Forget the fact that so few people watched The Good Shepherd when it was released that demand for even one sequel is about the same as demand for a sequel to the Ebola virus, because this is Robert De Niro’s dream. You can’t deny an old man his dream, can you?

Actually, we’re right behind Robert De Niro’s decision to keep churning out sequels to The Good Shepherd. With his current hit rate, one of them’s bound to be a knockabout family comedy co-starring Ben Stiller, and only an idiot would turn down the chance of seeing that, right?

The Good Shepherd, the Robert De Niro-directed meditation on the history of the CIA, wasn’t exactly box office dynamite, and we think we know why:

1 - It was a basic trade description fraud. The Good Shepherd? Good? We can’t help but feel that if Robert De Niro had called his movie The Mediocre Shepherd or The Excruciatingly Long Shepherd he’d have engendered a lot more trust in the moviegoing audience.

2 – Films starring Angelina Jolie where she doesn’t play a slightly fetishistic female assassin are rubbish. Everyone knows that.

3 – The Good Shepherd was never going to attract the kids because all the words in the title were spelt correctly. The Good Shepherd? Boring. Da Nang Shep-Shep? Now that sounds like a cool movie.

But, regardless of why it failed, Robert De Niro hasn’t been put off by the public’s antipathy towards The Good Shepherd, to the point where he actually wants to make two more of them. According to CHUD:

De Niro said he would like to make two sequels to CIA Cold War drama The Good Shepherd — one bringing the action forward from 1961 to 1989, the other following its hero, Edward Wilson (Matt Damon), up to the present day. Although he is not working on research for the concluding parts of the hoped-for trilogy, De Niro said being in central Europe offered a good opportunity to begin thinking about the material.

Although the idea of sitting through another two bone-dry, stupidly-long excitement-vacuum movies about the CIA sounds like a living hell, we shouldn’t stop Robert De Niro from seeing through the creative vision he has for The Good Shepherd – especially since he’s apparently modelling the trilogy on the Lord Of The Rings movies, where the second one will be about Matt Damon walking across a mountain and the third one will be about an army of American spies charging at an army of Islamic terrorists across a giant field for three hours.

Also, the workload created by making more Good Shepherd movies means that Robert De Niro will have fewer chances to make more reputation-sullying late-period movies with Al Pacino. And for that reason we’re in.

That most blasphemous initialising of ‘Oh My God’, which the youths of today treat so brazenly, as if the name of our Lord were merely a soiled menstrual nappy to be tossed away willy-nilly, it’s sacrilegious smudge left to spread amongst the scum-ridden culture-wasteland of working class society.

The word God must never be abbreviated. It is an act of devolution so disgusting that it shant be matched until the day The Kooks are considered anything other than the most grotesque of namby-pambies.

But, if hecklerspray were as pathetic as those sites, then right now we would be licking our own ejaculate into a mural of OMGs, high on to the ceiling above us, because Robert De Niro and Al Pacino are going to be acting together in the same movie.

Hollywood producer Avi Lerner summed it up succinctly:

“This is an event in world history.”

It certainly is.

Now then, the more switched-on fellows of the readership may well be saying, ‘Wait a minute, you ignorant posh twat, they already acted together, in 1995, in the movie Heat’.

And you’d be absolutely right, they did act in Heat, but only for two scenes and, splendid as they were, it’s not quite as long-john drenching as a whole movie of them together; in the same scenes; in the same rooms; two proud men; brushing by one another; perhaps sweating occasionally; the passion between them forever growing as the story approaches it’s arching jet of a crescendo.

Spiffing.

The film is called Righteous Kill, and is a remake of the hit French thriller 36 Quai des Orfèvres, which is apparently the address of the French CID in Paris.

Lerner told the Los Angeles Times:

“They’re playing New York City detectives; they are as New York as it gets. De Niro and Pacino the way you want to see them. They’re both very opaque. You don’t know whether they’re going to kiss someone or kill them. And that suspense is what makes their performances so intense in the moment.”

We know what you’re talking about, Avi, hecklerspray is a fan of the odd intense moment or two too and, as we ignore the worth of their recent output and the fact that 50 Cent will be starring alongside them as a character called Spider, we bend forth, cheeks asunder, and pray that the merging of their ingenious talent is lube-enough to cordially welcome them into our gaping expectations.

Read More – De Niro, Pacino get an offer they can’t refuse – CNN