HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

Jeremy Irons Thinks Smokers Need To Be Protected Like Disabled Folk

April 5th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Smokers are having a hard time of it in certain quarters. In many places, they’re no longer allowed to smoke in pubs and bars, leaving them to brilliantly stand in doorways blowing stinkin’ plumes over mewing non-smokers as they walk on by.

In parts of America, you can be arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay for merely thinking about a crude pencil drawing of cigarettes.

This has seen British actor Jeremy Irons getting all irate, which presumably makes him want to pace around chain-smoking. Y’see, Irons – a man who has absolutely zero colour in his face – is angry at the whole city of New York for new smoking rules, which prompted him into making a rather odd comparison.

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Sooty Back, Has Stranger’s Hand Jammed In His Anus

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Sooty hasn't been on TV for a while. But you probably hadn't noticed because a) you're not a child and b) Sooty is the rubbishest children's character ever.

But despite being so rubbish and boring that it'd be more fun to watch a TV show about a static eggcup full of gravel from Norfolk, Sooty is back! Puppeteer Richard Cadell has just bought the rights to Sooty from Hit Entertainment for close to a million pounds.

Now comes the real problem – Cadell needs to try and work out how to update Sooty and make him relevant for today's sophisticated youth. Though, just to clear things up, Sooty's Real Life Pub Car Park Knife Fights was our idea first. Don't be copying us, Cadell.

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Ray Charles’ Kids & Manager Literally Fight Over His Dead Body

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Bitter, distasteful fights about a dead celebrity’s possessions tend to take place while the dead celebrity is still warm.

So we have nothing but respect for the family and former manager of Ray Charles, who managed to remain peaceful and amicable until he was long-dead, completely cold and probably quite rotten, and then they started having bitter, distasteful fights about his possessions.

Ray Charles’ 12 children have accused manager Joe Adams of tarnishing their father’s memory by releasing two Ray Charles albums posthumously that Ray would have never approved. We’re not so sure about that – Ray Charles Sings The Hits Of Emma Bunton and Ray Charles Mumbles To Himself About His Slippers have always been long-time favourites of ours.

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