Rhydian Roberts - HecklerSpray

Five Stars Robbed Of The X Factor!

August 19th, 2009 By Josh Burt

And so another year rolls around, and thousands of orphans will be performing song-and-dance routines, begging you not to turn your back on them, like everyone else they ever gave a damn about has.

Early reports suggest that a quartet of hookers could be the next Pussycat Dolls, but no doubt they will be usurped at some point by a sniveling effeminate teen who has promised his dying nan that he will win X Factor for her. Regardless that she's never seen it. It's the television highlight of the autumn, and yet, they never quite get the winner right.

In a perfect world, these people would all be trillionaires?

Leon Jackson Dropped For Being Utterly Gash

March 25th, 2009 By Matthew Laidlow

Leon Jackson, we all know him as the crying little Scottish boy who appeared on X Factor in 2007.

When it got down to the grand final between himself and freaky silver-haired Rhydian Roberts it was genuinely assumed that Rhydian would win. Probably because he was a better singer and didn't weep as much.

Somehow, Leon clinched victory and won a lucrative record contract. Rhydian lost, but still managed to get an album deal. Now it appears that Rhydian Roberts has had the last laugh as his rival has been dropped by Sony. we're trying not to cry either.

Rhydian Roberts Gets That Record Deal After All

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

X Factor ended less than a month ago but, like a child trying to cope with a disturbing period of abuse, we've already blocked it out emotionally.

As such, we can't remember a single thing about last year's X Factor – we seem to recall that it was won by a plank of balsa wood dressed as Frank Sinatra that couldn't stop crying, but that's about it. Anyway, apparently someone from X Factor called Rhydian Roberts has just signed a million-pound record deal.

Wait, no, it's all coming back. Make it stop! Lord, make it stop! Mother! The pain!

X Factor Rhydian Still Gets A Deal Of Some Sort

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Chances are that Rhydian Roberts expected to wake up this morning as the X Factor champion, but that just didn't happen thanks to the inexplicable popularity of that funny-looking Scottish boy with the ratty hair.

Historically the X Factor silver medallist is consigned to a simple future – one badly-selling album of Michael Ball cover versions that only gets television coverage on GMTV and then a couple of years of doing corporate shows for 50p and a handful of cakes – but Rhydian Roberts might just escape that, because Simon Cowell has signed Rhydian up and wants him to rush an album out before he ends up inevitably playing the Phantom Of The Opera. And, all being well, Rhydian's album To You Love Rhydian: Rhydian Sings The Best Of Ball should be released early next year.

Leon Jackson Somehow Wins X Factor

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Leon Jackson – the red-eyed Scottish boy who only managed to stop crying for about three seconds in the entire second half of 2007 – has won X Factor.

It was a surprise result for sure, since operatic weirdo Rhydian Roberts had been tipped to become the X Factor winner right from day one, but Leon Jackson proved that he had the winning mix of weird-haired good looks, strong regional support and the ability to burst into tears every time he said a word that even sounded like 'mum'. And now, thanks to his X Factor win, Leon Jackson has been almost guaranteed to get the Christmas number one with his single When You Believe – a song that was instantly available to download for anyone who wasn't completely sick of the twatting thing after it was played about 19,000 times in a row during the last 20 minutes of the X Factor final.

X Factor Betting Odds: Rhydian To Win The Final?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

So this is it, the last time we mention X Factor around these parts this year, at least until we stop to marvel at the dreadfully mushy power ballad that Rhydian Roberts will release as his first single right before Christmas.

Have you placed an X Factor bet this season yet? You'd be sort of dumb if you haven't – even though there's a clear favourite to win, the odds are still remarkably long. Maybe it's time you took a punt – there's really not any way it could be any harder. And then at least when you've won a pile of money from the result of the X Factor final you'll feel a lot less dirty about basically funding Louis Walsh's hair-fluffing habit. So – last X Factor betting odds of the series. Ready?

Good – then here are the X Factor betting odds for Rhydian Roberts, with help from Paddy Power…

X Factor Rhydian Just As Much Of A Virgin As You Thought

March 31st, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Hey kids, ever wondered why X Factor favourite Rhydian Roberts can't sing anything but churchy musical numbers without looking like he's secretly dying of awkwardness on the inside?

Turns out it's because Rhydian is a Christian. And a virgin. But not a gay one. Speaking to The Mirror today, 24-year-old Rhydian Roberts has confirmed the obvious and admitted that he's a virgin who won't have sex with anyone before marriage. But he definitely isn't gay, something proved by the way Rhydian regularly sees girls and thinks "Grr, I'd do her," before thinking a little more quietly "just as soon as I've formed a legally-binding tie with her in front of all my friends and family in a prohibitively expensive ceremony, and then promised to God that I'll never split up with her, ever."

X Factor Betting Odds: Leon Jackson Second-Favourite?!

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Now that only four X Factor contestants remain, the show’s production team knows it has to raise the bar again and again to make sure that each episode reaches even headier heights than the last.

And that’s got a lot to do with what X Factor themes are chosen. For example, Saturday’s X Factor was all about the Best Of British, which allowed the remaining X Factor contestants to sing about a million Queen songs – technically making the Best Of British Night a Best Of British (And A Bit Zanzibarian) Night – and an American version of a Sting song. And this week, we have a feeling that the X Factor theme is ‘songs’. We’re especially looking forward to that one.

But who’s going to win X Factor? Here are the X Factor betting odds for Leon Jackson and Rhydian Roberts, with help from Paddy Power…

X Factor Betting Odds: Can Niki Evans Win?

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

All said, Saturday’s X Factor Love Songs Night was a great success; although if we’re honest, compared to the X Factor Disco Night an X Factor Dissonant Avant-Rock Night would be a success, too.

And that means that this Saturday X Factor is treating us to a Best Of British show where, dressed up as an assortment of jolly red-faced butchers, cricketers and wooden-toothed Victorian prostitutes, the X Factor hopefuls will belt out a selection of songs like Roll Out The Barrel, Doing The Lambeth Walk, My Old Man’s A Dustman, I’ve Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts and the theme-tune to Oh, Doctor Beeching! by Su Pollard. Either that or they’ll all sing You’re Beautiful with a quiet look of desperation in their eyes. Let’s wait and see.

But who’s going to win X Factor this year? Here are the X Factor betting odds for Niki Evans and Rhydian Roberts, with help from Paddy Power…

X Factor Betting Odds: Rhydian Roberts To Win?

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

We’ve been researching X Factor a lot lately, and we’ve discovered one aspect of the show that hasn’t gained a single word of coverage – Louis Walsh’s hair.

We can’t be the only ones who have noticed Louis Walsh’s X Factor hair, can we? With each week of X Factor that passes, it gets a little bit less grey and a little bit more fluffy. It’s true – for the first 20 minutes of Saturday’s X Factor we were honestly convinced that Louis Walsh was either wearing a cossack’s hat or had a rabbit perched on top of his head. We think it’s because this year Simon Cowell seems determined to remind Louis of how old-fashioned he is at every opportunity, and Louis is trying to young his hair up a bit more each week as a result. At this rate he’ll have a full-on emo fringe by Christmas. Let’s make that happen, people.

But who’ll win X Factor? Here are the X Factor betting odds for Niki Evans and Rhydian Roberts, with help from Paddy Power…