Articles tagged with: Rihanna
Chris Brown Is A Really Excellent Binman
Chris Brown can't change the past - if he could, he would have done a better job on Rihanna and then fled to Mexico. But he can change the future. And that's Chris Brown's prime directive right now. He doesn't want to be known as the big-toothed singer who beat up his girlfriend in a moment of staggering violence any more - he wants to be known as the big-toothed singer who beat up his girlfriend in a moment of staggering violence and then cleaned up some rubbish quite well. And that's what he is. A judge has just given Chris Brown an 'extremely favourable' community service progress report. Now that's being a role-model. For people who hit women and then have to pick up trash.
Chris Brown can't change the past - if he could, he would have done a better job on Rihanna and then fled to Mexico. But he can change the future. And that's Chris Brown's prime directive right now. He doesn't want to be known as the big-toothed singer who beat up his girlfriend in a moment of staggering violence any more - he wants to be known as the big-toothed singer who beat up his girlfriend in a moment of staggering violence and then cleaned up some rubbish quite well. And that's what he is. A judge has just given Chris Brown an 'extremely favourable' community service progress report. Now that's being a role-model. For people who hit women and then have to pick up trash.
WEBTHUMP! November 11 2009
10 - Win tickets to see Rihanna in concert! Do it now! - Popsugar 9 - Fingerless gloves: the critical re-evaluation - Interestment 8 - Things we're now afraid of: getting trapped on an iceberg with three polar bears - Asylum 7 - This just in: bald bears are TERRIFYING - Geekology
Rihanna: I Was Blinded By Love (And Presumably Eye-Punching)
The first half of Rihanna's tell-all Chris Brown interview has finally aired, and what a shock it was. The things Rihanna said! Apparently being beaten to within an inch of your life by the man you love isn't very nice. Who knew? But that's not all - Rihanna says that she's embarrassed about falling in love with Chris Brown. No kidding! Look at him - the bowtie, the odd-shaped head, the ill-advised facial hair, the teeth that look like someone has fired shards of crockery at a watermelon through a ship's cannon. We'd be embarrassed too! Oh, Rihanna was talking about the violence thing. We suppose we can see that too.
The first half of Rihanna's tell-all Chris Brown interview has finally aired, and what a shock it was. The things Rihanna said! Apparently being beaten to within an inch of your life by the man you love isn't very nice. Who knew? But that's not all - Rihanna says that she's embarrassed about falling in love with Chris Brown. No kidding! Look at him - the bowtie, the odd-shaped head, the ill-advised facial hair, the teeth that look like someone has fired shards of crockery at a watermelon through a ship's cannon. We'd be embarrassed too! Oh, Rihanna was talking about the violence thing. We suppose we can see that too.
What Should Chris Brown Do Next? Discussed
Chris Brown, the R&B singer, is unsure of how he is perceived by his fans. We know this, because that’s what he said in an interview. Do they still love him for his music? Or have his tender sex songs lost a little bit of their appeal since he decided to practice Kung Fu on his ex-girlfriend Rihanna’s beautiful face? Yeah, it’s a concern, isn’t it Chris? Unfortunately, sensual declarations of love to a backing track do tend to sound a bit watery, once you know that beneath the gargantuan teeth, and the promises of a better future, beats the thumping heart of a maniac just seconds away from a red mist. Sneeze at the wrong moment, and he might come at you with a brick. Still, all is not lost for Chris Brown. Using some templates from other famous people who have been unmasked for dodgy wrong-doings, here are a few paths that he could choose to tread...
Chris Brown, the R&B singer, is unsure of how he is perceived by his fans. We know this, because that’s what he said in an interview. Do they still love him for his music? Or have his tender sex songs lost a little bit of their appeal since he decided to practice Kung Fu on his ex-girlfriend Rihanna’s beautiful face? Yeah, it’s a concern, isn’t it Chris? Unfortunately, sensual declarations of love to a backing track do tend to sound a bit watery, once you know that beneath the gargantuan teeth, and the promises of a better future, beats the thumping heart of a maniac just seconds away from a red mist. Sneeze at the wrong moment, and he might come at you with a brick. Still, all is not lost for Chris Brown. Using some templates from other famous people who have been unmasked for dodgy wrong-doings, here are a few paths that he could choose to tread...
