The first half of Rihanna’s tell-all Chris Brown interview has finally aired, and what a shock it was.
The things Rihanna said! Apparently being beaten to within an inch of your life by the man you love isn’t very nice. Who knew? But that’s not all – Rihanna says that she’s embarrassed about falling in love with Chris Brown. No kidding! Look at him – the bowtie, the odd-shaped head, the ill-advised facial hair, the teeth that look like someone has fired shards of crockery at a watermelon through a ship’s cannon. We’d be embarrassed too!
Oh, Rihanna was talking about the violence thing. We suppose we can see that too.
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It’s easy to think of Rihanna as simply an idiot’s punchbag instead of a singer with a new album out soon.
But she is a singer. And she does have an album out soon. So let’s talk about that instead. In an interview with Glamour magazine, Rihanna said of her forthcoming album that her goal was to make a record that both Lil Wayne and Kings Of Leon would love.
On second thoughts, let’s just talk about her brush with domestic violence instead. We think you’ll find it slightly less depressing than talking about Kings Of Leon in any meaningful way.
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Rihanna’s ready to move on with her life and release that cheery ditty about shooting herself in the chest.
But she can’t. There’s unfinished business left. Before people can accept her as a singer again, they want Rihanna to answer a few questions about Chris Brown. Sadly, though, those question aren’t ‘What’s up with his teeth?’ or ‘Doesn’t he realise that he looks like a dickhead in that bowtie?’ – they’re more about domestic violence.
And Rihanna says it could happen to anyone. Well, anyone who ever goes near Chris Brown because he’s such a monumental titstick, at least. We think that was her point.
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