet that could be isolated and used as a spitefully powerful weaponised pathogen. He has. No, really, he has. Robert Pattinson has admitted to a magazine that he essentially smells like a dirty protest in a curry house.
Um, Robert Pattinson? We think you'll find that slagging you off is our job, not yours. Would you like it if we starred in a number of crappy films about sparkly bad-haired effeminate vampires? No. No you wouldn't. So stop it.
Taylor Lautner Gets His Knickers In A Twist Over Taylor Swift
By Stuart Heritage on Monday, November 9, 2009 at 11:00am | 2 Comments
Taylor Lautner Gets His Knickers In A Twist Over Taylor Swift That's presuming that Taylor Lautner wears knickers. He might not. He doesn't really wear shirts very often.
Maybe knickers are an afterthought. After all, if you wore shirts as infrequently as Taylor Lautner, you probably wouldn't concern yourself too much with the threat of splashing a bit of wee directly up the inside of your trousers, would you? Would you? No. No you wouldn't.
Anyway, Taylor Lautner threw a little tantrum at a press conference on Friday when people wouldn't shut up about Taylor Swift. We should have just said that at the beginning instead of banging on about knickers, really.
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart: Not A Couple (Unless They Are)
By Stuart Heritage on Tuesday, November 3, 2009 at 1:00pm | 2 Comments
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart: Not A Couple (Unless They Are) We don't know about you, but we wish that the events in Twilight and New Moon would happen in real life.
We wish we knew a topless werewolf. We wish the world was really full of vampires. We really wish that Robert Pattinson would dissolve as soon as he comes in contact with sunlight. But, more than anything, we wish that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were a real couple.
But, sadly, they're not. Robert Pattinson has told Vanity Fair as much. Which means that they are. Unless they've broken up. But they haven't. Probably. Unless they're not. Clear?
Oh For God’s Sake, It’s Another New Moon Trailer
By Stuart Heritage on Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 2:00pm | 5 Comments
Oh For God’s Sake, It’s Another New Moon Trailer New Moon won't be released for another month, but that's too long for us. We want New Moon to come out now!
Why the sudden enthusiasm? Have we finally succumbed to the hype and decided that we'd actually enjoy New Moon? Since we're not fat little squealing 14-year-old girls, we'd have to say no. We actually want New Moon to come out now so that Summit can hurry up and start showing millions of poxy trailers for Eclipse all the bloody time instead.
But until then we'll have to put with millions of New Moon trailers, the trillionth of which has just been released. After the jump!
Megan Fox Killed Off In Transformers 3?
By David Scarborough on Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 4:00pm | 24 Comments
Megan Fox Killed Off In Transformers 3?

Note to Megan Fox: Some people don't like being called Hitler - especially when they're your boss.

Apparently, in retaliation for her Hitler jibe, Michael Bay has decided to kill Megan Fox off in Transformers 3. If you ask us, he's gone light on Megan - after all, this is a man who would blow up a children's nursery if it got in between him and a badly conceptualised script.

Celebrity Gossip

Movie Gossip

TV News

Music News

Weird News

Sports News