Wonderful news folks! Mario Lopez is getting married! We’re thrilled to bits. You see, we like the chap who played A.C. Slater so much that we turned a boring news article about Coheed & Cambria into a brief history of Mario Lopez.
He really is a very, very splendid man.
And now the Saved By The Beller is all grown-up and getting hitched to, quite possibly, the luckiest woman who ever lived. And something must be in the air because only a few months ago, Zack Morris (aka Mark-Paul Gosselaar) got engaged and… well… Skreech is still trying to live down his sex tape.
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Be honest. You’ve thought of stealing from Celine Dion’s home. Rightly, you’ve figured that, if you have to put up with her terrible, terrible music, then it is only fair that you should be able to take her possessions as compensation.
Well, the goalposts have moved now because, if you’re considering burgling Celine, someone has really upped the stakes.
The ‘singer’ had her house broken into on Monday by a man so suave that he should be given a medal so large, that it blots out the sun.
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Hey! Citizens of Planet Crud! You know what Kelly Clarkson thinks you should do? Go mug her. That’s right. Find her, and forcibly steal things from her. Why? Well, that’s because being mugged doesn’t compare to the worst kind of violation.
Leaking her songs.
That’s right. The sharing of waveforms, collected together in a shapeless, intangible file, leaked through a painless portal is way worse than lamping her on her famous head while making off with her phone and handbag.
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Jesus Christ. If Coheed & Cambria weren’t lame enough, the bass player from the band (pictured right) has only gone and done the most rubbish heist in human history. Not content with peddling wearisome lamerock, he’s gone and stolen some antacids from a chemist. With a phone.
Seriously. The pinhead, called Michael Todd, couldn’t even be bothered to write out a stickup note, preferring to tap it out on his mobile and show them that.
It probably said: ‘THS IS A STICKUP PT UR HNDS UP N GV ME ALL UR TABLTS OR ELSE PMSL 
kthnxbai‘
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How we all snorted and laughed when N-Dubz first arrived on the pop scene. Early videos of the group looked and sounded like a hilarious satire on hip-hop. The clothes, the music defied belief. We howled with laughter like the blithering know-nothing clowns we really are.
Of course N-Dubz went on to make a hatful of huge pop-smashes and showed something beneath that grisly veneer that suggests that they actually know what they’re doing and not in fact another stupid scally outfit designed to fill the brief Rockports of East 17 and Dane Bowels.
Naturally, when you get famous, people want a piece of you and, in the case of Tulisa from N-Dubz, they go as far as actually stealing stuff from your house. Read More >>>
It takes a brave man to yell at OJ Simpson with his reputation – well, a brave man or a rubbery-faced woman on a wooden bench, one or the other.
OJ Simpson was in jail between Friday and yesterday because he broke court orders and left a voicemail for Clarence Stewart, one of his alleged accomplices in the armed robbery he's accused of staging.
And yesterday, before freeing him, Judge Jackie Glass decided to explain why this was wrong to OJ Simpson, by basically bellowing the words "Arrogant!" and "Ignorant!" at him until everyone in the courtroom ended up deaf and crying.
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