Rihanna Discusses New Album And, You Know, Stuff
It's easy to think of Rihanna as simply an idiot's punchbag instead of a singer with a new album out soon. But she is a singer. And she does have an album out soon. So let's talk about that instead. In an interview with Glamour magazine, Rihanna said of her forthcoming album that her goal was to make a record that both Lil Wayne and Kings Of Leon would love. On second thoughts, let's just talk about her brush with domestic violence instead. We think you'll find it slightly less depressing than talking about Kings Of Leon in any meaningful way.
It's easy to think of Rihanna as simply an idiot's punchbag instead of a singer with a new album out soon. But she is a singer. And she does have an album out soon. So let's talk about that instead. In an interview with Glamour magazine, Rihanna said of her forthcoming album that her goal was to make a record that both Lil Wayne and Kings Of Leon would love. On second thoughts, let's just talk about her brush with domestic violence instead. We think you'll find it slightly less depressing than talking about Kings Of Leon in any meaningful way.
Rihanna Describes What A Turd Chris Brown Is
Rihanna's ready to move on with her life and release that cheery ditty about shooting herself in the chest. But she can't. There's unfinished business left. Before people can accept her as a singer again, they want Rihanna to answer a few questions about Chris Brown. Sadly, though, those question aren't 'What's up with his teeth?' or 'Doesn't he realise that he looks like a dickhead in that bowtie?' - they're more about domestic violence. And Rihanna says it could happen to anyone. Well, anyone who ever goes near Chris Brown because he's such a monumental titstick, at least. We think that was her point.
Rihanna's ready to move on with her life and release that cheery ditty about shooting herself in the chest. But she can't. There's unfinished business left. Before people can accept her as a singer again, they want Rihanna to answer a few questions about Chris Brown. Sadly, though, those question aren't 'What's up with his teeth?' or 'Doesn't he realise that he looks like a dickhead in that bowtie?' - they're more about domestic violence. And Rihanna says it could happen to anyone. Well, anyone who ever goes near Chris Brown because he's such a monumental titstick, at least. We think that was her point.
Chris Brown Still Wubs Rihanna, The Ickle Diddums
It's only natural to occasionally get nostalgic over a lost love - you know, the good times, the laughter. The time you tried to choke them unconscious in a car. Oh, we've all been there. We have. Alright, we haven't. But Chris Brown has. In fact, Chris Brown misses Rihanna so much that yesterday he used Twitter to link to a YouTube video of both of them kissing and hugging entitled 'The Way We Used To Be.' It's enough to bring tears to the eyes, isn't it? You know, tears like you get when someone's chewing on one of your ears and loudly threatening to kill you. Those sort of tears.
It's only natural to occasionally get nostalgic over a lost love - you know, the good times, the laughter. The time you tried to choke them unconscious in a car. Oh, we've all been there. We have. Alright, we haven't. But Chris Brown has. In fact, Chris Brown misses Rihanna so much that yesterday he used Twitter to link to a YouTube video of both of them kissing and hugging entitled 'The Way We Used To Be.' It's enough to bring tears to the eyes, isn't it? You know, tears like you get when someone's chewing on one of your ears and loudly threatening to kill you. Those sort of tears.
And Here’s Chris Brown’s New Single (It’s Less Suicidey)
Sorry Rihanna. You may have wrapped yourself in barbed wire and sung about killing yourself, but you've been out-depressed. You see, Chris Brown also has a new single out. And even though your song, Rihanna, was about blowing a gigantic hole in your own chest with a pistol, Chris Brown's new single is immeasurably more depressing simply because it exists. It's called Crawl, and it's a kind of sadsack 'I know I tried to choke you unconscious and bite one of your ears off, but I still love you baby' plea for forgiveness. And it's worked. Oh Chris Brown, we could never stay mad at you, you stupid-toothed, bowtie-wearing, violent, woman-hating twat.
Sorry Rihanna. You may have wrapped yourself in barbed wire and sung about killing yourself, but you've been out-depressed. You see, Chris Brown also has a new single out. And even though your song, Rihanna, was about blowing a gigantic hole in your own chest with a pistol, Chris Brown's new single is immeasurably more depressing simply because it exists. It's called Crawl, and it's a kind of sadsack 'I know I tried to choke you unconscious and bite one of your ears off, but I still love you baby' plea for forgiveness. And it's worked. Oh Chris Brown, we could never stay mad at you, you stupid-toothed, bowtie-wearing, violent, woman-hating twat.
