rnb - HecklerSpray

Tulisa Runs Away To USA Where They Don’t Have The Internet Or Sarcasm

March 29th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Leave it! Two two’s naaah! Tulisa Contostavlos is fleeing the UK to hide away in the US after being repeatedly mocked over her sex tape with MC Ultra. Mainly because she doesn’t appear to be very good at giving gobbles.

The X Factor judge is planning to escape by heading to Miami to visit ?Terius Nash (or, The-Dream to you) who clearly doesn’t have the clout to be sarcastic about her sex tape and indeed, mustn’t have an internet connection like the rest of America.

So what’s The Female Boss (Female Nosh more like) saying about it all?

Bobby Brown Shocks Everyone By Getting Arrested Again

March 27th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

After telling everyone that he slept in his car, nearly bankrupting himself to get Whitney Houston into rehab, everyone briefly thought that they had Bobby Brown all wrong. Maybe he’s a nice guy and not the ghoul he’s been painted as?

But then you remember the trouble he’s caused all by himself. Candy Girl being one such unforgiveable example.

So now, we revert to type, with the LAPD saying that Bobby has been arrested for being absolutely ripped to his tits by the wheel of a car. ‘DUI’ if you’re American. ‘Drink driving’ if you live in England. ‘Stop being so soft, he’s fine’ if you’re Scottish.

Rihanna Wants To Show You Her Underboob, Leaving Us All Very Weary [NSFW]

August 14th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Rihanna. She likes sex. We geddit. She really, really likes sex. Talking about sex. She likes that too. And having sex. In a bed. With no clothes on. And getting her boobies out.

Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex.

Say it over and over out loud, and soon the word loses all meaning and breaks down, sounding like suh-eh-ck-ss or some other utter nonsense. However, that doesn’t stop Rihanna from ramming her sexual self down everyone’s throats until only the simple and pimpled remain caring. And now, we have some pictures of Rihanna with very few clothes on indeed… and y’know something? We’re really quite bored now.

R Kelly Doesn’t Understand Irony And Unleashes More Back In The Closet Episodes

March 22nd, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Imagine how hard it is being R Kelly. First off, everyone keeps mentioning the whole urine/minor thing. Then there’s your inner voice that tells you everyone is out to get you… that you’re washed-up. Then there’s the whole Not Understanding Irony Thing.

See, Uncle Kels has forged a career based on some truly wonderful records, coupled with a Dubious Private Life. People love him. It is funny to love R Kelly. Especially when you listen to the lyrics of ‘Shut Up’ or watch the video for ‘Real Talk’.

And of course, his magnus opus is the baffling, hilarious, disturbing, ego-wank that is Trapped In The Closet. And thanks to his lack of insight or foresight, he’s only gone and made a whole load of new episodes of the slopera to deal with some of its ‘mysteries’.

N-Dubz Fazer Incoherently Vomits Into Twitter Concerning Tulisa Sex Tape

May 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

We’ve all seen the ALLEGED Tulisa sextape by now, haven’t we? If you have she’s ALLEGEDLY not very good at blow-jobs. And she ALLEGEDLY likes hitting herself on her ALLEGED forehead with a penis.

Anyway, it’s all gone a bit mental and injunctions have been taken out, Dappy has said it was definitely her in the video and that it was bandmate Fazer who had his widger on show.

So what does Fazer have to say about it? Well, in a baffling missive, Fazer has vented on twitter in such a manner that he may well have been typing with his cockie.

Obligatory Mention Of Tulisa’s Sex Tape

May 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

So, Tulisa has a sex tape does she? Of course, lawyers are saying it isn’t her (although the video contains someone with the exact same DNA as the X Factor judge, it seems) and everyone is hastily taking down stills from the video.

That’d be the video which has Tulisa’s dead-ringer sucking what appears to be (actually is) an engorged male member. Apparently, the phallus whacks her on the forehead at one point, which is always nice.

But of course, legally speaking, it isn’t her… despite what Dappy – her bandmate and cousin – said on twitter, dropping her right in it. Just think of that. Watching your cousin’s sex tape. How very, very tasteful.

Rihanna Says Chris Brown Collaboration ‘Made Sense’ Even Though It Massively Didn’t

March 16th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

So, your ex beat the living shit out of you on the way to an awards ceremony. Just imagine. It’d take a helluva lot to forgive him right? Not if you’re Rihanna clearly. In fact, in the case of Rihanna and Chris Brown, no explanation is needed at all.

Even though the police report of the incident is one of the more harrowing things we’ve featured on these pages, it would appear we’re all just supposed to gloss over it. Everything is fine.

But that didn’t happen did it? Especially given that RiRi and Breezy (what is it with these infantile nicknames all the celebs have at the minute?) collaborated on some tunes recently. The closest thing we’re going to get to an explanation is Rihanna’s infuriating comments made this week.

Begin The Self-Harming! N-Dubz Have Split!

March 16th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Oh god, all of our worst fears have come true. Worse than being trapped in a lift with Kris Akabusi and Ainsley Harriot… worse than watching a sex tape with James Blunt… N Dubz have split up.

We’re uncontrollably upset. This is grade-A grieving. Snot bubbles, sticking heads in the oven, scratching the eyes out of photographs uproarious sorrow.

And how did we find it out? Why, through the portal of sin, Twitter. And once again, Tulisa was the one doing all the talking.

Whitney Houston’s Daughter Is ‘Incestuous’ With Her Brother

March 15th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

There was always going to be something of a media circus after Whitney Houston died. All eyes were on Bobby Brown because… well… he’s barking mad and volatile. He was odds-on to be the biggest, most public wreck of them all.

Along came Bobbi Kristina, Whitney and Bobby’s daughter to completely knock all other lunacy out of the park.

See, it appears she’s been getting off with her brother. No-one saw incest coming along in this script, did they?

Will Young Slags Off Rihanna, As If She Hasn’t Had Enough Trouble With Men

March 9th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Will Young is a proper grown-up now. He does quirky pop-videos, works with Groove Armada and even appears on popular British politics shows like Question Time. And all that with a slight lisp! How tremendous.

Of course, no-one should ever really have a go at Will Young because he’s being fast-tracked to National Institution. Slating him is like kicking Stephen Fry in the balls. It’d be like stealing John Hurt’s dinner money. It’d be like upsetting Stonehenge.

Not that this stops Will from vaguely berating people in a kinda sweet, vaguely gathered way, and his target is Rihanna who, in fairness, anyone with any sense is thoroughly tired of her now. So what’s the beef?