Sharon recently quit ITV1’s X Factor because of something about money. She wasn’t getting her cut of the phone-in vote or something (just joking Sharon). Whatever, she left them, and it doesn’t look like she’s going back.

But then again she’s no doubt said that to Ozzy a few dozen times over the years. And yet, no matter how big the betrayal, she still remains by his side.

The poor fella – as if being a human vibrator wasn’t enough to live with without that over-opinionated ear-ache hanging about the place.

Actually, that probably explains why she stays put – they don’t have sex anymore, Sharon just straddles one of Ozzy’s wrists and focuses on a picture of Rhydian until her gushing, squawking, tinitus-inducing climax.

So, yes, Sharon has left ITV and looks set to leave her panel show days behind her.

God, we give you our heartfelt thanks. You really do look after us when it comes down to it.

Next time though, if you wouldn’t mind awfully, would it be OK if, instead of sending her to another broadcaster, you just sent her to somewhere like hell, for example? Just a thought – not that we want to tell you how to do your job or anything! Haha! But seriously, think about it. If you want to haggle with purgatory then, you know, we’re open to that prospect.

Rumour has it that, should Sharon get with the Beeb, she will join the cast of Strictly Come Dancing and – now for the best news of the day – it won’t be as a panelist! Woo hoo! Just a measly contestant.

According to The Sun, a ‘pal’ revealed last night:

It would make one hell of a TV battle, so don’t be surprised to see her hitting the dancefloor. Sharon has not fallen out with Cowell, not in the slightest. It all comes down to two things — money and Dannii. At the moment, she’s filming America’s Got Talent for Cowell and she’s concentrating on her US TV projects. Early last year, Sharon was meant to appear in Dancing With The Stars, the US version of Strictly, but she had to pull out to have an operation. She’s always wanted to do it, so what better time to put on her dancing shoes and go up against the X Factor than when the shows start again in September?

Which one are you gonna watch: X-Factor or Strictly Come Dancing? You, like hecklerspray, are now wetting yourselves in anticipation. Has life ever been so exciting?

We just can’t decide and so, instead of watching either of them, we’re just gonna throw our TVs out the window and literally do something else more interesting.

First there was the Richard And Judy You Say, We Pay malarkey. Then GMTV got embroiled in a similar sort of scandal. And hit ITV show Phone In And Give Us Lots Of Money While Attempting To Find Wholly Arbitrary Answers To Pointless Questions, You Pathetic Gullible Cretins raised more than a few eyebrows out there in viewerland.  Surely things couldn't get any worse, right?

Think again. X Factor – grandaddy of all slightly plebeian dial-a-vote TV fests – has sparked off a whole new controversy following allegations that the result was a bloody great big fix. Over 1,500 viewers have called Ofcom so far to complain, meaning that a) they're either really, really  angry, or b) they were trying to get through to Simpleton Ring-A-Ling Money Grab and their fingers were too greasy from the massive KFC bucket on their lap to dial the right digits.

Ofcom have now launched an extensive enquiry as to why thousands of people claim they were unable to get through and vote for welsh opera singer Rhydian Roberts. Roberts was the pre-show favourite to win, but then went on to lose to weird-headed toddler Leon Jackson.

Welsh first minister Rhodri Morgan – obviously making the best use of his senior political status by concentrating on such an important issue – waffled that:

“I can confirm that I attempted to vote for Rhydian and couldn’t get through. Thousands had the same experience as me.”

While winner Leon's mum is having none of it:

“It’s just sour grapes. I’ve had complete strangers stop me in the street and say they couldn’t get through to vote for my Leon. One pal tried more than 300 times and failed every time. It’s not just Welsh folk who suffered.”

The truth, it would seem, has yet to out. ITV naturally claim that Leon won fair and square. Hecklerspray, meanwhile, couldn't really care less. We're far more excited about the grand final of Celebrity Wee-Wee Drinker. £10 on Jimmy Hill to win – that boy sure can guzzle the urine, and the shiny veneer it leaves on his gargantuan chin afterwards is nothing short of startling.

