Ricky Martin is gay. Okay? Got that? Good. Because ladies, like George Michael, it doesn’t matter how much you fancy him because, unless you’re in possession of some unsightly testicles, he wouldn’t touch you with a shitty stick.
However, like many homosexuals, Ricky found it difficult to come out of his closet.
What made it even worse for the singer is that he was petrified of announcing his sexuality to the world because he was under the impression that homosexuality was “evil”. Surely that only adds to the thrill of it with some?
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You know She Bangs By Ricky Martin? Its full title was She Bangs, Although That’s Not Strictly Based On First-Hand Experience.
Because Ricky Martin is gay. We know that might come as a shock to some of you – like the ones among you who don’t have eyes, the ones among you who don’t have ears and the ones among you who have been inexplicably confusing Ricky Martin with Jeremy Clarkson for the last 15 years – but it’s true.
Ricky Martin came out on his website yesterday, proclaiming that he is a ‘fortunate homosexual man’. Still, at least Ricky Martin won’t have to worry how his fans will react to this news. Not because they’re all open-minded and progressive, you understand, but because technically he hasn’t been famous for about a decade.
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As the only man in history to ever father a child, Ricky Martin is in demand at the moment to explain what it’s like.
Although they were born in the summer, Ricky Martin has decided to show off his baby twins Valentino and Matteo for the first time in People, while describing exactly how spiritual he feels when they smile or cry or poo or whatever.
Ricky Martin is raising the twins alone as a single father, so they obviously won’t be breastfed. Not because Ricky is a man and therefore can’t lactate, but because his nipples are probably already manky and chewed up and stuff.
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