Rihanna Describes What A Turd Chris Brown Is Rihanna's ready to move on with her life and release that cheery ditty about shooting herself in the chest. But she can't. There's unfinished business left. Before people can accept her as a singer again, they want Rihanna to answer a few questions about Chris Brown. Sadly, though, those question aren't 'What's up with his teeth?' or 'Doesn't he realise that he looks like a dickhead in that bowtie?' - they're more about domestic violence. And Rihanna says it could happen to anyone. Well, anyone who ever goes near Chris Brown because he's such a monumental titstick, at least. We think that was her point.

There Might Be A Rihanna/ Chris Brown Sex Tape, Upsettingly Upset when Octomom turned down her porno because you can only get off by watching horrifying things? Then this is your lucky day! Apparently the one thing worse than seeing a tape of a new mother having sex with eight men for cash - a tape of Rihanna and Chris Brown having sex with each other - actually exists and could be put onto the internet at any point. Appalling, sure, but at the least the Rihanna sex tape might show us what Rihanna can see in Chris Brown, because it can't be his manners. Or his voice. Or his stupid face.