If you are interested in any of this, however, The Sun has set up it's own voting lines to ascertain who their readers really voted for. Although – to be fair – most people are simply phoning up to shout 'tits', 'football', 'pies,' or 'I hate immigrants' to the automated Jon Gaunt answerphone.

Apart from the ones who just grunt, of course.

Read More:

1,500 phone over Rhyd vote – The Sun

In fact, the X Factor Disco Night went so badly that Simon Cowell has jacked in all of the forthcoming X Factor theme nights as a result. Saturday’s proposed Motown Night has been replaced by the painfully generic Love Songs Night – which means the X Factor contestants can choose between My Love, Chains Of Love, Stoned Love, Hot Love, Puppy Love, Loop Di Love, Young Love, Wild Love, Radar Love, Silly Love, Dr Love, Modern Love, Big Love, Bad Love, Dirty Love, Love Shack or Chick-A-Boom (Don’t Ya Jes Love It) and no other songs. And God knows what’ll happen to the other proposed X Factor theme nights, like X Factor Narcocorrido Night or X Factor Malaysian Ronggeng Night.

But let’s worry about that later, because we don’t know who’s going to win X Factor yet. And here are today’s X Factor betting odds – for Beverley Trottman, Niki Evans and Rhydian Roberts, with help from Paddy Power…

Beverley Trottman – So, Beverley Trottman’s X Factor performance on Saturday was better than her X Factor performance from the previous week. That’s not saying much, though, because her previous song was You’re Beautiful and if she’d have just silently splashed around in a puddle of vomit for three minutes this week it would have been better. In her pre-song X Factor VT, Beverley kept banging on about the risk she was taking with her song choice – leading us to believe she was either going for a piece of whimsical folk music or Ignominious Slaughter by Torture. Actually what happened was that Beverley belted out I’m Every Woman which such startling power that we’re surprised the studio ceiling didn’t cave in. Although the sentiments of the song were a little off – we doubt that every woman would start sobbing “Why didn’t mummy want me?” on a prime-time Saturday night TV show like Beverley has done in the past – it was easily the best performance of the night. But can Beverley Trottman win X Factor? Really? Current X factor betting odds – 8/1

Niki Evans – We feel for Niki Evans, we really do. She might have just about the best voice in this year’s X Factor, but she’s letting Louis Walsh turn her into the sort of alarming 1980s soft-rocker that we expect only Jeremy Clarkson really likes. And this weird audition for the soundtrack of an ironic Top Gun remake continued on Saturday’s X Factor when Niki Evans sang Hot Stuff with a hairspray-assisted perm that future generations will blame entirely for the destruction of the ozone layer. It was actually pretty upsetting to watch – Niki has gone from being a mildly attractive older woman with a nice voice to the kind of ratty-looking divorcee that fills every small-town nightclub up and down the country each weekend. But, despite this, Niki Evans remains the second-favourite to win X Factor, which probably says more about the competition than anything else. Current X Factor betting odds – 9/2

Rhydian Roberts – Last week, Rhydian’s X Factor performance of You Raise Me Up proved that Rhydian is much better without all the gimmicks and campery and ridiculous outfits that he’d previously been trussed up in – which is presumably why on Saturday’s X Factor Dannii Minogue made Rhydian sing Go West dressed in a naval outfit with a gang of male dancers stomping around in unison behind him. The whole thing was shudderingly absurd to watch – like the gayest Nazi Youth rally ever held – and the fact that Rhydian wasn’t booted out of X Factor the second he finished singing is still bewildering us a little bit. Having said that, if Rhydian’s version of Go West was released as a single in eastern Europe it’d be number one forever. Also, it’s a good thing that X Factor Motown Night has been scrapped – we didn’t doubt for a second that Dannii would stick Rhydian in blackface and an afro for whatever he was due to sing. Current X Factor betting odds – 8/15

Tomorrow – just for a change, some I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here betting odds. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power X Factor betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.