First, a clarification – Rip Torn has the best celebrity arrest of all time. The man’s a genius. He’s untouchable.
He’s 78 years old and he broke into a bank, holding a loaded gun, because he was so drunk that he thought it was his own house. Nobody on the face on the planet has ever done anything that brilliant. Rip Torn, we want you to be our grandpa.
But, although he has the best celebrity arrest in history, he hasn’t got the only celebrity arrest in history. Celebrities literally can’t stop getting arrested and, since celebrities are on average 15 times stupider than normal people, their arrests are often quite hilarious. Take a look…
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It’s fair to say that Rip Torn is the Tiger Woods of getting hammered on booze and breaking into banks with a gun.
And what did Tiger Woods do? That’s right, he tried to repair his image by going to rehab. So that’s what Rip Torn has done, too – after being released from jail following his alleged armed, drunken bank break-in on Friday, Rip Torn has apparently decided to check into rehab to mend his ways.
That means that before too long Rip Torn will stop being known as the 78-year-old man who gets drunk and stages late-night armed bank break-ins, and will start being known as the 78-year-old man who doesn’t get drunk and stage late night armed bank break-ins. We don’t know why he’s bothering. The first one’s obviously better.
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Rip Torn is 78 years old. Until Friday night, the stupidest thing he’d ever done was Freddy Got Fingered.
That’s now the second-stupidest. Because, on Friday night, Rip Torn was arrested on suspicion of drunkenly forcing himself into a bank with a loaded gun. Read that again if you like – Rip Torn from Men In Black and Robocop 3 was arrested because he apparently got drunk, grabbed a loaded gun and broke into his local bank through a back window.
Which sort of makes Rip Torn the new, drunker OJ Simpson, doesn’t it? Maybe now he’ll write a book called If I Did It, Heresh How It Fuggin Happund Yowld Bashterdsh. We’d read it.
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First, a clarification – Rip Torn has the best celebrity arrest of all time. The man’s a genius. He’s untouchable.
