Articles tagged with: rich
You know that time you had a protracted two-hour argument with your girlfriend about the hoovering? JK Rowling earnt £36,000 during that. And you know that poo you did this morning? The one you bit off prematurely because you were in a rush? JK Rowling earnt enough money to buy two Playstations and a week in a Greek villa during that. It's just been announced, you see, that JK Rowling is the richest author on the planet, earning £5 a second. So even just then, when you recoiled in disgust at our graphic description of chopping a poo in half with your sphincter, JK Rowling probably made enough money to go on a three-hour shopping spree at Primark. A shopping spree that ironically would earn JK Rowling enough money to but a nice eight-berth yacht that, if she took on a two-week cruise, would earn her enough money to buy your entire family forever, basically.
You have to sympathise with Will Smith - the man has had a rough time recently, having to deal with a constant barrage of claims that he's an evil Scientologist from the planet Zod, or wherever it is they come from. Yes, the Fresh Prince has taken most of his time in-between promoting Hancock defending himself from rabid media types hurling these accusations at him. We at hecklerspray feel very sorry for Will, so we're starting a 'Help Will Smith Fund' where we will collect aluminium cans and sell them at local scrap yards to raise funds to help young Willy defend himself... What's that? He earned how much?! Oh. Well sod him then.
It's so easy to become richer than your wildest dreams - all you need is a mockney husband, a giant glittery crucifix and a ghastly purple leotard that shows off your old lady's tumpsy in more detail than anyone really wanted.
As far as we can tell, that's been Madonna's trick, and it seems to have done OK for her - a Forbes survey has declared that Madonna is the richest woman in music, earning about $72 million a year.
Ask yourself this, though - does all that money make Madonna happy? Yes, of course it does. But does it make her look less wrinkled and veiny? No is does not. Ergo we win.
There's nothing like a list of people who earn more in a year than you ever will in your entire life even though they've been dead for years to inject some sunshine into your life, is there?
That's right - the annual Forbes Dead Celebrity Rich List has been published, and it's been another classic year for Elvis Presley. Elvis has managed to earn $49 million over the last year, $5 million more than his nearest rival John Lennon could muster. It's a triumphant return to the top spot for Elvis Presley, who was knocked into second place last year by Kurt Cobain, with industry experts claiming that this reflects the current public trend for favouring bloated corpses with blasted-open colons over miserable corpses with bits of their heads missing.
